Update on my mom.

I had a strong desire to call my mom today.

I haven’t called mom very frequently, no more than once a week because I needed time for myself to adjust after my caregiver days ended.

Then as most of you know, my husband got prostate cancer so naturally my heart was first and foremost with him.

He is the love of my life. Next month we will celebrate 43 years of marriage.

As most of you know, my brothers and I have a strained relationship.

I took care of mom for 20 years all alone as the primary caregiver, 15 years in my home and was heading for completely burning out. I tried to involve my brothers in mom’s care but they weren’t interested in anything but themselves.

When my brothers were involved it was to criticize me because mom had a habit of stirring the pot, which caused stress for everyone.

I got fed up and told my mom to go live with my brother and sister in law. I had done more than my share.

Needless to say, this is never the relationship that anyone wishes to have with family members. I always desired to live in harmony.

Sometimes family dynamics evolve into complex situations filled with a mixed bag of emotions.

I don’t know how I managed to be the primary caregiver for as long as I did. Parkinson’s disease is brutal.

I also cared for my oldest brother and dad before they died. I have seen so much sadness in my life due to various issues.

It changed me watching my mother suffer endlessly. I lived in depression and had enormous anxiety as a primary caregiver without help.

My brother answered the phone when I called mom today.

He told me that mom is now bed bound in a hospice facility. I feel relieved that she is now in a facility. It’s truly for the best.

One of our long time posters (Lealonnie) comforted me throughout my entire caregiving and afterwards. I will forever be grateful. She has a heart of gold and truly understands suffering. She told me that my brother would see what I went through with my mom as he cared for her in his home. She was 100 percent correct!

We needed distance from each other in order for healing to occur. He apologized to me and said, “I now know what you went through. I am so sorry that I wasn’t a brother for you to talk to. I was wrong and should have supported you.” I cried so hard hearing these words.

When he took over mom’s care I did not interfere as he did with me. Mom would never complain to me about him because she is very old fashioned and won’t criticize a man. It’s common for some women in mom’s era to feel like the man has authority over women. Mom is 95.

I am so grateful for everyone on this forum. You have helped me more than you know. I can’t list everyone because the list would be too long but I hope you know how much I have appreciated your help.

This is a very emotional time for me. I will be going to see my mom very soon.