When the best intentions go baaaaaaaaddd...
A new thread was started today by an out-of-state/distant sibling who clearly, and with the best of intentions, "only wants to help." Her mother has dementia and hearing loss and lives in an ALF, with her main caregivers being the poster's two brothers. The OP's attempts to replace a lost hearing aid, and to get to the bottom of why visits from a paid professional had been discontinued, had not gone down well with the primary caregiver; she was seeking suggestions on how to pursue these two topics without creating additional conflict and ill-feeling. Which set me to musing on the "helpful" things people had done, items they'd brought, which in spite of their good intentions had rather misfired. The brilliant snazzy new rollator - which was too wide for mother's rooms. The electronic photo frame which changed image every ten seconds and confused the heck out of her. The beautiful coffee table book that she couldn't lift, or hold on her knee. The clever cordless headphones, which made her look like she was chief flying officer on a 757 but had buttons too small for 90 year old fingers... If I had to pick just one, it would be the enormous cardboard carton delivered by courier on her birthday. I guessed plant? Flower arrangement? And went to get the scissors. A few swift swipes and the box burst open - sending HAPPY BIRTHDAY helium balloons into every corner of the room. The cat almost cr*pped herself and sprinted off. I fell over backwards, and then realised I'd have to round the dam' things up again... Was Mother pleased? I told my niece she was thrilled. Mm. Not the serious, painful things, the undermining or risky meddling or (God forbid) going to law; but what well-meant gifts and gestures have tripled your caregiving workload?
This of course means then dealing with a [ justified, honestly] grumpy dad for the rest of the visit and trying to mediated any further drama.
R and I took sis and new hubby out for dinner in a fine place. To express their gratitude they brought us a gift bag in which was a lily plant and a box of chocolates. Bear in mind that we are traveling so hauling a plant around is difficult. Bear in mind also that I am allergic to milk (which sis knows), so that knocks out the chocolates for me. I then took off by bus to visit my son, leaving R with the car, the plant and the chocolates. He could leave neither in the vehicle, as it would be sitting in the blazing sun for hours, so I suggested he give the plant to the lady, where he stays when he is down there, as a belated mother's day gift. Later when I asked how it was received, I heard she was not happy and said,"The cats will get it!" (Lily plants are deadly poisonous to cats.) I guess she tossed it. Hope someone enjoyed the chocolates.
The funniest part was that went we drove them back to their hotel after dinner, mistakenly, new hub nearly took the bag back in with him. I wish he had.
Or a box of pears, like no way we could eat 12 pears. Reminded me of a "Everyone Love Raymond" when his parents got a large box of fruit.
Or my God-daughter, who was too young to pick out gifts so her Mom would get me gifts... ok I am a senior citizen, but do I really look like the type that wants aprons, oven mitts, and gasp, tea towels that would need ironing? Hyacinth Bucket I am not !!
I love some of the quirkiest gifts my mom has received!! It's so sweet that people are still visiting and thinking of her-I don't think any has 'tripled my workload' but they definitely break up the doldrums!! Who needs sensible gifts all the time??!
I can relate to the books- some nonfiction -as though she has all this rest time -a good time to pursue further education.
Hahha
She got a few get well cards though-very wishful thinking as she has dementia.
people mean well!!!
CM, what a riot to open helium balloons, you must laugh at it now?
TS2 bought coconut oil because it was supposed to slow the dementia decline. Snuck it into the house, actually. I had been wondering why mom's D was worse after TS2 visits. I told her get the coconut oil out of here or I will be throwing it away.
Then TS2 develops D problem that mom had for years. Wondered if TS2 ever stopped the coconut oil herself. Her her hubby quite the health food nut for years just retired and has numerous health issues in his early 60's.