Tired caregiver...

I sympathize.. my MIL left her pop tart in the toaster for 30 min this morning we walked in the kitchen to flames shooting up into our cabinets and the fire alarm going off. She was standing in the pantry like nothing was happening, said she forgot! How she missed the burning smell I will never know. Missed losing our house by minutes!!!!! We grab the toaster run out front door, throw it on the driveway.. she just stands there and then goes about her business. Ugh 😑 my poor FIL who has dementia has no idea what’s going on. Needless to say we aren’t going to keep a toaster in the house any longer. I am going to scream in the bathroom for a few minutes until I feel better and then keep going about my day.

At some time it is no longer about the unrealistic desires (and fear-based decisions) of our LOs. You can't do it all and you can't do it the way he wants it and he is beyond being reasoned with. This is hard, so no guilt about your mixed emotions and wanting to be done with it. It may be cathartic to just start researching facilities as there is a learning curve which this online community can help you move through more quickly. I think the hardest work is just accepting that you will need to give your parent's care over after being such a hero for them. It's not unloving, it's not a failure. To see the reality and make a profound change that will be better for everyone is a huge step and an important success.

Even with a caregiver coming in five days a week, caring for a person with the double whammy of a stroke and dementia is beyond difficult and exhausting. Consider that in a facility, there is an entire staff of aides and nurses, dietitians, cooks, social workers, housekeepers, doctors and so on, around the clock, seven days a week. You are doing all this by yourself. Are you caring for your mother as well? Is a facility a possibility? Even Assisted Living for them.

Of course you are tired.  I read your profile.  He must be frustrated and angry he has had this happen (the stroke).  You need some time away (when care-giver is there) to be alone to sort everything out for yourself.  Or, get to therapy to help sort it out and whether you are up to doing this.  Has Dad always been so demanding?  Can he adjust to his new reality.  If not, you do not deserve to have his anger taken out on you.