Update to my mothers opiate use/lies...
Original thread here: https://www.agingcare.com/questions/well-if-i-had-any-doubts-before-i-dont-now-my-mom-is-a-full-blown-opiate-addict-452965.htm?orderby=oldest
I did not confront my mom about getting more pain pills and lying to me about it. I counted her pills when I was able to and it looks to me like she is taking two pills a day. On the bottle it is prescribed as every 12 hours so she is within the guidelines of the script. That was somewhat of a relief although I still know her long term use and seeking of these drugs is not good.
Yesterday she had a follow up with her PCP because she was discharged from the ER recently. She did not allow me to go to that appointment. When she returned she came over to my place for dinner and said a lot of nonsense, which is normal, but there were two things she said that were the main take away for me. One was she said her doctor is not concerned about her chronic kidney disease. That she was "good for at least another ten years". Okay at the ER they told me she had progressed from stage 3 to stage 4. I'm starting to wonder if her PCP is a flake. Whatever. My mom was in a good mood and seemed fine to me from a physical standpoint so I didn't press for more info.
Then she happily announced that the doctor told her that the pain meds she gets from the clinic were better for her kidney than ibuprofen and the way my mom talked he was fine with her opiate use. Then she said she was going to make an appointment with the pain doc. Yay, more pills. At least she's not lying about it I guess. And I know one thing to be true, NSAIDS are not good for people with kidney disease. I think that's why she was in such a good mood. No joke.
I've decided to take the advice I got from Barb and "let the chips fall".
I know my mom makes bad decisions, and she always has... she's been an alcoholic as long as I can remember. I know she shouldn't be on these opiates but she started long before she moved here, and I can't control that either.
I'm going to stay out of it unless I absolutely have to get involved as in calling 911 or some other big event occurs.
I can also see her dementia has progressed. Vascular dementia can present so strangely -- like she has lucid times where she seems almost normal, and then other times where she sounds bat shit nuts and that is what I am seeing more of, much more, and my husband has noticed it too.
Thank you again to everyone who chimed in when I first reported this problem. Oh, I guess one good thing is I'm noticing this time around even though I still get triggered, upset and depressed when she treats me poorly I have been able to pick myself up much better than I was last Fall/Spring, and I'm better at limiting my time with her without guilt. (most of the time)
Hugs to everyone here.
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My mom will be 75 next February. I've not confronted her on this, ever. I counted her pills out of concern because I kept catching her in lies. I wanted to know what was really happening. She also drinks vodka daily. I felt I needed to know how much she was taking and she wasn't about to tell me.
I understand what you are saying about being upset if your kids counted your meds. Did you ever lie to them or drink alcohol while on them? sounds to me like you had very legit reasons for your meds.
But like I explained in my post today, I have decided to let it go. And like I told someone else I think she uses it mainly to regulate her moods. I can always tell when she's taken one because her mood gets much happier. To be blunt I can tell she's a little high. When it wears off she is one of the most nasty people you could ever meet. So..... yeah, I'm to the point of doing nothing about it.
It started with legit use after a shoulder surgery in 2014. After that she always had some kind of pain complaint and kept getting them, while minimizing her use to me and my siblings. It wasn't until she moved here last year that I found out she takes it daily. In the last 2 weeks it's been two pills a day after scoring a script for 42 pills. (that's what prompted my original post because she lied every step of the way to get those pills).
I guarantee she already has another appointment with the "pain doctor" even though MRI's, ultra sounds, etc show nothing to warrant chronic pain that needs daily opiates.
I think she uses it to regulate her mood.
Any insight would be most welcome.
Such wonderful progress for you personally, it is so good to read how your boundaries are paying off.
I don't know if we ever get over our parents trying to hurt us, something so unnatural about it that it is almost like there is no way to not get hurt, but realizing that we are not the problem and we can not fix them and move quickly past it seems to be the most we can hope for.
Well done! Hugs!
You don't mention her age, but if she's even over 70---I'd still just let it go.
My PCP is 'pretty' comfortable giving me the opiates that I need for chronic back pain and then while I was txing cancer (it hurts, folks, every joint in your body hurts). I was not supposed to take NSAIDS and they are worse on the kidneys.
If she has a dr on board writing these scrips then let it go. Only if she seems incapable of driving would I step into hot mess like this can be. You say she sees both a PCP and pain doc? Well, then she's getting these 'legally'.
We do not know another person's pain.
My kids get into my meds and start counting them and I will rip them a new one. They are judgy as heck, but when somebody hurts their back or has horrible cramps, the judgment flies out the window and mom is begged for a Tylenol #3.
Funny, huh?
Don't let her drive---and if she has vascular dementia, how can you say that her behavior is due to opiate use?
Sounds like you have a personal issue with mom (I have one with my own mom, so don't think I am judging you for it) and for years I felt she was also an opiate addict. Life has a funny way of letting Karma slap you silly.
These days it is nigh until impossible to get more than x number of opiates. The pharmacies are all in tune, all the drs, shoot even my DENTIST wouldn't give me a pain pill no matter what. Unless your mom is buying from the local 'drug dealer kid' she's not getting more than she 'should' have. And 'should have' is a very grey area.
But, I’m curious...
What specific pain med does your mother take and what is the milligram dose?
I apologize if this was already stated somewhere.
Pain meds just happen to be something I know a whole lot about - unfortunately. As well, my mother also had a problem with abusing Oxycodone in the last several years of her like.
Thank you for the update.