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@polarbear

I don't find it ironic at all that AgingCare swooped in and corrected the spelling of 'disposable underwears'. The administrators of this group have themselves a teacher's pet who they agree with.
I make an innocent reference to sand (those who read my comments know what I mean) and they edit it out. I've seen people on here soliciting members of this forum to promote their own businesses. No one's in any big hurry to correct or edit them.

@lealonnie1

We can't say elders or old people anymore? Of course no one can should ever say 'old bag'. I mean have some class. The proper term is 'old baggage'.
;)
So in our wokeness (what we have as a society, allowed to reach epic proportions of absurdity and nonsense to the point where we will soon become a non-verbal species who must communicate through emojis only lest we offend someone), what are the new politically-correct terms for old people?
-Youthfully challenged?
-Middle-aged deficient?
-How about just a symbol? You know like when Prince became 'The Artist Formerly Known As Prince'?
The new symbol for the elderly can be a pyramid. Or a model of Stonehenge. Maybe a picture of the Colosium in Rome. That's pretty old. Any one of these can now be the symbol representing the group of people formerly known as the elderly.
God help us all.
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Old timers on the forum - please feel free to ignore - but I do really enjoy watching you "like" each others posts. Quite the tight show, ya'll are a hoot. And by hoot, I mean definition 1 of "thefreedictionary". ;)

Following BlueEyedGirl94's lead, I will also add some incontinence product humor, for the enjoyment of those "outsiders" who haven't given up on the discussion threads.

True story. Being married, since basically childhood, to an attractive, younger looking man can be a pain in the bum. Women were always approaching him, especially in our 20's, 30's and 40's, even when I am present.

We were at some point in our 50's in Sam's Club and my husband was waiting for me outside the restroom. I emerge and there is some younger thing chatting him up and he is loving it. I have learned to have fun with this sort of thing over the years. Most of the time I just wink playfully at the female, that seems to throw them off their game.

This time I was inspired due to shelves in front of me and called out to my husband, "Honey, I forget, do you prefer the medium or large Depends?

Yeah, he was still muttering about it on the way home.
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I will also add - just to mix in a little bit of humor - I have worked as a content editor in a former life - and one of the funniest things I have ever seen was a situation just like what we are talking about - where the system would "auto replace" certain words. Especially in English - so many words are used for different things.

So let's just imagine for a second this exact scenario - where we replace "Diapers" with "Incontinence Underwear" and someone is trying to say "When my children were still in diapers" and we end up with "When my children were still in INCONTINENCE UNDERWEAR"

So a wholesale remove and replace is not always the best idea - it doesn't always work for everything and causes a lot of confusion. And if AC just starts picking words to replace it could become chaotic. It is already confusing to me when I can't find the post subject that *I* created.
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"So is leaving an original post ALONE, AS IS, without moderators correcting errors in spelling, especially on a thread calling folks out on THEIR incorrect usage of WORDS!"

Lea, you're right. OP incorrectly spelled disposable underwears as "disposal underwears" while correcting people for using the word diapers. AgingCare swooped in and corrected her misspelling. But in OP's latest post, she misspelled "disposable underwears" again. Ironic, isn't it?
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Clearly, this issue is a trigger for many. It is semantics.

And, yes. Most of us are over-worked, exhausted, grieving, overwhelmed.
It is my opinion and way of respecting an adult wearing disposal underwear.

It doesn't mean that everyone here feels the same way. As indicated in messages to me, some people are very upset with me - due to the stressors they are managing. I do understand.

And, this forum is for all of us to share our feelings, support, opinions.
If some need to get their anger and frustration out on me, so be it.

Gena / Touch Matters
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@TouchMatters, I think you should pick a new topic each day and place it under discussions. That would give us newbies somewhere to write in the discussion section.
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Anyone care to comment on the term
“Caregiver”?

Nahhhh. Giver a rest !
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So I take it you're against calling the elders "old bags", too, huh? 😁😂🤣

This post is actually a good example of how caught up our society has become on words and being offended by them. Ralphie Mays was a comedian who spoke about words having power simply bc we GIVE them power. We can be as righteously indignant as we'd like over what an incontinence product "should" be called, but in the grand scheme of a caregivers exhausting day, the last thing they need is a scolding or a lecture by anyone. Perhaps a kind word would go a lot further than virtue signalling that you're more tuned into semantics than she, who is up to her elbows in feces, is. Support is the name of the game here.

