Support Group for Caregivers:

Send....I checked out that link you posted about complicated grief and found it very helpful.

I know I have alot to work through & It's good to know there's help available out there.
Thanks so much~

Thanks for the clarification on sarcasm, (sendhelp)... But it's not for me, to engage with that type of expression. I feel it masks an inability to communicate, or inability to understand a discussion. Just sayin'.

I enjoyed reading an article on how our own thoughts can change our brain chemistry. Is it too "farfetched"? Check it out: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-your-thoughts-change-your-brain-cells-and-genes_b_9516176

@sendhelp, ✌I do appreciate the welcome you sent me, cuz in general I do feel unwelcome on this site. But I will contribute faithfully & hope to fit in, despite my shortcomings.

Tiger, it can take a while to find a place on the forum (it can be hard to join any clique) but if you just keep talking you are bound to attract the notice of others who like your comments and agree with your point of view, don't be put off by the ones who make a point of telling you when they don't.

Tiger,
Thank you for your contributions and commitment. I hope you can recieve support, as well. Sincerely hope you can find someone who can make you feel more welcome. You and any shortcomings are still welcome here.
I did try to private message you in response to your PM to me, however your account is not set up to receive. And that is so understandable, privacy is so important, even on this forum. I know it is to me.
Will apologizing for sarcasm help you? If so, I do apologize to you. Sorry for my
part.

Maybe you could recieve more support if you addressed your comments to the support group here, in general. Then we would all feel it is not a private conversation. Well, yes, I am addressing this post to you, but also to others who
may be offended by poorly attempted humor, using sarcasm. So sorry!

To the support group:
This is a support group to give and receive support to past and present caregivers. To attempt actual "therapy" on a public forum is dangerous and ill advised.

By history, myself, when in a group (support group or group therapy), I was often singled out, even attacked! More than once, the therapist intervened on my behalf.
(Strange, huh?).

To continue today's theme on how your thoughts can change your brain chemistry......I agree, it is even scientific, not just a popular mantra on social media.
It is not too-far fetched, imo.

WW literature:
Shift your mindset from fixed to a growth mindset. 1) Learn to identify a fixed mindset. If a setback or challenge triggers a reaction like "I can't", or "I'm bad at this"-that's fixed.
2) Talk back to it in a growth mindset voice. Remind yourself of challenges you've overcome in the past and what you learned. How can you apply those lessons to this new situation?
3) Keep practicing.

My advice:
Do not be your own worst enemy with your thoughts. Change your thoughts.
The bible even covers this topic...."Think on these things"........
Reference anyone?

Ok. I survived my past. I can survive anything!

Philippians 4:8
Finally,brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things  are honest, whatsoever things  are just, whatsoever things  are pure, whatsoever things  are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

KJV?

Yes KJV

Speaking of sarcasm. I have a brother who is always sarcastic, especially with me. I don't enjoy it. In fact in his case I think his sarcasm is thinly veiled hostility. So while sarcasm sometimes is funny and dry wit, in his case I think it represents impotence, helplessness and lack of maturity.

I am trying to change my negative thoughts to positive but it seems like nothing is going well in my life right now. I wonder sometimes if I'm bringing it on myself somehow. While I do pray and trust the Lord I think he sometimes needs to bring us to a point where we have no other choice than to just give up and stop putting barriers up so he can get in there and help us.

I know I feel tired so much now and life seems impossible. I am getting to a point where I just don't care and feel like I'm standing back and watching things from somewhere else. I feel detached from myself these days is what I'm trying to say. I think it's a form of self-protection maybe.

A little dry wit, and back-and-forth banter can be fun for me, but only if done in fun.  It is different than teasing that can become mean. I have to step away and ask myself how I felt. If it continues, I have to avoid that person. Hard to live with a relative who makes a habit of it.

What kind of studies show brain chemistry changes? I know my mood can change, even my responses.  The way I start my day makes a difference. When I start with prayer and meditation, everything seems easier. When I don't, my thinking has been changed from negative to positive by reminding myself what I've been told by friends. I can restart my day at any time. That's the self-talk some one else mentioned.

How I start my day makes all the difference too Grannie Annie.
Sometimes I grab one of the journal's I kept when I was caring for Mother and that makes my day harder.I know better ,but I still do it anyway.

