If you've been keeping up with the ongoing episodes of "Tinyblu's Terrible Life" you know that the last month has been a nightmare with moving Dad to a new, less expensive ALF near my house (which is turning out to be a BAD decision) and the "misuse" investigation I endured with the VA.

Anyway, I've been reinstated as Dad's fiduciary, but that won't happen before his next ALF payment is due. The ALF REQUIRES automatic draft in order for me to receive the negotiated discounted rate, but the silly appointee refuses to complete the paperwork.

I informed the ALF of this misfortune and offered to fill out the automatic draft form for the portion that comes out of my bank account, but they won't accept that. Instead, they are going to make me pay $494 more because I won't do the ACH form for the full amount. I'm kinda stuck.

Any suggestions on what I can do. I HATE being caught in the middle of all this. Once again, my hands are shaking uncontrollably and I'm all jittery. Hopefully I can reel this back in so I can work... another day.... more nonsense.

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Tiny, as Surprise suggests, there are alternatives. My first thought is why waste time on whoever isn't completing the form and go straight to the top exec, and making it clear that whoever is responsible needs to get on the ball and complete the forms NOW.

Make it also clear that you're not pleased and will consider an alternative placement if they can't handle something as simple as completing a form.

This is not a criticism, but have you ever thought of taking some training in assertion, maybe even a Martial Arts course to help build your confidence? My father taught us some Judo moves when I was a teenager; it helped build my confidence. I'm even thinking of taking Karate as I've seen that caregiving can seriously deplete and affect one's self esteem.

From what I remember of your history, I suspect that your father was a major consumer and threat to your own self esteem.

Stand your ground.

Tinyblu, I have an idea. How about turning over his guardianship type care to the state with a state-appointed guardian? The only reason I did not do that with mthr is that she has serious assets we wanted to protect ( Partial reparations for abuse suffered.).

Once you are relieved of the burden of financial care, then you can simply visit as the daughter. APS *suggested* it to me because of the abuse in her background before they knew of her assets and our expertise in that area. If you were abused as a child, you **should not** have direct care of your abuser. Please take that possibility off the table for your own sanity and safety.

Pay the extra money and make a copy of that payment, get a receipt, and charge your dad's account for that by reimbursing yourself for that amount. It's his expense, and you are loaning him money. He can even have a written loan agreement in place that you get him to sign, very simple on a piece of paper, handwritten. His scribble. It's ok. 

...and this is why I keep entertaining the idea of finding a house and taking Dad in myself... Once I'm reinstated and my lease ends, it's not totally off the table... We'll see...

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