What I have seen is everyone has issues with parents accounts their own children stealing them blind. Laws have got to change.

Um....stealing is illegal in all 50 states. What new laws do you think we need? Every state also has elder abuse laws and financial crimes laws. Can you be more specific about what more you think we need?

@Stillme, it's just not true that *everyone* has this issue. Plenty of adult children (probably most) are pretty honest and try to manage their parents' money for their parents' benefit.

Has this happened to you, or to your parent?

Laws are already in place, if our elders plan ahead and put their legal affairs and paperwork in order. Though I'm sure there is room for improvement, I really don't want this stuff to become even more complicated. True, some people don't plan ahead and find themselves at the mercy of their adult children or other family members -- this is if the elder even has any money or assets set aside for old age. That's another issue.

I work in a Memory Care community as a front desk receptionist. The ED thinks it's a good idea to let one of the residents out into the lobby every day to chew my ear off. So, every single day I hear all about how her children have 'robbed her blind' by stealing all of her money; selling her condominiums and all of her stuff and OMG OMG OMG, the nerve!! Yes, they did sell her 2 small condo's in order to finance her care here in the Memory Care community that was required because of her alcoholism that created dementia, several severe falls, and the inability to live alone. Due to her mean and abrasive personality, neither of her children wanted her living with them. So they 'robbed her blind' and placed her here.

In 2014 after my father fell and broke his hip, he signed his entire life savings over to me to manage for him and mom so they could move into Assisted Living and continue to live there for life. Dad passed in 2015; my mother is still alive and now living in Memory Care at $6500 a month not including medication and about $300 a month in other expenses. I have managed their money down to the penny, and wake up in cold sweat worrying that the money will run out in about 18 months time and then I'll have to apply for Medicaid.

Not 'everyone' steals their parents blind, and OMG it blows my mind that you'd even say such a thing! Not to mention I've seen no posts from people complaining about their children doing such a thing. What exactly are you talking about?

Why do you feel that your sister is in the wrong for charging Mum rent? Everyone should pay for their own housing, food, utilities etc. There is no crime in that.

Who is legally stealing from their parents? Never heard of that on here.

I've also had to wonder, when reading some of these posts in the past about one sibling "robbing the parent", if it's more likely that particular sibling is the one with all of the responsibility and the one accusing doesn't really have an actual clue or grasp as to what the caretaker sibling is having to pay for and manage. My sister and I had the total load of care taking for my mother this past year. Another sister managed to have every reason under the sun for not helping us but made no bones about accusing us of something when she wanted to do so. Now we get to deal with settling the estate and we are waiting for her to make that hard on us also. It's as if the emotional, physical and mental burden of this entire situation wasn't bad enough so she had to make sure she added more of it to us. Unfortunately for her, we've done everything by the book and will continue to do so, so she is wasting her time.

On the other hand, I do know there are some terrible situations where the parent did not prepare for this time in their life by assigning POA, etc., to someone and unfortunately, the children are going to suffer having to deal with it and get control. It's hard enough to manage taking care of parents, from all angles, with the laws that already make it hard, but I would certainly hate to see laws passed that would create even more hurdles for children to have to get through.

