I have had to change that promise in a subtle (or maybe not-so-subtle) way: "I will take care of you as long as I am physically able to."
When talking about why she didn't seek medical care for her various ailments over the last 25 years, Mom's stock excuse has always been, "I never thought I'd live this long!" She pretty much talked me into taking the same attitude, and I made the Noble Promise thinking she might be right.
Well, she wasn't. She did live "this long," and the additional 25 years of life have been as long for me as they have been for her. I've gotten older, too, and I'm starting to feel the effects of the years. The difference is I've resolved to seek medical attention for things that bother me, and it's helped me to stay in better shape than she has, but there are some things that can't be fixed that easily. And time refuses to stand still...
Over the last couple of months, there have been new challenges. At first, Mom could get in and out of bed by herself, no problem. Then she had trouble getting in, so I had to start helping her heave her legs, which are quite heavy, into the bed. Now, it's trouble getting out of bed... and the sad thing is, she already has a hospital bed. It's getting more and more difficult each day.
She had no problem eating her meals by herself for many years. Now, I put on her bib, push her wheelchair as close as possible to the table, vacuum the floor and "empty" the bib after she's finished. She spills so much now, it's only a matter of time before I'll have to feed her...
When Mom first came to live with me 10 years ago, she could still go to the bathroom by herself. Incontinence led to her to using a urinal, but she could still have her BMs in the toilet. Now it's Depends and a commode beside her desk, and she's having more and more trouble getting there in time...
There are lots of other things happening that we never thought would happen, but you get the idea.
The fantasy (for Mom) was that she would just die in her sleep long before she became completely incapacitated. The reality is that God takes us when He is ready to do so, regardless of what we hope for.
In hindsight, I wish I'd never made that promise. I should have known better, and instead made a promise that was based on both love and practicality. But we both thought that things would be different.
I am copying this from a previous post of mine. And this is sugar coating it, leaving out the accusations by her.
I don't bring up any thing re my mom unless I have to. But I no,longer have to call the police about what criminal fix it person she has allowed in, and how much money they may have taken for that day, because they figured out she could not remember whether she paid them or not. Nor do,I have two banks calling me that these people have brought your mother to the bank to cash checks they got from her and she is talking about financing a 70k truck for one of them.
Why? Because she is in a memory care facility.
I Am deeply appreciative of those who share their stories. Some are very painful and I recognize that. If you can, come into the jungle. If not, understood.
I agree. Not a promise that should have been asked and not one that should have been accepted. The validity of the promises dissolved when the ability to reason and self care evaporates
I have had to change that promise in a subtle (or maybe not-so-subtle) way: "I will take care of you as long as I am physically able to."
When talking about why she didn't seek medical care for her various ailments over the last 25 years, Mom's stock excuse has always been, "I never thought I'd live this long!" She pretty much talked me into taking the same attitude, and I made the Noble Promise thinking she might be right.
Well, she wasn't. She did live "this long," and the additional 25 years of life have been as long for me as they have been for her. I've gotten older, too, and I'm starting to feel the effects of the years. The difference is I've resolved to seek medical attention for things that bother me, and it's helped me to stay in better shape than she has, but there are some things that can't be fixed that easily. And time refuses to stand still...
Over the last couple of months, there have been new challenges. At first, Mom could get in and out of bed by herself, no problem. Then she had trouble getting in, so I had to start helping her heave her legs, which are quite heavy, into the bed. Now, it's trouble getting out of bed... and the sad thing is, she already has a hospital bed. It's getting more and more difficult each day.
She had no problem eating her meals by herself for many years. Now, I put on her bib, push her wheelchair as close as possible to the table, vacuum the floor and "empty" the bib after she's finished. She spills so much now, it's only a matter of time before I'll have to feed her...
When Mom first came to live with me 10 years ago, she could still go to the bathroom by herself. Incontinence led to her to using a urinal, but she could still have her BMs in the toilet. Now it's Depends and a commode beside her desk, and she's having more and more trouble getting there in time...
There are lots of other things happening that we never thought would happen, but you get the idea.
The fantasy (for Mom) was that she would just die in her sleep long before she became completely incapacitated. The reality is that God takes us when He is ready to do so, regardless of what we hope for.
In hindsight, I wish I'd never made that promise. I should have known better, and instead made a promise that was based on both love and practicality. But we both thought that things would be different.
I don't bring up any thing re my mom unless I have to. But I no,longer have to call the police about what criminal fix it person she has allowed in, and how much money they may have taken for that day, because they figured out she could not remember whether she paid them or not.
Nor do,I have two banks calling me that these people have brought your mother to the bank to cash checks they got from her and she is talking about financing a 70k truck for one of them.
Why? Because she is in a memory care facility.
I Am deeply appreciative of those who share their stories. Some are very painful and I recognize that. If you can, come into the jungle. If not, understood.