My perspective towards my mother changed after I put up a security camera to observe the care my mother gets during the day. The aide provides her basic needs but alot of the time the aide is in the living room with my mother but watching TV. No conversation. I now have more empathy towards my mother and give her a pass when she says irritating things. I suggest getting a security camera so u really can know what your loved one is dealing with during the day/with a caregiver. I got mine for a little over $100 on Amazon. It has audio and video and records. The aide hasnt detected it and it sits on top of a curio to give full view of the living room. You can gain more compassion once u see the truth. And yes the agency has been contact and we are searching for a new aide.

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I had the same observation when mom came home from rehab last year - she would often be asleep at the kitchen table or in her chair watching some trash talk show the caregiver was watching

What about doing a puzzle or taking a walk or doing some bicep curls ?

Well, fast forward a year and mom is no longer at home but in a memory care facility where I still have this same agency hire private care giver with her - why?

Not because she's getting mom to do her exercises but because mom needs help and loves her and I can't be there everyday

At some point you have to let go of what once was and accept things are now different

Does your mom accept this caregiver in her house - does she feed her and see to her needs?

It's tough job which doesn't pay much - I'm just happy anyone is wiling to hang with mom 4 hours a day and keep her company and keep me informed as to how she's doing

God bless you and mom

PS. A family friend initially told me about these cameras as she has live in caregivers for her mom and the first one was being abusive

In my dad's case, there are a couple of reasons for me to have cameras (which are in plain sight). He has different people coming in and out - different home nurses, different days, not a set schedule or one person. It's helpful for me to be able to confirm who was there on any given day. Unfortunately, his home nurse care has sometimes been off-schedule in the past -- cath changes didn't happen when they were supposed to. I wish I would have had records of that.

Also, I can see if my father has been up on any given day. I didn't put a camera in his room (not trying to invade his private space), but there is one in the area he has to walk through to go the bathroom. Even if I'm away for a week (or move out for good), I can check the remote viewing of the cameras on my phone and see if he's been up, and I'll know he's ok.

I have mixed emotions on the cameras. On one hand I would not like to be watched and on the other hand I would like to know how my mother acts when we are not at home. When we are home she rarely leaves her chair. I want to know is she acting different if we aren't here? If she does do differently when we are gone then I need to help her to feel she is able to do whatever when we are home.

rioblu, I can't help but wonder what your mom would be like alone. Would she be pacing, worrying, obsessing? If just having someone there keeps her happy and calm, let it be.

Rioblu, those security cameras can also back fire if one has an excellent caregiver and the caregiver finds out about the camera.

That happened to my boss who was curious how his wife, who had Alzheimer's was doing during the day... he had cameras all over the house and had told the day caregiver about the cameras. For a week it was ok, but the caregiver felt so uncomfortable being watched even though she wasn't doing anything wrong.

My boss wishes he never had installed those cameras as the caregiver gave notice and left.. She had been his wife's one and only caregiver for a couple of years, always on time, etc. It was just the caregiver felt like someone was following her around the house watching her, very uneasy feeling.

My boss had a very difficult time bringing in new caregivers... he even took down the cameras. What was so very hard was his wife kept asking for the previous caregiver with whom she had bonded, which was so important with dealing with someone in late stage Alzheimer's. She had refused anyone new. So he had to stay home with her unless one of their grown children could take a day off from work to stay with her.

I think the only time those cameras are helpful is if one expects physical abuse of a love one.

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