So is leaving an original post ALONE, AS IS, without moderators correcting errors in spelling, especially on a thread calling folks out on THEIR incorrect usage of WORDS! 😑
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I wasn't going to waste my time responding to this ridiculous post, but in the end I just couldn't resist.
I mean with all the nonsense going on in this world and all the heartbreak and struggles on this forum alone, and someone is actually more concerned about what we call adult diapers on here??? REALLY???
Please, don't waste our time with such nonsense. We are all grown ass adults on here and we can call them whatever the hell we want. We don't need the "diaper" police telling us what we should or shouldn't be calling them.
I'd like to think that most of us know what our loved one prefers us to call them. I know for myself with my husband I just called them his new underwear, but I really don't care if Susie wants to call them diapers, underwear, incontinence briefs or whatever, as only she knows her loved one best.
So lets get back to what's really important in this journey called caregiving, like lifting each other up and encouraging each other and quit with the silly semantics.
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@Natasana

THANK-YOU. I think you've summed it up the best it can be.
Just call it a diaper and everyone will know what to do.
Well said.
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I could try Natasana approach . Maybe if I called it a diaper to my FIL he would change more often or let the staff help him in AL.
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Natasana, thanks for the laugh! Sorely needed!
"Just call it a diaper and everyone will know what to do!"
That is a gem, and I mean that truly and sincerely!
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All due respect to those with opinions on this shouldn't-even-be-issue. Here's my experience. Mom will NOT pee in anything called underwear, pullup, brief, what-have-you. After all, we've all been taught that we don't pee in our undergarments right? So to help her demented brain understand what these things are for, I refer to them as diaper. She will pee in a diaper so that's what we call the thing. That proves more respectful than requiring her to remember multiple times a day and night that she isn't wearing regular panties any more, and she shouldn't wet herself trying to remove her disposable underwear watchamacallit...its ok to pee in it. I can't even remember all the nuances of these terms. So the disrespect comes with demanding we use some special word and requiring mom to know it means and while she's working on those nuances she is peeing on her clothes, the floor, and everything in between. Just call it a diaper and everyone knows what to do.
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Maybe some acronyms should be created for the offensive terms. TB-tabbed briefs
PU-pull-ups
IP-incontenance pads..
;)
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When my kids were babies I used to say “ It’s time to change your pants “.
I don’t know why I did that, but it stuck , DH would say it too . 😬. I should ask my adult children what they think . Lol
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@Way2tired

You're exactly right. Any time one of my care clients needed a diaper change I simply told them they needed to get "changed". Or they need to get "cleaned up". Of course there have been a few who were so stubborn and in denial that they had to be told plainly and bluntly that they smelled because they were sitting in sh*t. A few even had to be shown. You do what needs to be done.
Calling a diaper something other than a diaper won't cure the incontinence issues of the person wearing one. They aren't going to get up and go to the toilet.
It is what it is. Most caregivers don't use the term 'diaper' in front of their care recipients.
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Just because someone says diaper on this forum doesn’t mean they use that actual word to the person that wears them .

That’s how I got scolded by my friend. She texted me to ask how my FIL was adjusting to AL. I told her he still refused care and still wasn’t changing his diaper more than twice in 24 hours . She told me I shouldn’t call them diapers . I told her we call them underwear or briefs in front of FIL .
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Personally I never call them diapers but I don't care what others call them. I prefer the term disposable briefs (or undies). There are a lot of indignities to be suffered daily as we age and decline. Wearing diapers is yet another one.

That being said, when we talk about adults wearing diapers IMO it just adds to the reasons why some elders are so resistant to them. It is a mental, emotional and psychological stumbling block for many. Honestly I would not want my adult children to call them that to my face. Words have impact and consequences. But we participants shouldn't be so dogmatic about what words are used here. The only person we can (and should) control is ourselves.
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Please stop being the word police. People need to be allowed to express themselves however they feel is appropriate. Caregivers use the term diapers correctly. Academics and public health professionals also use the term adult diapers. It's not intended to be disrespectful; it's just a reality of their caregiving situation. And when someone uses the term diapers, who are you to scold them or demand that the moderators change *their* wording?
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Depends calls their pull up product "Fit Flex" underwear. Tena does too. Some say incontinence. But the picture on the front of the pkg tells it all. I looked up the tab type and looks like they are called briefs. But that all could be because people don't like the word diapers. Its not politically correct.

One of the nurses I worked for hated the word diaper too and had a fit when any of the other nurses did it. I try to say Depends because everyone knows what that means.

I have to agree its a little too much to ask the Adminstrators to read every post and change the word "diapers". And what should it be changed to "incontinence briefs"? A lot to write when your on a tablet using a stylus. I abbreviate as much as possible.
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Alva, Good point about unsuspecting caregivers using the word diapers and get blasted for using it.