I just feel very vulnerable these days. Like I'm on the verge of tears all the time. Part of it is withdrawal from antidepressants. So many articles say go back on them, but I don't want to. I've read how they can cause memory loss, dementia, etc. So I'm just going to have to live through this till I can get to the other side. Plus it doesn't help that so much is going on in my life now with my brother and my cat. I haven't been out to see my brother in a while and I feel guilty about that and so on and so on. Sigh..............

Hubs and I rented a movie last night called The Mustang about a program where prisoners tame wild horses. The main character was this closed off, angry man who became totally attached to this horse he was trying to tame. It was a simple movie but I found it quite touching cause this horse tamed him too.

I don't need to be tamed but I'd love to have a horse to bond with.

Gershun- have you ever tried Ashwagandha?

Lu- you should start new journals. Each day writing a good memory of you and Mom. It will be your Book of Love.

I kind of have a Book of Love going already smeshque. It's a grief journal called "Forever in my Heart" where I write down answers to prompts given throughout the book on good memories of Mother but thanks for that idea anyway.It helps me to remember to pick up that book instead of one of the journal's I kept when Mother was so ill.

Smeshque, I hesitate to try anything else right now. For a while, right after I first discontinued the Effexor I was trying CBC oil and then the dreaded Lyrica and now I kind of want to just stay as clean of anything as I can. But maybe in the future. Thx for the suggestion.

I do take Klonopin occasionally for sleep. Half the dose that was prescribed and still I feel zonked the next day. You know that feeling you get when you nod off in front of the t.v. and then suddenly wake up with a start. I feel like that the whole next day after taking Klonopin. We'll be driving along and then DH says something and I jump. No, I'm not the one driving. Can you imagine? LOL

Gershun- so sorry you are going through a lot. Hang in there. Praying for you.

Howdy y'all! When I first learned of battling stinkin' thinkin', the self help was to visualize hitting the cancel or exit button on the remote control of your brain & change the negativity channel to the positive affirmations channel. I taped hand written quotes & affirmations & Bible verses on the kitchen cabinets, bathroom mirrors, doors, computer screen, etc so there was always a positive response in sight. When I caught myself dwelling on the negative I would say cancel, cancel, cancel & read the nearest affirmations out loud. It helped me make it through a very rough patch.

When I get stuck in the "pit of despair" I sing or say "Amazing Grace" out loud or just to myself. Focusing on the message of the verses lifts me above my worries & cares.

Appreciate Gershun's post, ...understand. Sorry for your struggle & hope improvement for you. Please do very slow withdrawl, that helped me, cuz I couldn't tolerate cold-turkey withdrawl. First I tried cutting my pills, (to reduce dose), & later experimented with spacing them out by skipping a day (or two) to get adjusted more slowly to less drug. Each of us is different & if you keep a tight record of each day's dose, mood, ect, it will help you make progress. God bless. Message me if you need a "withdrawl buddy".

Thx Tiger, I may take you up on that offer if this doesn't start getting better.

I'm worried for you Gershun, with the klonopin, (cuz it could simply become addictive also). Just since you're so sleepy, consider using smaller dose klonopin. Write down times & doses religiously, & notes on how you feel EVERY 3-4 hrs. I had a benzo problem for over 20 years, just sayin'. I'll gladly help you. (P.S. no cbd oil with klonopin)

Sorry Send, I'm not trying to highjack your thread with my concerns. Forgive me!

(Send), I tried an interesting self care app for 'help with our mental outlook'. "Youper" app is quite comforting, (I made a genuine effort) to explore the A.I. therapy it offers. I hope you'll check it out & let us know what you think. Maybe many here could benefit like I have. Thanks.

Please enjoy this positive reinforcement (u tube video) from a free CBT organization in the UK. So many great resources seem to be coming out of the UK😀https://youtu.be/bhdXuvCxAkY

I had to look for resources that are free, cuz can't imagine paying for therapy. It was depressing enough to be part of my mothers 6year decline, but even more now: it hurts to see my kids lives going into the crapper. (God Almighty I could use some uplifting news for a change), but meanwhile I try these various self-help resources & try to move forward anyway.

Does AtulGawande even recommend Ashwagandha?

🤣

Well my F I L, a retired doctor answer to everything is "go have a glass of orange juice"

Did I mention he is retired?

Whew!!! Thank Goodness!

Not that I have anything against orange juice.