First, the good news: Chuck is doing very well with his liver transplant. April 29 will mark the one year anniversary of his transplant at the Mayo Clinic. He's showing no signs of rejection, is off 80% of his medications, and his follow up tests and visits show him to be a super star. He's back to photographing birds every morning with my son, even in minus 5 degree weather, so that pretty much says it all. My avatar pics are of his birds.
Now for the bad news: I've mentioned before having a surface melanoma on my arm removed in October of 2021. An "in situ" mole of no consequence where all the melanoma 'was removed successfully'. This was a result of having a dozen beauty marks on both arms blow up like balloons after the 2nd Covid shot, grow scabs on them, and when the scab fell off, the beauty mark disappeared entirely. Except for the one. And all of it was not successfully removed after all, as a few cells must've escaped into my body and caused metastatic stage 4 cancer in my lymph nodes, liver, and bones. I went to the ER 3 weeks ago for excruciating pain in my left side where a CT scan with contrast was ordered. The cancer was discovered at that time, and I've spent the last 2 weeks in testing. The cancer is not in my brain, thank God.
The Oncologist told me there is immunotherapy available now for malignant melanoma. 2 types at once, administered via IV (no port) every 3 weeks x4. That's the goal. To turn on my immune system to kill off this cancer. 50% of immunotherapy patients are alive 2 years later. Idk what the percentage is at the 5 year mark. I've avoided doing research bc I'm overwhelmed enough already.
I'm having tremendous pain in my spine, ribs and liver, where the cancer is the worst. The Oncologist gave me some heavy duty pain meds and told me to wait it out until the IV starts kicking in to relieve my pain. He said I would live less than 2 months without treatment so my first treatment is tomorrow morning. The side effects can be gnarly and these infusions WILL kick my butt, he said. I'm ready, I think. Ain't no beauty mark gonna take ME down at 65! 😑
I'm useless at home, so Chuck is doing everything. Laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, driving to appointments. I have a housekeeper coming in to do the heavy cleaning and my stepson and his wife are cooking 7 dinners for us and bringing them by on Saturday. I have to make sure HE'S not overworked during this treatment process to where he gets sick. He's already overcome with worry and shock over all this as it is. I'll ask my stepson to repeat that meal making plan, too...they want to help & we need help.
We've had a lot to deal with the past year, and now my issues, which were there all along, just not apparent until recently. We wouldn't have been able to handle TWO of us sick at once anyway, so this is how it had to play out, I suppose.
The one bright spot I hold onto here is the dime I found on the floor of the ER room I'd been in ALL DAY where there was no dime on the floor. And when the gal was wheeling me back into the room from the CT scan, there it was. I kicked it across the floor to Chuck and he said, "what's that?" I said, "it's a dime from dad, telling me everything will be alright." He was speechless. Dad used to send me dimes all the time after he died in 2015, but stopped the past few years. I have a whole piggy bank full of them.
We can use all the prayers we can get right now, friends. I believe in prayers, in miracles and in signs from our deceased loved ones that they are with us in tough times. If you do too, please send up some prayers for Chuck and I right now.
Many thanks.
My son-in-law found his birthparents via DNA. His bio mother passed one week before he received her contact info. A sibling of the bio father requested that there be no attempt to contact him, so my sil has honored that. The bio father's father was actually someone well-known with a lot of titles, one of which was university president. So I guess that explains why the bio father never told his family about the baby.
But here's the coolest thing -- his bio mother had another son by a different man that was also adopted. Both adoptions happened in Indiana, a closed state for the records. Both sons found the bio mom via DNA testing. And both sons live in the same city now in a different state, just minutes apart! My sil and his half brother get together regularly and their families do things together. So there's a good ending.
As for me, my mother's father has always been a mystery. He married my grandmother, had two children with her, then disappeared. Occasionally a letter with money in it would come the family. Last contact was a dress from him to my mother for her high school graduation in 1948. Mom and her sister tried for years to find him. Mom wondered if she had half siblings out there somewhere. Once mom reached her 80s, she told me she was not interested in knowing about her father and that I should stop looking. I honored that request until she passed in 2020. Last year I did the DNA test and found my grandfather (of course, he is dead now). Turns out he used a false name when he married my grandmother but he did not falsify his dob, place of birth, and his parents' names, just changed their last names to match his false name. And yep, while he was still married to my grandmother (before they had their second child), he married someone else under his real name and had children with her. So my mom did have half-siblings that she never met. All the letters that my mom and grandmother received over the years from him had the same or nearby postmarks of the locations that census records and other records placed him in under his real name. So, DNA finally solved that mystery for me.
I also found out that my grandmother's (same grandmother) father was not her bio father. I had heard rumors about that for years since she was blonde and blue-eyed and her siblings were dark hair and brown-eyed. I think I have some clues as to who her bio father's family may be, but I had to cancel my Ancestry membership at this time due to finances. I'll pick that back up in the future. My g-grandmother was known to be a lady of the night running a "boarding house" at a train stop. So even my g-grandmother may not have ever known the name of the my grandmother's birth father. G-grandmother was six months pregnant with my grandmother when she married. And, get this, with my husband's job relocation in the 80s, we ended up living thirty minutes away from where g-grandmother's boarding house was located. One day I hope to delve more into the history of that area, just not the right time to do that now. I've driven through, seven houses still stand along the tracks, so one of them may have been hers.
Ok, there's enough ramble about DNA testing.
We are cheering you on!!
Hoping that everything goes well for you from here on out.
Sending all my love to you!
