Please change all references from diapers (for adults) to disposable underwear.

Yes I think TouchMatters meant well. Personally, as AC said, I think it's good to write "adult diapers" as a topic. And personally, I think it's good to avoid the word "diaper". I think "adult diaper" is just fine. But again, these are just my views.

At this point I could care less what they are called ….so long as my FIL allowed his diaper, underwear , drawers , pants , briefs , bloomers , panties, speedo …..whatever be changed more often .
🙄😤😤🙄

Hi, Touch Matters,

AgingCare has a topic called "Adult Diapers" because this wording is a highly searched term on Google, meaning, when people go to Google looking for information about disposable underwear, the vast majority are typing in "adult diapers". We want people to be able to find the resources they need on AgingCare, and so we have a category named after what they have searched for. Changing the name of the category would mean significantly less people finding this resource on AgingCare.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with the community, we hope you're having a good week.

Good intention? Really? Please read the subject line again.

TM wants to dictate what terminology everyone else can or can not use based on HER judgement.

I don’t consider that good. I call that censorship, overreaching, and total disrespect to other people’s freedom of speech.

I think OP has good intentions and is wanting to be kind and considerate. Vocabulary is indeed important. In my house, "diaper" would be utterly unacceptable, but "adult diaper" is OK. I agree with other forum members who say "every family is different".

@venting

There's nothing wrong with calling things what they are. If you believe it will make an old person feel better calling a diaper 'panties' or 'briefs' or anything else, then people should do just that.
I think it's absolutely ridiculous that caregivers talking amongst themselves in a support group for caregivers are getting upset by the term 'diaper' being used.
It does not make a caregiver using the term diaper here more considerate or kind than anyone else.
It makes them sound knit-picky, santimoniously over-sensitive, and ridiculous.

I think your intentions are good, TouchMatters. You just want to be considerate and kind, and vocabulary does matter.

I do agree with what some people here say, "every family is different". I always called them "adult diapers" because that was what made everyone comfortable in my house. No one wanted to call them disposable underwear, or similar.

Growing up we called them panties and underwear.

So that's what I called them with my Mom too. Mostly panties.

I just thought if that's what she was used to, then regardless of the product, I'd continue to call them what she was accustomed too.

Every family is different, but it made sense to me.

There's a topic called 'Adult Diapers'

Is on humiliating if you are putting off that vibe... My mom doesn't really care what you call them. She calls them panties or briefs so that's what I call them.

We don't call them diapers in front of My wife. Briefs or pads. Its humiliating enough for Her to need to use those products. And to live with the loss of control over Her body. While still very much aware mentally of whats going on.

I agree. Language matters. I don't like the use of the term diapers for adults either. Put yourself in the place of the loved one who has incontinence. It's already difficult asking for help and then to refer to disposable underwear as diapers is especially deflating to self esteem. Diapers are for babies. Let's not infantilize older adults with health needs.

@stacy - I don't think it's that privates get better....LOL. I think doctors just worry less about them and the conditions that can affect them. They aren't worried about pregnancy. I don't think they are nearly as worried about sexually transmitted diseases as they should be in the over 50 set - because let's face it - just because the under 25 crowd has "cornered the market" on the highest percentage of STDs, the number of people 55 and older that have them is nothing to sneeze at. And all kidding aside, the sheer number of people living in Assisted Living facilities and Skilled Nursing facilities that end up with STDs is slightly shocking to people that don't think anyone over the age of 40 actually participates in the activity anymore.

They say they better understand how things like cervical cancer works and so they don't need to screen as often - but I still think that women (and men) who are sexually active (and not necessarily monogamous and safe) should be getting screened for other things. More men and women are back in the dating pool in mid-life and later than ever before. They encourage them to get tested regularly. But not for women to have annual gyno exams. It's all very odd to me.

And when doctors start throwing around words like atrophy and replacing hormones and all of the fun things that happen in that region during menopause - I most certainly don't think the words "getting healthier" apply LOL.

KC- you're a gem, a good man.

I’m the official procurer of personal care products for my family. I have 3 young adult daughters, 4 infant/toddler babies, my ex MIL and my Mom. My cart at Costco overruns with diapers, Depends, tampons and pads. If it catches pee or blood I buy it.

Stacy, about that exam...I was told over 65. I was so happy when I was told that.

