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Gershun, I dont believe its a sign of weakness on your part to feel a certain way in front of family. I was just telling Chuck the other night how TWO people in my entire life have been known to bring out THE WORST in me. My mother and my ex husband. And for good reason, NOT for nuthin or bc I'm weak. And there are some people who bring out the BEST in me, like Chuck and my bff since 4th grade. Just is what it is. My ex is as toxic and mentally ill as it gets, who refused to acknowledge it and lost EVERYTHING good in his life as a result. And my mother was a mentally ill person who refused to acknowledge it her whole life also, and what her behavior was doing to her family and her little girl. I'm not saying I'm a saint or anything like that, but I AM saying that THEIR behavior is what caused ME to feel stressed out in their presence all the time. And rightly so. So I divorced the old man and kept limited contact with my mother, and firm boundaries as well.

If you go to Christmas and feel upset at all, put Plan B into action and vamoose OUT of there with a headache or the symptom nobody ever wants details on: diarrhea 🤣😂😁

Thank you NHWM and cwillie 😍
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Lea, I'm happy for you that your dizziness has subsided. I sure hope it sticks this time. Still praying........

We are going to sis's this year for Christmas. It will be first time getting together with fam since before covid. My family brings up a lot of bad feelings for me so I am approaching this with great trepidation. I'm only going cause I think it's the right thing to do. Facing my fears and all that psycho babble. I hope I'm not making a mistake. We shall see.

I've always wondered when I feel a certain kind of way around certain people is it their fault or weakness on my part? A bit of both I'd wager. Anyway............

Happy for you Lea!
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So happy to hear that you’re feeling a bit better, Lea. You’re always in my thoughts.
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So glad you're getting some relief from the dizziness, fingers crossed you continue to feel better!
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Back with an update: I'm finally feeling better from the crippling dizziness the IVIG caused me, 3 weeks later. My eyes are only a little improved using 2 drops a day. Today is 2 weeks since I saw the optometrist and got the referral to the Opthamologist. Was told I'd hear back from their office w/i 2 weeks but no word so far. Same thing happened with the palliative care team who ignored my request for a Paxil refill sent on 12/13. So I was going to run out and couldn't even get thru to their number! I called Dr Cs nurse and she spent the day yesterday trying to get in touch with someone from the palliative care team to call in my Rx. It came thru today so it can be picked up tomorrow. I guess there are no doctors available during Christmas so please DO NOT GET SICK OR NEED HELP IN ANY WAY 😑

We're having my DD and her fiance over on Sunday for Fra Diavolo (shellfish with spaghetti in spicy spaghetti sauce). Then the family on Christmas Day afternoon for chicken cacciatore in the crockpot I can throw together easy peasy. All the decorations are up and now the gifts need wrapping.

What's everyone's plans for the holidays?
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Lea, Keeping a good thought that the head and eye issues clear up. Cannot BELIEVE that you were sent to an optometrist instead of an ophthalmologist. What the actual, eff, is that about? Let's hope you get in quicker to the ophthalmologist--waiting till February is nuts.
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Lea, your current update/situation sucks big time. Praying for an abatement of your symptoms really soon.
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Just so sorry Lea. Can only hope the difficult symptoms abate sooner for you.
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Ack, Lea. Checked in to read about your latest adventures and saw that you aren't doing as well. I'm so sorry for all you have been through. That's really awful about not seeing an opthalmologist when that's who you thought you were seeing. I hope they get you in quickly. I hope you bounce back over the next three weeks and can enjoy your family.
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Girl, we will just keep praying you through to next November and the wedding. We all sooooo want you to be there.

May God grant this request.

And give you relief.

And those dang docs some WISDOM, already.

Big, but gentle hugs to you.
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Lea,

I don’t blame you one bit for not sugar coating anything. I despise a ‘Pollyanna’ attitude.

I agree with you about not caring what color your eyelashes are at this point.
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Thanks everyone. I appreciate the extra prayers and you all just letting me vent.

Sp, you and I are of the same mindset: you can sugar coat a turd but it's still a turd. As a New Yorker born and bred, I sugar coat NOTHING. 😁 I wish you could give me some of your life force too, I could use some more piss & vinegar these days.

Way, oh I WILL spend time with my family this Christmas if I have to crawl into the family room on all fours. We're making Fra Diavolo with fish on Christmas Eve bc DDs fiance the cop is working and she'll be alone. Chuck will cook of course, but hes happy to do it.

