Please change all references from diapers (for adults) to disposable underwear.

“Briefs”’ is a good way to go also. When my very “with it” dad got ill so suddenly, he took to wearing briefs since he was on lactulose, a laxative . We always called them briefs.

AC is not even removing vulgar cuss words from the posts here!! I find it highly unlikely they'll get their overworked "IT Dept" to change all references to diapers to "disposal underwear" which I assume you mean disposable underwear?

I try to say underwear or briefs but sometimes I slip and say diaper . It usually happens when I’m upset , it slips out unintentionally .

Diapers and disposable underwear aren't the same thing.

Depends are disposable underwear and the wearer can pull them up or down as needed.

Diapers are for the fully incontinent.

The fact is, most of us start life in diapers and end our lives in diapers. Euphemisms won't change that, and I've already seen too many people posting here who think disposable underwear equals diapers then can't figure out why they leak.

Better to use their proper names, I say.

I don't find the word diapers in anyway disrespectful. The first time I heard someone getting offended by that word, I thought it was odd. That's just a word to mean a certain product. Nothing bad about diapers. Thank goodness for the invention of the diapers. Imagine if we didn't have them. Yikes!!!

I had a friend ( retired nurse ) scold me for using the word diaper

Way, that nurse was probably very constipated. Haha.

Nah

If it flies like a duck, quacks like a duck, and swims like a duck, it’s a duck.

Thank you MJ!

Touchmatters, I know what you are trying to accomplish and I don't disagree with trying to be respectful. But at the same time - as MJ stated, there are literally adult diapers. With tabs - I don't think you can call those disposable underwear - and honestly I don't think that is disrespectful to call it what it is.

Depends - I can get - basically those are the equivalent of Pull-Ups to me - but I can certainly understand why if we aren't calling them the brand name - why it would feel better to not call those diapers. My FIL didn't want us calling those types "diapers" when he first started wearing them because it was embarrassing to him. If we called them Pull-Ups or Diapers it upset him. But when he has been in the rehab and hospital and they actually used the tab kind - and they called them diapers - he started using that term - because that is what they are.

I am 100% for being respectful in our terminology. But as MJ said - I don't think we can change what they are if they really are diapers. I mean I guess by it's most simple definition - because it is worn under other clothing, it fits the bill - but I think most people who are wearing that type vs the Depends either know they are in them and that they are actual diapers, or aren't even aware they are in them, because someone else is having to change them.

Not to mention that we now have actual Reusable Incontinence Underwear - that is actually NOT disposable - at least not as a one use - you have to wash them each time they are "used" but I'm assuming they probably don't last as long as regular underwear and their effectiveness lessens with each wash- so to some extent it actually IS disposable somewhere between one use and regular underwear.

Now, I agree - that we probably don't need to be shouting to the high heavens in public to say my FIL that he needs to change his diaper - that is probably intentionally disrespectful when we could be much more discreet. But just the use of the word here - when everyone is doing the same thing and knows the meaning - I don't think it is derogatory or disrespectful - I think it is reality.

Just because some of you are offended by calling a diaper a diaper doesn't mean you get to preach to those of us who are not; my mother was not offended either, she was never one that believed in hiding truth behind cutesy language. And besides that we are caregivers talking among ourselves, we're not addressing the people we are caring for here and the things we type here may have nothing in common with the words we speak. GET OFF IT.

Perhaps the fragile incontinent elderly who are obliged to wear them might prefer “briefs” though, and according to definition, “diapers” refer to garments worn by babies.

Is it harder to say “briefs”, or “aprons” instead of “diapers” and “bibs”?

Nothing bad about diapers, except if the wearer is a PhD + who served on her state Supreme Court for decades, and has had a stroke that has stripped her of her dignity and respect?

Words can hurt. If given a chance to use respectful language or not, do our elderly deserve our best, or not?

Kinda humorous, I was very careful with my dad never to say “diaper” but he, with fully sound mind until the end, used it himself all the time. One of his many quotes he often said “one thing I’ve learned for sure, we come into this world using diapers and we leave using diapers” Miss my dad

I also have never liked the term "diaper" and I do not in any of my responses I will refer to them as "briefs" either pull up or tab or incontinence underwear or product.
But that is my preference and how I chose to word things. I can not "force" someone to change their thought process if they do not want to. I have often mentioned that I think the term "diaper" is demeaning.
There are other terms that some people use that I don't strictly because of the connotation. (for example I have read someone saying a person is "demented" the actual definition of demented is: a person that is behaving wildly and intentionally usually due to anger, distress. And next to that is similar: mad, insane. The second definition is someone affected with dementia.) But I would not ask that the term "demented" be expunged from someone's post.
When I asked the CNA where I could find an adult "bib" she said that she prefers the term "clothing protector" mainly because the ones for adults cover much more than a baby bib.
I will not use the word "Depends" when talking about an incontinence product. Depends is a Brand Name Product and it is trademarked just like Band-Aid, Kleenex, Xerox and unfortunately for the companies they seem to have become everyday words.

I think clarity matters more than your perception of a word being disrespectful.

Get over yourself. Really.

Old age is sad. Dementia and disease and incontinence are too. Believe me, if a person is at the tragic point in their life where they are crapping and peeing all over themselves, the very least of their worries is what someone calls the garment they are crapping and peeing in.
The lucky ones are the ones with dementia and aren't even aware. The unlucky ones who are aware don't care at that point in their lives.
When you're a caregiver to people who are incontinent what matters the most is kindness and not making a big deal about cleaning them up. Then make sure they are properly cleaned up to prevent their lives getting made even harder by things like a UTI and skin breakdown.
I would know this because I did it for 25 years as a caregiver.
So really Touch. Do us all a favor and get over yourself.