Bandy ,
Same here . Myself and 3 sisters .
Mom said “ No tampons. Why would you stick a cork up there and stop the flow? It’s unnatural. “
My one sassy sister came back with “ Ok so why do you dye your hair then , Mom. “

@freqflyer

I sure am happy I was not alive in the nonsense times where periods were something shameful that had to be kept secret and no man could ever buy a box of pads or tampons. I always took care of buying my own products though. Not because either of my husbands had a problem going to the store if I needed them to they didn't, but because they never got the purchase right.
My mother was very secretive about womens' health and told us girls nothing. She bought into all the ignorant, old wives tales concerning periods. Especially the ones about tampons. I've been using them since I was 12 years old. Never a problem. It's a good thing I came from the generation where kids got taught sex ed in school and I have older sisters. Otherwise I would have been in the dark, totally ignorant, and probably with a dozen kids there with me. No thanks.

ff, when I was growing up, you didn't tell anyone that you were "on the rag." I remeber my mom washing the "rags" and hanging them out to dry in discreet places, and told me to do the same. Imagine my shock when a very close friend told me that her FATHER wash her rags and dry them out for her. She told me he didn't mind doing that at all as she was having really bad cramps and had to be in bed. Wow! What a great dad he was!

Back when I was a teenager [1950-s-1960's], I remember how embarrassing it was to go to the store and buy a box of "sanitary napkins". I felt like all eyes were on me. Back then, we were told by our Mom's we couldn't use tampons until we were married.

Even when I was married, my then husband refused to buy a box of pads/tampons for me. It just wasn't done, no man would be caught dead with a box.

As for the non-disposable underwear, ok maybe for those of us who oops while laughing or sneezing, or even just standing up.

As to what generation I belong in? I now consider myself part of the "Always Discreet Generation" :)

And instead of offering advice - some posters jumped all over this poor OP about using the word "diapers". 


*******

This site is the absolute best source out there for help with aging and caregiving issues. The people who post are the reason its such a solid resource.

Unfortunately, there are a posse (definition 3) of folks who appear to be cave people armed with sticks running around looking for something/someone to bash.

As BEG94 said

 "not the time or the place to be the word police and make an already distressed and anxious poster feel even less heard and welcome! "

Interesting - now the title has even changed to include the parenthetical "For Adults" - that wasn't there before. Why all of the subterfuge over a post?

@Touchmatters - I don't think anyone was questioning the fact that the way we use words can be disrespectful. I can't imagine anyone would continue to call it "diapers" if the person they were talking to was offended or felt disrespected when they did. As I mentioned early on - we used the word once or twice with FIL and he absolutely hated it (of course he is a raging narcissist so for him it was all about pride and not wanting anyone to know that the Great FIL who is better than anyone on the planet would have to wear incontinence underwear or rather Depends in his case because he refuses to wear anything but that brand) So we stopped using the word. However, he literally wanted us to just call it underwear because he didn't want any indication that there was a problem at all - even to the doctor and we had to put a stop to that much at least because his DOCTOR had to know there was a urinary incontinence issue. But we were respectful otherwise.

I think the issue is about semantics and more than that, also about timing. The original post that started this trickle down was from a person who was trying desperately to come to terms with helping a spouse who was wearing incontinence underwear - who has gone downhill significantly and was alarmed at watching their spouse deteriorate. They were asking for advice on how to deal with it and how to help. And instead of offering advice - some posters jumped all over this poor OP about using the word "diapers".

Imagine how that feels - not "you are doing the best you can, this is hard for everyone. Get her to the doctor, get her checked out. You have a right to feel the way you do...." anything in the realm of helpful.

This poster got "First of all...you can help your wife the most by not calling them DIAPERS!! It is disrespectful to her!" From at least 1/3 of the responders and it started to degrade their original post. I'm sorry - not the time or the place to be the word police and make an already distressed and anxious poster feel even less heard and welcome!

There are times here when tough love and honest truth are called for here certainly. But that post - was not the time to bang a guy's head into the wall and run him through the ringer for his choice of words. The man is grieving the potential loss of his wife, at least the one he has always known. And he's getting bombarded with negative feedback on a single word. How about the fact that he was changing ANYTHING filled with feces from his wife - how about instead of attacking him for what he called it - we recognize that he didn't run for the hills the first time it happened and give him some credit for looking for help. Do you know how scared he has to be that this is happening and he is going to be responsible for everything now?