Suffering caregivers: "I"m so overwhelmed ... barely hanging on to my sanity...., mother has dementia... in diapers..., I don't know what to do..."

Word police: "How dare you use the word diapers!"

Suffering caregivers: "...please close my account..."
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I appreciate and understand your advocacy for our OPs for certain, and your advocacy for the dignity of our elders. But I think our coming down hard on OPs who make this mistake isn't good, and I think they are unlikely to see this warning. They are in the midst of a dire change at the time they write us about this, and yet we make it an issue of semantics. I know words matter, but the sad truth is that they no longer matter to the elders sinking into the abyss of dementia, and our OPs are already distraught and in need of our help. I know we need your post here, and need to consider it. I just suffer for the OP who recently posted us of her feelings in changing her mother, and half of us came down on her for a word.

I am not criticizing your message to us here; it is good food for thought. I am just trying to advocate for our suffering OPs.
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What baffled me ….. Was when my mother who wanted to keep her “INDEPENDENCE ”. (which meant I did everything for her in her home ), would send me out to pick up more “DEPENDS”.

You would have thought that would have been the last term she would have used .
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When people use the term "pull up" I think we all understand that means some kind of incontinence product that is like underwear. When people use the term diaper they may be talking about that too or they may be referencing tab style briefs, but for me the term is less precise. I've noticed diapers gets used more by people whose first language may not be english, and by people who are new to caregiving and are less aware of all the various terms and definitions. I do know that if I use the industry term "briefs" often nobody knows what I am talking about unless I add the qualifier "tab style".

One thing that does bug me is when people call them pampers - but then I just shrug my shoulders and figure that's a cultural difference.
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Question:

Is anyone here offended by the term 'pull-up'?
How about you TouchMatters? I've seen you reference the term 'pull-up'.
Actually, a 'pull-up' is a licensed and trademarked product made by the company that makes Huggies brand diapers for babies. A 'pull-up' is for toddlers who are being potty trained.
Adults don't use 'pull-ups' and yet I've seen you use this very term in reference to adult incontinence wear. Most of the people on this forum have also used it mysef included.
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Get over yourself. Really.

Old age is sad. Dementia and disease and incontinence are too. Believe me, if a person is at the tragic point in their life where they are crapping and peeing all over themselves, the very least of their worries is what someone calls the garment they are crapping and peeing in.
The lucky ones are the ones with dementia and aren't even aware. The unlucky ones who are aware don't care at that point in their lives.
When you're a caregiver to people who are incontinent what matters the most is kindness and not making a big deal about cleaning them up. Then make sure they are properly cleaned up to prevent their lives getting made even harder by things like a UTI and skin breakdown.
I would know this because I did it for 25 years as a caregiver.
So really Touch. Do us all a favor and get over yourself.
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I think clarity matters more than your perception of a word being disrespectful.
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I also have never liked the term "diaper" and I do not in any of my responses I will refer to them as "briefs" either pull up or tab or incontinence underwear or product.
But that is my preference and how I chose to word things. I can not "force" someone to change their thought process if they do not want to. I have often mentioned that I think the term "diaper" is demeaning.
There are other terms that some people use that I don't strictly because of the connotation. (for example I have read someone saying a person is "demented" the actual definition of demented is: a person that is behaving wildly and intentionally usually due to anger, distress. And next to that is similar: mad, insane. The second definition is someone affected with dementia.) But I would not ask that the term "demented" be expunged from someone's post.
When I asked the CNA where I could find an adult "bib" she said that she prefers the term "clothing protector" mainly because the ones for adults cover much more than a baby bib.
I will not use the word "Depends" when talking about an incontinence product. Depends is a Brand Name Product and it is trademarked just like Band-Aid, Kleenex, Xerox and unfortunately for the companies they seem to have become everyday words.
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Kinda humorous, I was very careful with my dad never to say “diaper” but he, with fully sound mind until the end, used it himself all the time. One of his many quotes he often said “one thing I’ve learned for sure, we come into this world using diapers and we leave using diapers” Miss my dad
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Perhaps the fragile incontinent elderly who are obliged to wear them might prefer “briefs” though, and according to definition, “diapers” refer to garments worn by babies.

Is it harder to say “briefs”, or “aprons” instead of “diapers” and “bibs”?

Nothing bad about diapers, except if the wearer is a PhD + who served on her state Supreme Court for decades, and has had a stroke that has stripped her of her dignity and respect?

Words can hurt. If given a chance to use respectful language or not, do our elderly deserve our best, or not?
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