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So MIL is still living with us although the area Agency on aging has been to the house to visit and are planning to come back again and MIL is not at all happy. When they left she basically screamed at all of us kids included and went storming off that we do nothing but pick on her and we will not leave well enough alone. Truth be told we are looking out for her best interest even though she doesn't see it that way and from what we can tell she's refusing to take meds, she may or may not eat on any given day, sleeps for at least 15+ hours a day and still is refusing to bathe which has become another BIG issue. We spoke to someone who wanted to assign her a different case worker who may be better to handle these issues so we are waiting to hear back from her. We are just basically venting right now because everything seems to move at a snails pace these days when it comes to this stuff and we thought for sure we would be further along in the process than what we are for getting her placed somewhere. We know we cannot just drop her off at the NH but we are just really disappointed with her Dr and their entire staff as they have not been much help to us since DH does not have POA. It all just happened so fast we really didn't have time so that definetely was a lesson learned........Hopefully we will get some movement soon....We can always hope right.

Coming here from my own recent vent: if your MIL makes her own decision to not eat, not take her meds, and sleep all day, consider just letting her do it her own way. Much easier for you, and it really is her choice. If she won't bathe/clean up properly, tell her she must stay in her room then, because you/your family don't want to see/smell her that way. She is perfectly welcome to come out after she cleans up properly. (I'm not sure what it is with seniors and bathing; I see that alot here. Maybe they lose their sense of smell? Get too comfortable? ) Stay on caseworkers to get a placement. They might be complacent, since your MIL does have a nice situation right now....good luck with this.
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Becca, there is really nothing doctors can do or do do about placement. It is their job to give a diagnosis. Have they done so?
Do you have papers that indicate that your mother cannot now make her own decisions or be in charge of her own choices? If so you will need guardianship. That is the work of a Lawyer who will walk you through the court process.
If guardianship or conservatorship is chosen will your mother fight that? Because if she choose to the court will appoint her an attorney and the fight runs into big dollars at once. Those dollars would be on you if you lost the case, and judges are very very very hesitant to take a citizen's rights from them even WITH papers from a doctor saying that the person is not able to make his or her own decisions.
Sure do wish you luck. The easiest and fastest way to get all this done is the ER dump in which you refuse to take back the person into your home saying you are unable physically or mentally to care for her. Then a Social Worker often gets temporary guardianship papers from a Judge with a phone call and the person is placed with a Hospital Social Worker. What you are going through with Mom not an inpatient, unfortunately is TYPICAL in an uncooperative person.
So sorry nothing is better.
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Thank you AlvaDeer for the response....You have no idea how much we have been contemplating the ER dump as sad as that sounds. It is like we are just waiting for the other shoe to drop in a sense if that makes sense. Lately every one is on edge dealing with her and hate even having to be like that but it is what it is and guess we have to accept the fact we cannot help her if she doesn't want the help which is easier said that done.
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Thanks I am not sure what it is with seniors either but you can smell her before you see her.....how sad is that. I know we cannot force her to bathe and tried reasoning with her but it gets us no where other than an argument lately.....
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You have my sympathies. Unfortunately COVID has slowed everything down and while this type of thing does take time, it’s taking even longer now because of the pandemic. I think your disappointed with the drs because of the lack of support? We look to them for support and resources. You would think the dr would refer you to the appropriate agencies who can get the ball rolling on placement.
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Thanks I think you hit the nail on the head there just hoping we would get more help from the Dr. office & staff. Unfortunately with all the COVID etc. we have not been able to get an official dementia diagnosis although it is quite obvious she has it. And we wait.....
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"Truth be told we are looking out for her best interest even though she doesn't see it that way.."

No, sadly it seems she can't see it that way. Can't see her ship heading for the rocks - without family to steer for her.

But you've got a direction now. Stay the course & weather the storm of her screaming & accusations.

Stay strong. Keep your destination in sight.
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