If we wanted to crusade for better portrayal of the community and better representation - there were far better ways to achieve it.

Touch - some of us saw your ORIGINAL post and tag line BEFORE AgingCare changed the wording and corrected your misspelling. And yes, you were calling for AgingCare to change the word "diapers" to "dispoSAL underwears". Now, you claim you didn't write it that way. Hmmm...I think you have trouble telling the truth.

I have a feeling AgingCare is going to either close this thread from further comments or delete it altogether.

I believe my comment was misconstrued. I certainly was not implying that AgingCare 'should' change anyone's comments or wording. Of course not. Clearly, the 'tag line' above isn't what I initially wrote. Who edits these? Thanks - you got me in a whole lot of trouble.

I was saying that if AgingCare uses specific phrasing / words that others (readers / site users) will become familiar with words reflecting respect and sensitivity. Its similar to the word 'handicap' or handicapped' commonly referred to now as disability or other-ability. Words are powerful - and could convey judgments and associations, and give a mental image of what the words mean. Or the words/phrasing retarded was replaced with developmentally disabled. These changes are all around us - all the time - and as society changes - so does the jargon.

In any event, I certainly stirred up a conversation and/or controversy, and reactions speak to the person speaking them, not to me and my suggestion which reflects respect of an adult. Everyone here is free to express how they feel and believe.

And, yes. In my experience, compassion and understanding is critically important when making comments or 'advising,' 'suggesting,' or telling someone what they should or shouldn't do (most of my comments focus on a person setting boundaries (for their own mental health/survival in stressful, difficult situations), looking at patterns of behavior, finding their own ways / avenues to gain support, taking care of their health and well-being), supporting open, honest communication to meet family needs. This is objectionable?

Should anyone here feel that calling adult disposable underwear a diaper, so be it. If you do not find this offensive or disrespectful, so be it. I do and say so. However, responding in cruel, judgmental, angry responses speaks volumes of the person responding/writing, it doesn't speak of who I am.

As I read some of the comments here, it is quite a conversation about generations, understandings, and more. Some interesting thoughts came out of these 81 comment, including rage towards me (although it is much broader and meaningful than the dumping on me).

Words / terminology is about marketing and psychology, and how society changes. Ultimately, I am in favor of words that respect a person as they age, become disabled, and need products.

We are in such a divided country now, politically. I can hardly get my head around younger people who's 'life experience' is knowing that it is common knowledge - over the last few decades - that their peers get shot or killed in schools, and that they are not safe, either. It is almost incomprehensible to me to realize how younger people understand, internalize and experience the world as it is today. I remember reading ... what a couple of decades ago - or longer (ago) about civility. That we lost it. Sorry, I am getting off topic. Leave it to say that all these threads are weaved together in and reflecting our society. And this is just my opinion.

Gena / Touch Matters

I think the diva cup sounds intriguing, but I don't think it something you would want to commit to if you are away from home half the day.
As for the rags - don't forget that girls often stayed home from school during that time of the month because those rags were not reliable, especially if the only toilet was a privy and the source of water was not necessarily adjacent to it.

Alva, they are ‘poddy calves’, not ‘potties’! It means 'still sucking'.

In an older generation than mine, gossips used to watch the washing lines to see if ‘the rags’ were in the wash. If not, a baby was presumed to be on the way. Pregnancy was on the grapevine within about two weeks of conception!

Bandy. It’s only 1955.

Bandy7

Im sorry you are in pain . I didn’t know you had surgery .

Yeah there were a lot of kids born after WW2 My mom started first kid 1953 , last kid 1970 , but she was an oops .

The suburban neighborhood I grew up, most houses had between 5-8 kids . Kids everywhere when we went outside to play.

@cwillie,
I agree . I really don’t consider myself a boomer . 1965 is not anywhere near 1946.
My son is a 1989 millennial .
My daughter is 1996. She is in the same situation as I am. Depending on definitions she’s either the youngest millennial or the oldest Gen Z .

Back to the original title of this post:I change diapers for my grandchildren. My mother wears incontinence briefs or underwear if you prefer. I live in the US so I use those terms.

I realize I am late to this particular party as now it is on generation terms. I believe I am a baby boomer having been born in 1956. My children are millennials having been born between 1981-1985. I didn't think those parameters had changed.