Tiredandweary, there is no doubt in my mind that some of the people who come here and say that their parent is being taken advantage of by the caregiver sibling, are absolutely mistaken and have no clue as to what is being paid for and how much it costs. There’s also no doubt that some are right and the sibling IS taking advantage. But having witnessed it in my own family, I can see how easy it is to jump to conclusions when you haven’t got a clue! When my uncle went through a post-divorce bankruptcy. He moved in with my grandpa While he got back on his feet and it was like a twist of fate! my grandpa could no longer live alone but he hid it well so everyone thought he was ok, albeit depressed after my grandpa died. when my uncle moved in, he quickly realized my grandpa was not taking care of himself anymore! My uncle started paying all the bills, bought the groceries, paid the property taxes, cooked all the meals and hired a housekeeper to come in once a week and clean the whole house. The whole time my aunt was throwing a fit, constantly fighting with my uncle and they put my mom in between the two of them becuase they stopped speaking to each other. My aunt thought he was living there for free and was upset that he was getting a free ride! My uncle went to work all day and came home & took care of his dad! My aunt no clue what he was doing and wouldn’t listen to my mom when she told her that their brother wasn’t living there for free! Then one day while my uncle was at work, my grandpa fell and had a diabetic emergency and almost died! My uncle found him when he got home from work. He would have died if my uncle hadn’t moved it. So you would think it ended there but it didn’t.....my grandpa eventually got part of his leg amputated and went in to a nursing home. He was there at least a year when my aunt decided to take him to live with her in San Diego. She had to hire caregivers and pay for home care and the tables turned and my uncle was the one flipping out. And my mom was stuck in the middle because my aunt and uncle weren’t talking. They’d call her and tell her to call the other one and tell them this and that. It was awful. My uncle thought my aunt was spending all my grandpas money and he wanted to know where it was going! It was was paying for full time home care which isn’t cheap!! Then when my grandpa died....it still didn’t end. My uncle was still living in my grandparents house and paying for all upkeep and doing regular maintenance and my aunt was still upset over the “free ride” he was getting so she insisted the house be sold immediately. My mother, the middle child, was executor of the estate (guess my grandparents knew she was the most level headed and responses one!) and the only way to squash the family feud was to have my uncle move out and sell the house so that’s what they did and my aunt & uncle were able to put everything behind them and have a relationship again.

You can always take over caring for your mom. That is what you can do.

It is okay and actually a reasonable situation to have a parent pay you rent if they are living in your house. It makes it their home and gives a lot of older folks a sense of pride knowing that they are paying their way.

Just because your stepdad received money for being disabled in war does not mean that your mom gets that same amount. My aunt had to fight for any financial assistance after my uncle died from a war related illness. I promise you it was nowhere near what he was receiving. She didn't get injured in war, she is not entitled to the same benefits.

I would recommend that you don't worry about your moms money unless you are being asked to pay her way or she is living in your house, quite frankly it is no ones business until they die or become incompetent.

Who has told you what is happening? My dad told people what he thought was going on and it was a loooooong way from reality. Be sure of your facts.

My OB 'robbed my parents blind' and they refused to press charges or even confront him about it.

What were the other 5 sibs supposed to do?? My parents willingly 2nd mortgaged their home for OB to 'invest' and he spent all the money. Neither parent had dementia or any sort of mental impairment (other than blindly adoring this jerk). They go to retire and they have no savings, no equity to draw on. THEY allowed this to happen.

Sadly, mom has had to live the last 23 years in my YB's home, and it's NOT what she wanted, but letting OB take her little 'all'--well, it's rotten he did that, and it's not the least bit uncommon--but the law wouldn't step in.

Stealing IS illegal. Problem is when family gets involved and it gets real messy.

Stealing is when you take something that doesn't belong to you without the owner's consent or when the owner is incapacitated and unable to give a reasoned consent. There are already all kinds of laws against stealing.

Giving or accepting a gift isn't against the law. Giving a gift after a cognitive decline but before incapacitation is legal too, and so is the acceptance of such a gift. Many posters on this forum have stated they consider getting seniors to make gifts or change/sign documents favoring one child after a cognitive decline to be "taking advantage" of the parent. That may be true, and in several states taking advantage is also illegal _if_ it can be proved.

I personally believe there should be a law requiring any transactions or gifts after a dementia diagnosis should have a "in the best interest of the principal" requirement. Maybe anything over $10,000 requires a judge's approval? I have known of instances where a senior deeded property and bank/investment accounts over to someone following a dementia diagnosis and then couldn't qualify for Medicaid without a hardship wavier. TN has laws on the books allowing Medicaid recovery to go after "gifts" made during the 5 year look back but it isn't usually enforced unless it's a good deal of money and the gifted person still has at least most of the money.