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Thinking of you this evening. Playing the hymns was a wonderful idea. Prayers for you all...
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I'm checking in tonight to see how you are doing. I see it has been a bit since you posted.
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Thank you Grammie,

I am sad but relieved at the same time.

I am happy because I do believe that mom will reunite with my dad.

Sad, because it’s hard to see her fade away like this.

We don’t have control over these things.

I didn’t stay long today.
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Needhelpwithmom, continuing prayers and hugs to you!!
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Thanks so much, Elaine 💗.

Going to see mom shortly. I know that I am repeating myself. So sorry.

I find it heartbreaking to watch her slipping away slowly. I know that she has been ready to go for a long time!

There is nothing new except mom’s breathing is becoming more shallow.

The drugs are keeping her calm and pain free.
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I'm so glad she's not in pain. That must be a huge relief. (((((Hugs))))))) B
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The hospice nurse just told us that she will be surprised if mom last through the night.

My brother went home for a bit to rest. He was here before I came.

This is so hard but it’s such a blessing to have hospice during this time.
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Sending prayers for a swift and painless transition for your dear mom now, NHWM. I know your dad is awaiting her arrival with open arms as I type this. Such a hard thing for you and your brother to endure, but such a long awaited end to your mom's suffering. She will at last be whole again, and for that you can be happy.

Sending YOU a big hug tonight.
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Hugs and prayers, thinking of you all
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I'm glad to hear that your mom is peaceful and pain free. What a blessing indeed. Sending prayers your way for you and your family.
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The bridge each of us have to cross one day.

NHWM, do you have her final arrangement ready?
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Lea,

I agree that mom will be with my daddy again.

Awhile back I asked her what was she and daddy’s song.

She knew it and told me the name.

She had a smile on her face as she sang the lyrics.

It was a Sinatra tune! She had a crush on Sinatra in her youth like a lot of ladies in that generation.

I wish that I had written down the name of the song. She and daddy used to dance to it.

I can’t remember the name of it.

I do believe that it won’t be long before she is dancing in daddy’s arms again.
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Here is Sinatra's album from 1946. Look at the track list.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Voice_of_Frank_Sinatra

If you know what year your mom and dad met, Google Sinatra and the year.
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Polar,

My mom took care of that a while back with my brother.
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Thanks, Barb.

They married in 1947.
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Thank you so much, Daughter and grandma.

Your support means so much.

My brother should be back soon. My younger brother can’t handle it.
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Just reading about the history of hospice. Looks like it started here in the United States in the 70’s.

Hospice care is believed to date back to the 11th century!

Amazing.
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NHWM: My mother used to go see Sinatra sing in person in NY back in the 40's!
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NHWM, thinking of you 💙
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Need, I'm thinking of you and yours, too. The active dying phase is so tough to witness. I'm glad you're able to be there with your mom, when you can, and she's peaceful and pain free.

I'm so grateful for hospice services, too. When my time comes, I hope there is a death-with-dignity option, if I need that to end suffering, or hospice care. Wishing you a heart full of good things during this time, though it's so tough.
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NHWM,
You have been in my thoughts and heart. I pray that you and your mom find peace. You both will be in my prayers.💗
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Lea,

Did your mom have a crush on Sinatra? Oh my gosh! My mom loved him.

This is funny, mom would get tired doing PT, so I told her young, good looking physical therapist that mom loved Sinatra and danced to his music and he said back to me, “Well, I can play Frank on my phone to inspire her to do her exercises.” I thought that was so sweet of him. She was all smiles when she heard his music.

How wonderful that your mom got to see him live! He was hot stuff in their time.
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Thanks so much, Ali, Beatty and Shell.

Ali, my dream is to die in my sleep! I absolutely want to be in hospice too. They have been so lovely with mom.

So many memories of mom are flooding back.

Memories from my childhood. We had the same nuns in school! They were young when they taught her. Those nuns don’t forget a thing! They told me stories about her as a girl. She was an excellent student, all A’s on her report cards! She has always been a perfectionist!
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Thinking of you and family, NHWM.
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Needhelpwithmom, big hugs to you tonight. Prayers and peace for you and your mom. The active dying phase is so hard to watch. I was there till the end with my mother. It is so very hard. Hugs to you!!! We are all there with you in spirit.
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Thank you Glad,

Your support means a lot.

