Support Group for Caregivers:

Shell- that is a great response. I am gonna copy that and put it on my desk,to remind myself.

Stinkin’ Thinkin’ Is a phrase commonly used with 12-step programs. It refers to negative thoughts or speech. Moderators in a 12 steps program will always try to redirect negative conversations in a 12 step meeting. Almost every group therapy will have certain personalities. There will usually be someone who tries to dominate the group. There will be a negative individual. There will be a drama person. If on one person talks about their problem, the drama person will have the problem only theirs will be much much worse. Friendships may develop that extend outside the group sessions and might be the cross talkers carrying on a private conversation or totally off topic. Friendships can be a problem in an open group. The friendships may make newcomers feel unwelcome. In a closed group that’s not a problem. Several years ago I worked with a closed Al Anon group. They were like a happy family; ended every meeting by going to a local Dairy Queen. They had been together for about 7 years. I’ve moderated groups for Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon, Overeators Anonymous, Survivors of Sexual Abuse and Survivors of Domestic abuse. While all are not identified as 12 step programs, they all have similar themes.

Thanks for that Becky, sounds like some good information.
I was in a group therapy many years back. I now know that my role was the scapegoat, (not a 12 Step at all).

Feel free to enjoy the group here. Everyone is welcome.

I have contacted a few posters who will moderate if anyone gets to stinkin, because I would not make a good group leader.

BTW, Shell will not be joining us tonight, she has been locked out by a glitch
in the website, same as some of us are experiencing.

Shell, just so you know, there is a good reason I bring up your screen name.
There are little A/C website creatures following me around, and this is how I notify them of an issue, lol. Sometimes, they fix a problem right away, late at night.

Speaking of negative talk. My Hubs has a habit of joining me in bed at night and regaling me with all the negative thoughts in his head. Twice now it's led to me nearly having a panic attack. Last night for instance. I end up leaving the bedroom and hyperventilating in the other room. I've tried to get it through his head that thoughts are things. They pervade my mind and right now I don't need the added stress of the demons swirling around his head in addition to my own worries (especially right now). Don't get me wrong. I care about him and what concerns him. I just don't need it in my brain when I, an insomniac to begin with am trying to relax so I can go to sleep.

Groups. I've been the leader, the scapegoat (cheers Send!) and the one who desperately tried not to roll my eyes when someone monopolized the group with their life story every evening. (I left that group after three sessions)

Removing oneself from the source of irritation early on can help.

Once, I had to jump out of bed and say: "And that is why therapists only have 45-50 minutes per session!"

When I had difficulty sleeping, I was advised to get out of bed, repeat a bedtime ritual (aka sleep hygiene), not to sweat it or lay there thinking, but read a book.

These 3:00 a.m. awakenings recently allow me to say hello to people all over the world as they are getting up. hello, going back to sleep soon. : )

Just got a mail order catalogue with tee shirt: " Please Unsubscribe Me to Your Issues."
(Hmm... wonder if my family would 'get it'?)

Google says it's 8:30 on the west coast - have you had your coffee yet Send or are you still tucked in bed?

Well, my bird Tweety slept in, and I was considering my thoughts very carefully.
Thanks for asking after me CWillie. I am already dressed!

Unfortunately, it is the same clothes as last night, and I have no funny Tee Shirts to wear. Very funny Living South! Wouldn't it be nice if AC would gift Tee Shirts with something written such as: AgingCare.com 24/7. ?

So, to correct the need for more than 6 hours of sleep, in the past, I have drastically reduced my coffee consumption!
Drank half-calf. The rapid heartbeats which once were recommend to see a cardiologist and wear a halter monitor went away!

I remember going to cognitive therapy for anxiety and everyone heading to the coffee pots, pouring the coffee and then saying "this is decaf isn't it?" looking all worried.

Hello Canada!
If I stop drinking coffee, I will get headaches, right?


What are some phrases, quotes, that help change thinking to positive?

I have used: "Nothing bad is happening now".

Sometimes, I can argue with that, of course something bad is happening!
Then I laugh at myself.

Here is my favorite thing to say to myself...good times or bad times, "All things work together for them who love the Lord according to his purpose."

And my second is, "If God is for me who shall prosper against me?"

Send, you are silly at times.😛

Shell,
Thanks, I will take that as a compliment, coming from you. It is not easy being silly, but I have practiced here on AC for years. The goal is to lighten up, to not take life too serious.

I can also be serious, especially when it comes to the bible. I also like the verses you quoted. To quote accurately, I looked this one up for you:
Romans 8:28 King James Version (KJV)
28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

But I knew what you meant. Hope you don't mind.

Now, I must run to update my silly blonde look, adding highlights to my hair today!
Lol.

Send, It was a compliment. And no I don't mind. I knew I was a little off and couldn't remember where it was in the bible. But people would get the point!

