I guess I am here on this site to put my thoughts out there to see if anyone else has experienced the same challenges I'm facing with my father who has been diagnosed with dementia. My mother passed away about 7 years ago and like a lot of men, my dad was approached by a family member who was recently widowed herself. In the beginning I was happy to see that he and she had someone to be with, but over time I noticed that she was there when it was convenient for her as her priority was her family which often led to my dad being alone. I have always been there for dad since my mom passed away and kept a good relationship with him as I truly love my dad and wanted the best for him. Over time I had received phone calls from my dad where he was crying and or mad because this lady friend had not even called him or wasn't around. I have taken my dad to the doctor, to visit family as well as taken him and his lady friend to family functions in the past. Over the last 7 years, I have seen the changes that have come as a result of the dementia in my dad's behavior and because the lady friend did not really help him much, I hired a care worker to come in 5 days a week to help him and keep him company. The lady friend was extremely upset about this and would not be part of this plan. I feel that she has now been turning my dad against me, saying that I hired someone to do her job, but she didn't lift a finger in seven years to help. I am exhausted and tired of always hearing nothing good about how I've helped my dad, but he always goes on and on about this lady friend. Even though she will not work with the plan I have place with the care worker. It is so very sad to see this happen to my relationship with my father after all these years. Anyone have suggestions on how to not make too much upset in the family and deal with the lady person? I have now had to restrict the time that I go to visit because it is so painful to watch.

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Is your dad still able to live alone? Maybe it is time for an assisted living situation. Lots of people there he would not have a chance to be lonely.

Dear May2017,

Sorry to hear what you are going through. I know its tough and you are doing the best you can for your dad. Its very difficult to see our parent's health decline. Please do not distance yourself from your dad. Introduce yourself to his lady friend. Get a sense for yourself if she can be even trusted. As Gary has said must protect the valuables and the bank accounts. You will need this funds if your dad has be moved into assisted living or a nursing home. I know its frustrating not see your efforts recognized by your dad, but maybe this is due to mental decline. Hang in there.

Is there someone Who can inform this lady( Dr, or Clergy?) That You are the closest family member and spend time and money to keep Him healthy and cared for. She needs to take a step back and allow You to do what feel is best.
Remind Her that this the beginning, considering the dementia which is only going to get worse and that You are preparing for Dads progression to be as smooth and safe and uneventful as possible. She has foot in the door. Are You certain She doesnt have Her eye on any valuables within the home,or worse yet, the bank acct. Has She ever asked Him for a "loan". Make sure to be alert. She may counting on the dementia to pad Her own pockets. If They are alone when She visits,She may be able talk Him into (or out of ) anything You can imagine. And Keep a close eye on any one You hire. Find a closet in the house that You can lock valuables in. Any documents should be in a safety deposit box. Be firm, He is Your Dad!!!

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