NHWM, every year I say I hope the new year will be better, and every year (since 2019) has been markedly worse. This year I'm saying NOTHING so I don't jinx things even more 😁 I'll be grateful to make it to 2024 and then to my DDs wedding on Nov 4. She's getting my hair and makeup done so I hope my eyes are cleared up so my pure WHITE eyelashes can be mascara-ed up for once. My hairdresser was saying "oh you poor thing" about my lashes and brows and I laughed to myself.....honey, those are the LEAST of my problems, if you only knew.

DD the RN called last night and thinks Dr C was mistaken to cut the IVIG dose in half and that's what my body is responding to. If I never hear those initials IVIG AGAIN it'll be a day too soon. Potions and guesswork and "stabbing in the dark" is ENOUGH already. She also said she and her fiance are coming over to help Chuck put up the giant Christmas tree and ton of ornaments this year! Thank God for family.
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Lea, I'm so sorry you are having to deal with these symtoms & this setback. I hear your fighting spirit & applaud you. Best wishes being sent to you 🤗
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Lea: I'm so sorry to read this. That was unacceptable, to say the least, about the doctor. Hugs.💛
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Lea that sucks. It seems like whenever you are making good progress something else happens. Life it seems kicks us in the a** and keeps on kicking.

You are an inspiration to me because you keep fighting against all these issues that come up. And you dont sugar coat any of what you are going through.

I wish I could give you some of my life force so you could beat these side effects from the immunotherapy.
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Lea, I'm mad on your behalf. Your frustration is coming through loud and clear and I don't blame you.

I don't even know what to say anymore except I'll pray and pray and pray for you even harder.

(((Lea)))
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Lea,
Sorry for the step backwards. I truly hope you are able to feel up to spending holiday time with your family . (((Hugs)))
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Well crap Lealonnie. We were all excited to hear that you were once again getting out doing things you enjoyed and seemed to be doing some better, and now to hear that you've taken some steps backwards is disheartening to say the least.
And don't get me started on the runaround you're getting with your eye issue. I know you're beyond frustrated as are we all on here for you, as we care about you and want only Gods best for you.
While I do pray for you and your healing every day, I feel like I need to kick it up a notch and I will, and I'm believing others on here will join me in praying with fervor for your total and complete healing once and for all as this has gone on way too long already.
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Lea,

I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you. Lady, you have been through hell and back with your cancer and so many other complications. My heart truly goes out to you!

I certainly hope that 2024 will be a turning point in your life. As always, I wish you peace as you continue on in this challenging journey.

Sending a bazillion hugs your way!
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Lealonnie I am so sorry, I can only imagine how disheartening this must be.
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Just checking in to update since its been awhile. I've taken a step down the past week and a half. My eye condition keeps returning once I run out of steroid eye drops. The swelling, itching and sandy/gritty feeling comes right back, along with the crust on the lashes and in the corners. The "Opthamologist" I asked to see back in March turns out to be an OPTOMETRIST which irritated the snot out of me when I found out yesterday at my return visit.

He referred me to a real Opthamologist who's supposed to call me w/i 2 weeks. Online, I could only get an appointment for Feb 14. While optometrist says it's not an emergency, he's out of his realm here! He diagnosed the condition as Iritis but I believe it to be Uveitis which is more common with cancer treatments. If so, other treatments/meds are normally required in addition to steroid eye drops to clear the issue. Ugh. I guess it's my own fault I didn't ask more specific questions when I FIRST met this man for the floater situation I developed from that Skyrizi infusion I had in March. Which STILL hasn't gone away, btw. I believe all the prednisone I was taking orally for 6 months kept the inflammation in my eyes at bay. Once they were discontinued, THATS when the eye symptoms became unbearable. I will NOT GO BACK ON PREDNISONE. My vision has gone from 20:30 to 20:60 recently 😑

My dizziness/vertigo is much worse the past nearly 2 weeks since I had another scheduled half dose IVIG 11 days ago. My head is extremely heavy again, which is tough to deal with since I haven't had to for MONTHS now. I emailed Dr C to tell him I'm formally DONE with IVIGs and or all other treatments moving forward and only pray to God this last infusion didn't create permanent damage of some kind.

It's very depressing to go from good activity back to being chair bound again after nearly 10 months of this crap. To be able to go to 3 estate sales every Thurs and Fri to being too dizzy and unbalanced to go to ANY. And worst of ALL, to have no medical direction on ANY OF THIS due to them not knowing HOW to treat the side effect and then sending me to unqualified vision doctors instead of eye specialists.