So thank you😁

Developing mindfulness skills can be very helpful in many situations. I belong to a mindfulness group. We meet three times a week. Most of us in group tend to involved in many projects, work situations. Helps to keep us focused in the here and now, not letting us drift into past or move too quickly into future .

One time when I was scared and worried about Mother,I didn't know what to do,so I baked a cake that we were able to enjoy later.
That's kind of like turning a negative into a positive I guess.

From groups Iv'e heard "What you hear here ,stays here" and another one I've heard is 'Take what you want and leave the rest". and also HALT, which means don't get too hungry,angry,lonely,or tired.

I've been trying to come up with something insightful, or at least something funny.
Sorry, I've got nothing.

I'm right there with you Willie. I've got nothing today either.

It depends Lu.......
Was the cake chocolate?
Well then, Yes, that is a positive!

Caregivers often turn negatives into positives using distraction and diversion techniques. It requires a creative and sharp mind to do that. Surely we can all distract ourselves....by baking a chocolate cake.

Gershun and CWillie,
This thread is for you, to help yourselves, or help others. The "support" comes mostly from just being here with others, just like the other topics on Aging Care.

Everyone, there was no intention to require this thread to be a 12-Step program, was just looking for ideas. If the 12-Steps have helped anyone in the past, we can use what has worked.

Maybe we have tried too hard, there is no obligation to post everyday. But so nice to see you here anytime! And thanks for supporting this thread!

Knowing that I could not do it alone......You all are great to show up!

Many thanks!

Yes Send,it was chocolate cake....How'd you know~

like many in this group my only answer is Christ. I could not go it alone. Get to know Him and believe. Life will be easier. Still have the same problems but know He cares
blessings

To get here today, I clicked FORUM at the top of the page, scrolled down to DISCUSSIONS, and ferreted out this title, click! Here I am.

Send,
WHAT? This isn't a 12 step program?😱 I'm on the wrong thread and/or website!!!


Just kidding!😀

Read, read, read and educate yourself.
Watch Teepa Snow videos on YouTube, all of them.
Find ways to reduce stress - exercise, meditate, eat cake!, whatever works for you
Get respite - get away for at least an hour once a week or more if humanly possible, plan to get a longer vacation annually.
Always have a plan B

12 step groups generally work best for addiction situations. Support groups usually find their best practices based on the members and the type of support for which they are searching.

CW, Good answer/suggestions.

I'd sure like a AC t-shirt Send.That's a great idea.I guess the color would be blue and white,huh.The bluer the better.I can't keep anything white.

Sign me up for a t-shirt. Blue is my favorite color.

Ive been looking at helpful sites about developing more resilience. In my case, I think 'recovering' my resilience is accurate. As a senior, resilience may have faded due to loss of hormones & exhaustive life events. I do find it hopeful that 'neuroplasticity' is still there though, & any age can learn, unlearn, or re-learn skills for enjoying life more. (&Thank you for the support group 'sendhelp').

How we can lighten the load.....
HEALTHY LIVING
10 Ways Sarcasm Makes You A Better Person
JK, you're the worst.
ByLindsay Holmes
Excerpted....
While everyone lobs a snarky remark here and there, a sarcastic person expresses humor in verbal irony by making statements that defy their literal meaning. Anecdotally, many people who identify as sarcastic claim that they can't help their salty commentary. For them, it's as natural -- and important -- as breathing.

Those who are sarcastic are the rulers of the universe, displaying more wit and intelligence than any other personality type (that was sarcasm, obviously). But, in all seriousness, snarky commentary is a quick way to get misunderstood.

But sarcasm isn't necessarily a bad trait to possess. Below are just a few things you should know about sarcastic individuals and their shared smart-aleck personality type:
1. Sarcasm may be a sign of good brain health.

Research shows that a little sarcasm can be a good thing when it comes to cognitive function. In fact, an inability to detect sarcasm may even be a sign of brain problems or disease, like dementia. Through a series of MRIs, scientists found that sarcasm lives in the parahippocampal gyrus, the part of the brain associated with memory. How's that for a reason to sharpen your wit?

2. It helps you pick friends.

Sarcastic people tend to dish out their snark more with their loved ones than anyone else. This makes it important that they surround themselves with people who appreciate their sense of humor (which research shows is crucial to social connection). Sarcastic people appreciate people who not only have the ability to tolerate their smart-ass comments, but can give them back.

This support group is not meant to be exclusionary, or cause anyone offense.

Some caregivers experience traumatic events during the death of a loved one, and struggle with that, but there is hope.

When online, I ran across a blog article at Good Therapy . org. after entering PTSD and Prolonged Grief. Excerpted here:
"Prolonged grief (PGD), also known as complicated grief, can occur when symptoms of grief are exacerbated and persist over lengthy periods of time. Experiences such as reliving the death event; being reminded of the death through mental, visual, or auditory stimuli; and even experiencing intrusive thoughts are all symptoms of posttraumatic stress (PTSD)......"


Tiger,
You are welcome here.