Question:

Is anyone here offended by the term 'pull-up'?
How about you TouchMatters? I've seen you reference the term 'pull-up'.
Actually, a 'pull-up' is a licensed and trademarked product made by the company that makes Huggies brand diapers for babies. A 'pull-up' is for toddlers who are being potty trained.
Adults don't use 'pull-ups' and yet I've seen you use this very term in reference to adult incontinence wear. Most of the people on this forum have also used it mysef included.

When people use the term "pull up" I think we all understand that means some kind of incontinence product that is like underwear. When people use the term diaper they may be talking about that too or they may be referencing tab style briefs, but for me the term is less precise. I've noticed diapers gets used more by people whose first language may not be english, and by people who are new to caregiving and are less aware of all the various terms and definitions. I do know that if I use the industry term "briefs" often nobody knows what I am talking about unless I add the qualifier "tab style".

One thing that does bug me is when people call them pampers - but then I just shrug my shoulders and figure that's a cultural difference.

What baffled me ….. Was when my mother who wanted to keep her “INDEPENDENCE ”. (which meant I did everything for her in her home ), would send me out to pick up more “DEPENDS”.

You would have thought that would have been the last term she would have used .

I appreciate and understand your advocacy for our OPs for certain, and your advocacy for the dignity of our elders. But I think our coming down hard on OPs who make this mistake isn't good, and I think they are unlikely to see this warning. They are in the midst of a dire change at the time they write us about this, and yet we make it an issue of semantics. I know words matter, but the sad truth is that they no longer matter to the elders sinking into the abyss of dementia, and our OPs are already distraught and in need of our help. I know we need your post here, and need to consider it. I just suffer for the OP who recently posted us of her feelings in changing her mother, and half of us came down on her for a word.

I am not criticizing your message to us here; it is good food for thought. I am just trying to advocate for our suffering OPs.

Alva, Good point about unsuspecting caregivers using the word diapers and get blasted for using it.

Suffering caregivers: "I"m so overwhelmed ... barely hanging on to my sanity...., mother has dementia... in diapers..., I don't know what to do..."

Word police: "How dare you use the word diapers!"

Suffering caregivers: "...please close my account..."

Depends calls their pull up product "Fit Flex" underwear. Tena does too. Some say incontinence. But the picture on the front of the pkg tells it all. I looked up the tab type and looks like they are called briefs. But that all could be because people don't like the word diapers. Its not politically correct.

One of the nurses I worked for hated the word diaper too and had a fit when any of the other nurses did it. I try to say Depends because everyone knows what that means.

I have to agree its a little too much to ask the Adminstrators to read every post and change the word "diapers". And what should it be changed to "incontinence briefs"? A lot to write when your on a tablet using a stylus. I abbreviate as much as possible.

Please stop being the word police. People need to be allowed to express themselves however they feel is appropriate. Caregivers use the term diapers correctly. Academics and public health professionals also use the term adult diapers. It's not intended to be disrespectful; it's just a reality of their caregiving situation. And when someone uses the term diapers, who are you to scold them or demand that the moderators change *their* wording?

Personally I never call them diapers but I don't care what others call them. I prefer the term disposable briefs (or undies). There are a lot of indignities to be suffered daily as we age and decline. Wearing diapers is yet another one.

That being said, when we talk about adults wearing diapers IMO it just adds to the reasons why some elders are so resistant to them. It is a mental, emotional and psychological stumbling block for many. Honestly I would not want my adult children to call them that to my face. Words have impact and consequences. But we participants shouldn't be so dogmatic about what words are used here. The only person we can (and should) control is ourselves.

Just because someone says diaper on this forum doesn’t mean they use that actual word to the person that wears them .

That’s how I got scolded by my friend. She texted me to ask how my FIL was adjusting to AL. I told her he still refused care and still wasn’t changing his diaper more than twice in 24 hours . She told me I shouldn’t call them diapers . I told her we call them underwear or briefs in front of FIL .

@Way2tired

You're exactly right. Any time one of my care clients needed a diaper change I simply told them they needed to get "changed". Or they need to get "cleaned up". Of course there have been a few who were so stubborn and in denial that they had to be told plainly and bluntly that they smelled because they were sitting in sh*t. A few even had to be shown. You do what needs to be done.
Calling a diaper something other than a diaper won't cure the incontinence issues of the person wearing one. They aren't going to get up and go to the toilet.
It is what it is. Most caregivers don't use the term 'diaper' in front of their care recipients.

When my kids were babies I used to say “ It’s time to change your pants “.
I don’t know why I did that, but it stuck , DH would say it too . 😬. I should ask my adult children what they think . Lol

Maybe some acronyms should be created for the offensive terms. TB-tabbed briefs
PU-pull-ups
IP-incontenance pads..
;)

All due respect to those with opinions on this shouldn't-even-be-issue. Here's my experience. Mom will NOT pee in anything called underwear, pullup, brief, what-have-you. After all, we've all been taught that we don't pee in our undergarments right? So to help her demented brain understand what these things are for, I refer to them as diaper. She will pee in a diaper so that's what we call the thing. That proves more respectful than requiring her to remember multiple times a day and night that she isn't wearing regular panties any more, and she shouldn't wet herself trying to remove her disposable underwear watchamacallit...its ok to pee in it. I can't even remember all the nuances of these terms. So the disrespect comes with demanding we use some special word and requiring mom to know it means and while she's working on those nuances she is peeing on her clothes, the floor, and everything in between. Just call it a diaper and everyone knows what to do.

Natasana, thanks for the laugh! Sorely needed!
"Just call it a diaper and everyone will know what to do!"
That is a gem, and I mean that truly and sincerely!

I could try Natasana approach . Maybe if I called it a diaper to my FIL he would change more often or let the staff help him in AL.