Just venting. I should've stopped the damned IVIGs but then we felt I was able to get up and about after the one in late October so maybe it DID help, blah blah. Grasping at straws wound up setting me back, right at Christmas and now I'm too debilitated to set up a 9' tree. God give me strength.
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I have to update on the pumpkin pie and custom whip cream. We have a winner!!

Honey cinnamon was the last one, for the last pieces of pie and it was amazing. I highly recommend it.
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Gosh, there is so much here since my last visit to catch up on. Overall, it sounds like things are going well for you, Lea. Such great news! Maybe you should the pie recipe to save us from making the same mistake. I've got one that uses cream cheese and pecans and it is a wonderful pie. Haven't made it in a long time as we no longer do big dinners. In fact, it was just Jim and I and the son that lives in the basement for Thanksgiving here.

Have a wonderful day . . . or week . . . until I check in again.
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Such good news that the startle reflex has calmed down!

💃🕺💃🕺💃💃
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Lea,

Chuck’s daughter is blessed to have a caring dad who cares about his grandchild. It does seem like she would have taken her child to the pediatrician. She is most certainly self centered since she made sure that she took herself to the doctor but not her child. Interesting…😏
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Nhwm, Chuck sat for the baby for 4 hours that day and aside from her usual fussy behavior, she seemed okay. But who in their right mind doesn't take an infant to the pediatrician for a look-see after such a fall?? A narc, that's who 😑
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Lea,

My word! Did Chuck’s daughter tell him how his grandchild was after her fall? Geeeeeez! I am glad that neither of them were hurt badly.

You’re right, some recipes are much better than others. We all have our favorites. I have tried new recipes that I have loved and others that I didn’t like so much.
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Actually, Chuck didn't screw up the pies. I found the recipe 🙄 and sent it to him and we both thought it sounded great. It wasn't. 🤣. LOVE the idea of sending them to SD the misery queen of drama. Just desserts indeed! She, btw, fell down the stairs last week WHILE HOLDING THE 4 MONTH OLD. Called daddy to complain of a backache and that she'd made a doctor appt for HERSELF! Chuck offered to watch the kids while she went, driving 3 hours to do so. Ummm, what about THE BABY???? Narcs* only ever think of themselves. SD had an xray and didn't even bother to call her dad to tell him the results. All that extra padding on her ass meant nothing was damaged in the fall. Snicker.

*Narcs: yes narc is a very overused word around here. But my SD AND her DH are both narcs to the nth degree. It's scary. When Chuck told her the only way to POSSIBLY repair the relationship w me and my DD would be for her to apologize to us, she laughed out loud and said WE should apologize to HER. This from the "family member" who's ignored me and her step sister since my cancer dx and stressed us out to the max while we were taking care of HER FATHER in AZ for 7 weeks during his liver t/p.

Funky, so glad your trip was awesome! 😍 TY for your prayers on my behalf.

ITRR, your pies sound divine, I love pumpkin anything.

Nhwm, we had some snow on TG night and into Fri and Sat. I can live w/o it so you're welcome to it.

Llama, happy to know your TG was great!

The other good news on my end is the startle reflex (Me jumping at noises) is GONE! Thank God too bc it was a terrible thing to deal with for 8+ months.
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ITRR,

Your pies sound divine! You’re an excellent cook.

Geaton, LOL, love your comment about sending Lea’s stepdaughter the pies to receive her just desserts!

Funky,

So happy that you enjoyed the beach! We went to the beach once on Thanksgiving weekend. It was delightful!

I keep saying that I want to go away for a ‘white’ Christmas holiday somewhere.

The kind of Christmas that is pictured on a Christmas card would be so pretty to see! Snow everywhere.

Where I live we are usually wearing shorts to pick out a Christmas tree and instead of coming home to hot cocoa, we are drinking ice tea!
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Lea, your pie disaster requires me to share our pie success.

I always make pumpkin pies from scratch, just over the top yummy.
1 pie pumpkin makes 2 9" deep dish pies, lots of pie.

This year I decided that I would make the whip cream for each piece. We had brandy vanilla whipped cream (i make vanilla using Christian brothers brandy as my base), maple whipped cream (real Vermont maple syrup), allspice vanilla whipped cream, fresh grated nutmeg whipped cream and regular whipped cream. Mixed it up for scrumptious desserts ALL weekend. I think I will start a new tradition it was all so delish!

So happy I remembered to set my scale back 15#s for the holidays :-)
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