My father is incontinent, has nephrostomy due to kidney failure, has serious mobility issues, heart attack, metastatic prostate cancer.

My mother has mobility issues, chronic afib and can't get around. They are both becoming confused especially my father.

My father is a veteran but we have had a lot of problems getting veteran benefits.

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If your state does a Medicaid waiver program for AL, then I'd do that route. But is sounds as if Dad would qualify for skilled nursing, which would mean a NH for him. I'd suggest that you try to get them both into NH and apply for Medicaid for them both at the NH. The good part is most NH understand the Aid & Attendance part of VA benefits and they can probably help in getting that done if they already have alot of veterans as residents. For your dad, with his having a cancer, he will qualify for hospice. The good part is that Medicare pays for hospice related medical 100% but the bad part is that Medicare does not pay for the room & board part of NH costs. That is why he'll need Medicaid too.

I'd start by contacting NH in your region to see which can work with you in doing the Aid & Attendance benefits and also takes Medicaid. Good luck.

Have you looked into Medicaid for your parents? With so many health problems they may be helped more by being in a skilled nursing facility. Even if they make too much to qualify for Medicaid, they may be able to spend down and receive assistance. Their conditions are beyond the level of expertise of most family or private caregivers. I would check on their Medicaid eligibility, then shop around for a facility that accepts Medicaid. It would be great to find one where they could stay together.

If they don't qualify for Medicaid, then perhaps hospice would be good. With his conditions, your father sounds like he may qualify for hospice. The potentially bad thing with hospice is that your father could not receive rehabilitative care, only palliative care. The good thing is that they will work for what Medicare will pay.

Please let us know how it goes for them. Many people are in the same position as you are. There are so many hard choices to make. None of them seem to be good choices. We just have to choose the one that seems best.

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