What if the ole gray mare ain’t what she used to be? That would be me, the caregiver to an octogenarian parent.

Why, why, why are you putting up with this? You do not have to and should not. It is time you took care of YOURSELF and looked to your own peace and way of life and looking out for YOUR future. Why can't people see that there is a time and a place and when it becomes too much or too difficult, you stop and you make other arrangements - either a caretaker to take care of them and leave you free or you place them somewhere. No one should be made to take this abuse - no one - ever!

Great comments, great people.
It is not, why do I put up with it.
There is no dementia.
3 children. I am the only one who stepped up.
She lived with an emotionally abusive man, who was very wealthy, for 18 years.
My brothers were content.
They did not have to be bothered.
After my daughter died, I went to live with Mom and him for 9 months, to help her, because he called me nonstop, I don’t know what to do with her, your brothers don’t care.
When I could stand no more, told Mom I was leaving, she said your not leaving without me.
There you have it.
My faith and conscience could not leave her with that man.
Get this....when we left, she was 86, he was 92.
I lived in that town most of my life.
Met this man in 1967.
No one ever had a good word to say about him.
Money does not equal nice.
I couldn’t leave her like that.
It is a work in progress.
Sometimes we have to buck up and deal.
I wouldn’t have left a dog in that situation.

Arimathea, am delighted for you there is no dementia. So you can really talk to your mum. Then talk to her doctor. I think there could be a good case for organising home visits very regularly (I know it's expensive but could your father's money be used?) in combination with visits organised by a local church or volunteer charity.

You need to get more people going into your parents' home either to do things for them or just to sit with them. They could be buffers for the abuse. It is possible that all the chores you are called upon to do are simply excuses to keep you present in the home. When others are there, you can skedaddle, and skedaddle you must, for your own sanity.