You're body will be rid of it all and cleaned out and feeling better and better!! I am thrilled and so happy for you in advance!! Hoping you will have much to celebrate soon and all happy occasions in your life to come!!
Happy to hear you have hot water !
I am glad that you feel better. I hope that the worst is behind you!
You have a wedding bouquet to design! 😊 Your daughter will be a beautiful bride!
RD, it truly is my stepdaughters loss, you're right. Cxmoody, it's a relief in a way NOT to have to think about her anymore. Poor Chuck has suffered enough thru the years.
Hope, I am feeling a bit better these days. I'm curious to see where I'm at with no steroids in me.
Thank you for your kind words. I am blessed to be their mom. I can’t imagine my life without them.
They're surely blessed having you as their mom!! :)
Hugs to you both.
We have two daughters.
I became pregnant seven years after adopting our daughter.
NHWM - I've been following along this fascinating exchange between the two of you just now...and Wow, it's so interesting - and you're both such phenomenal moms - and have this fantastic bond with your daughters. That's very special :)
You’re right. She said that it is a lot to take in right now.
Her birth mother can always say no thank you, that she'd prefer no contact. That's not for your DD to worry about.
You know that someone is going to go back to my daughter’s bio mom and tell her that they are in contact with her child that she didn’t tell them about! My daughter is concerned about how it will affect her bio mom.
Guess what? I just got off the phone with my daughter and she gave me an update on her 23andme status.
You know that we adopted our oldest daughter. Remember how I told you that back then it wasn’t legal to have an open adoption. Records were sealed.
The agency that we used does have a registry for adoptees and birth parents when the child turns 18. My daughter signed the registry but her birth parents didn’t.
Remember, I said that my daughter did 23andme awhile back? Well, she was contacted by a first cousin! Her bio mom’s sister’s child. Then she was contacted by a half sibling. No one knew about my daughter. Her bio mom didn’t tell anyone, not her parents, her sister, her current husband or her children.
The cousin asked my daughter if she wanted to know who her mother is and her health history, plus other information. My daughter said that she did want to know.
Her cousin couldn’t tell her anything about her bio dad. Her bio mom was away for her first year of college when she got pregnant. So, that’s why her parents and her younger sister didn’t know anything about her pregnancy.
My daughter said that her cousin wasn’t close to her aunt (my daughter’s birth mother) but she was close to her bio mom’s dad, my daughter’s grandfather. My daughter’s bio grandmother died recently. She was a librarian.
My daughter’s cousin contacted the grandfather and he said that he would love to speak with my daughter!
My daughter still says that she will respect her bio mother’s privacy, but if she wants to speak to her that she will gladly do so.
My daughter ended the conversation with, “Mom, I love you. You are my mom who raised me and has always loved me. She is my mother who gave birth to me. I have a relationship with you. I don’t even know her. I’m so glad that I can share everything with you.”
Oh my gosh! My daughter just sent me a photo of her bio mom. Her cousin sent it to her. She looks so much like her! She sent a few other family photos too.
Makes me wonder how many people have found birth parents and children through DNA! I gave my daughter the 23andme kit as part of her birthday present.
My daughter has said that it was never a necessity to know who her bio parents were but that it is natural to be curious and that she would like to have her health history.
I want her to be happy.
So sorry that Chuck’s meeting with his daughter didn’t go well. It’s very sad. Most of us know that we can’t control how others feel. We aren’t responsible for their feelings or behavior.
I realized that the more I tried to reach out in difficult relationships, the more I became hurt by their actions, so I eventually stopped trying. We can’t tolerate disappointment over and over. It’s heartbreaking.
I tried numerous times to help my oldest brother because I truly cared about his well being.
I discovered that he was beyond help and my efforts were destroying my own well being. I had to learn that I couldn’t help a person who didn’t want my help.
Sadly, my brother blamed everyone else for his problems. He took no responsibility for his actions and chose not to hold himself accountable.
I took my mom to see him in his end of life hospice facility. I forgave him for the pain that he caused. I wasn’t angry anymore.
The emotion that I felt above everything else was just being incredibly sad. I grieved for what could have been.
He was a great person when he was sober. He owned a successful business and he ended up losing everything. His addiction literally took his life and that is truly sad.
Thanks to my wonderful therapist, I learned not to feel like a failure because I couldn’t convince him to turn his life around.
It’s tough to go through these situations. We can heal and learn to live in peace even if there is a void in our lives from things not going as we would have liked.
Actually, I grieved the loss of my brother long before he died because I had to go no contact for my own sanity.
She was worried that Chuck was going to make a scene in the hospital in front of her in-laws next week, is the likely reason she wanted to meet. He would never do such a thing, and she should've known that! He just wants to see his granddaughter. His DD said she won't prevent him from seeing his granddaughters, but how that would work Idk.
I honestly think Chuck feels RELIEF after being badgered and abused by his DD for so long. I know I feel relieved myself. It's sad things worked out this way, but there was no getting thru to her, he said.
I've always had a hard time reconciling that it says in the Bible to love everyone and how to apply that to people who sap you emotionally. Love from afar I guess.
Can't wait for the update on "As the DD Turns" soap opera.
Chuck’s daughter? Oh boy. God bless Chuck for having patience with her at all. 🤦🏻♀️
Chuck is at lunch with his DD right now....she already changed the meeting time and location once this morning! Good thing he wasn't on the highway when she decided once again she was "too busy" to meet him at 1030 and then texted him at 1039 to say she was still in bed. 😑 1230 at a restaurant was the new meeting place and time and Chuck was wired when he left here. I pray things didn't go TOO badly.
How is the water heater research going?