Elaine,

It is hard. My husband and I just got home. My brother went home for a little bit.

I am puzzled by his behavior. He is measuring mom’s breathing. Don’t you find that odd?

I know that we all process things differently. I don’t know what to think. He hardly ever leaves even after the hospice nurse told him that sometimes people don’t want to die in front of their family.

She even said that she has worked in hospice for 20 years and that she has only seen a couple of patients die with family present. Interesting, huh?

So, you and your brother were one of the rare cases of being there. Most times they die shortly after we leave. My brother died the second I left the room and I had been there for hours.
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Needhelpwithmom, I’m not sure what your brother is thinking. Especially since you said he rarely leaves. I’m not sure what he is thinking.

In my mothers case her breathing got very loud and sounded like snoring. The nurse came in and said her breathing was labored. I asked her if she could have morphine. The other nurse was giving her morphine every 4 hours and this nurse said yes after only 2 hours. Her last does was 7:30pm and this particular nurse gave my mother another does at 9:30pm. She died just after midnight.

My brother and I were going to leave at 9pm but he wanted some ginger ale. The nurse brought in a pitcher of ginger ale so we stayed. We had no idea she was going to pass that night. But I am glad I was there with my brother.

Hugs to you. Thinking of you during this difficult and emotional time.
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Elaine,

My brother is measuring how many breaths she takes per minute. I don’t understand his behavior. It seems obsessive to me.

My mom barely breathes, then draws a long breath, sort of gasping for air. They have the oxygen on her. She’s hanging on by a thread, I suppose.

I know that there are signs that death is near but I speak with the woman who has a mom in the room next to my mom.

They told her the same as me, that her mom had about two weeks left. Well, her mom is long past those two weeks, so I feel that no one can predict the exact time, don’t you agree? Others die more slowly.

The nurse said that some residents arrive and don’t live past a few hours!

It’s interesting. The hospice houses only allow a person to stay for a specific period of time. If they don’t die, a reevaluation is done to see if they qualify to stay for an extended period of time.
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Nhwm, yes, I think mom had a crush on Sinatra, didn't they All?

I was measuring dad's breathing too.....counting how long it was between breaths.....it had gotten to 50 seconds! 50 eternal endless seconds, it was horrid. Your brother is scared and horrified listening to his mother's labored breathing, wondering if she will take another one. If he's like me he's holding HIS breath waiting for HER to take the next one. I was thinking, this is it, this is the last hour or 2 or 3 of my father's life I'm watching. I don't find what he's doing odd. It makes me cry to hear it, literally, nearly 6 years after my dad passed away.

The loud snoring-like breathing is known as the death rattle. Dad passed about 8 hrs after it started. Sounded to me like he was breathing under water and got louder and louder. A drying agent medication (I can't remember the name) can be administered by hospice, but its pretty useless. That's when I left, I couldn't stay and listen to that sound. I went home and lied down in bed and waited for The Call. It came at 1am. He passed an hr later, right before we arrived at the AL. Dad didnt want me there to see him pass, I'm sure.
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Needhelpwithmom, I was told you can go a month without food but you can only go 3 days without water. My mother only had water on a sponge tip on Thursday and nothing on Friday and then passed after midnight.

I was frantically on the phone with hospice on Friday so perhaps my mother heard me while in a coma. I kept telling hospice that she didn’t have much longer to live, that she didn’t want to go anywhere, and that at that point in time I had nowhere to send her. Hospice was trying to find a hospice place that had 8 beds and was run by nuns and you only had to give a small donation.

But hospice didn’t know if that place was available and I was frantic because the hospital had my mothers name up on the board to be discharged on Monday at 3:00pm. To where? Where is she going to go? She doesn’t want to go anywhere. She hasn’t had any water.

Its possible that my mother heard me because I was in her room crying to the hospice over the phone.

Perhaps my mother knew it was the end and left this world so she wouldn’t have to die in some unfamiliar setting.

My mother was very familiar with the hospital and had been there numerous times. She felt comfortable there. It’s possible she just knew.

I pray for you and your mother. I know how hard this is for you. We are all here for you. Hugs!!!!
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