Support Group for Caregivers:

Hoping that Tiger is having a better winter than expected. "Grueling Winters" sound rough. Your friends miss you Tiger.

For those who celebrate Christmas as the Birth of Jesus, Merry Christmas!

Happy Holidays to everyone.!

Going on 5 years now as the primary care giver to my mom. Last October had to make the toughest decision of my life and move her into a nursing home after she fell at home with me 15 feet away sleeping on her couch. She fell out of her chair she would sleep in. (End Stages COPD). I moved in to take care of her. Finished her basement into an apartment. 8 weeks after, had to start sleeping on her couch to be able to hear her breathing and be there if she had an exasperation. I completely put my life on hold. My late 30's and now early 40s have been spent taking care of her. Whereas part of me is thankful I was in the position to be that person, it has changed me. I am exhausted. I am burned out. I am tired. I am angry. I get short with her at times when she will focus and dwell on something that is not relevent (to me at least) and I feel horrible when I snap out of it knowing she doesn't entirely know whats going on. She is pretty much still with it, aside from the confusion here and there and the fact she will focus on 1 thing and won't stop mentioning it until it is done. I could be something as simple as moving a coffee cup off her tray table. It could be me wiping out an alert on her phone. I feel I am losing the compassion and patience I have always had and have always been proud of to be honest. I have 3 siblings who each visit 1 day a week. We all live within 20 minutes of the nursing home. I am there 7 days a week. If I can't be there I will do all I can to arrange for one my siblings to at least stop by for an hour. Then the excuses start. They have kids, they have wives, etc. I am sorry, but if an hour out of your life during the week is too much to ask, then I don't need you in my family. That is where I am at now and I hate it. I hate the resentment I have towards my siblings. I hate that my mom now has the expectation that I am there 7 days a week. During the week I get out of work at and visit until 8pm. Then drive 40 minutes home. Rinse and repeat. Weekends I am there from 12pm until 8pm. The problem being now, if I am not there she panics. She will call non stop on my cell phone throughout the night. I will not remove her phone due to that is her lifeline and i am not 100% sold on the staff there being 100% dedicated to her care. Then again, that can be said about all nursing homes to an extent. I am just tired. I haven't been on even a mini vacation since 8/2014 when I took her to Myrtle Beach for what would be her last vacation.
Yesterday we celebrated Christmas at my brothers house. When the day was over it was left to me to bring her back and deal with the " I don't want to be here" and "Why do I need to be here". I would have loved nothing more than to have kept her in her residency with the help of an aid. But she needed 24/7 care. January 2019 she fell and broke her hip in the nursing home. Being no surgery could be performed they told us 3 days to a week. That was almost a year ago. We spent 6 weeks on edge, getting funeral arraingements set up, calling relatives in to visit. My brain has turned to a bowl of oatmeal at this point. I just want to sleep and can't. I don't sleep given the calls at all hours of the night.

I really didn't have a question. I more needed to vent and get this off my chest. my siblings response has always been "well you don't have kids or a family so...." So basically because I put my life on hold it is expected it remain on hold until that day comes when I am no longer needed to care for my mom.....

Just tired, burned out, frustrated, stressed, Exhausted in NY

Crusher,
Those mini-vacations can work wonders. It is time you take one, imo.
Welcome, hoping you find support, knowing there are others who are experiencing your challenges right now.

Good venting! You have been read.

Crusher, you need to stop visiting as much as you do. Even if your mom calls you all the time you need to change the cycle. Otherwise this will continue. She'll get used to the new schedule or she won't. But for your own sake and sanity you'll have to do this.

Find support here.
We want loving, understanding support, being held up when we are down.

Most people know when to call 911 or if they don't they probably won't come here looking for advice.

Anyone else here have their message board infiltrated? Messages that were there suddenly disappear. Messages come on from poster that has left the site. A message is there but can't be responded to. Having a question asked and not bothering to change the picture the previous poster used. Well that all happened today. Be careful with who you think people are.