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They won't accept any help from me now. for the moment anyway



I think my POA demands put them over the top, I think they think I want their money, of course I don't



She is so scared to make me the POA because she knows my sister will freak out, she is so scared of her :(



I am scared of her too but my mother could have nipped her evilness in the bud and she didn't



She is a very sick person, she has caused so much damage



She is completely out of her mind and now she has a child! my mother is still impressed with her even now, she has money a good job and all the right clothes, she also has no friends and she is miserable



ugh I shouldn't post this but I will



I appreciate this forum!

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In other words, she is impressed with her because of her money and posessions

she is coming up here this week, she is going to spend the day with my mother

my mother will be thrilled esp if she brings gifts that are upscale

my father is still there but that won't matter, he will sleep through it and he isn't exactly blameless
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Well then.
They know your number if they wish to change their mind & involve you.

You've advised them of your views already I believe (from another post) is that right?

But they won't (or can't) plan.

No matter how I phrase it.. ("I have concerns" - rather than "you should..") I have one LO that sees this as *interferring*. No more I can do.

I advised. LO decides. Let the chips fall..
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Penny, in your shoes, I would take several giant steps back.

Spend your time and energy finding a good therapist who can help you move on from seeing your self-worth through your mother's distorted lens.
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“she is impressed with her because of her money and possessions”

It’s unfortunate so many people do that. I think some of us are guilty of doing that, too. We tend to be impressed by wealthy celebrities. If it’s a poor celebrity, we’re not so interested. We’re sometimes too impressed by wealth.

Instead, we should be impressed by good values.
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Did u express to ur parents that without having POAs thay there will be no one to speak for them when they can't speak for themselves? Meaning, the State can take over their care.

You need to except that Sis is the golden child. No matter how u try to be there for them, its always going to be Sis. So time to step back. Don't call them, let them call you. At this point they have made it clear, they don't want ur input. And if they do call with a problem, I may say "well, as you have said, that's really none of my business, so how about call Sis and running it by her". To me thats the only way people know they have hurt you.
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Hi Penny - I think you should look at this as a blessing. It's so much healthier just to focus on building up your own life - who cares what your parents think and why....your sister seems horrible too, so why be enmeshed in any of this?

If they told you to "mind your own business" - then listen to their words and consider it a welcoming message to make your own life matter.
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Warning:

OP, unless you totally walk away, whatever problems your parents get into, will land on you in the future:

like if you partially walk away now, and return later, the mess might be even greater (if you want to help then).

It’s totally up to you. It’s just good to look ahead, try to predict the future, and avoid future problems for you.
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I think it is perfectly acceptable to say to elderly parents "I can't continue to respond to emergency requests. It's clear to me that some better planning for the future is needed here. If you'd like me to be involved in that, let me know. But I can't respond to these supposedly one off emergency requests that could be avoided with better planning."

If they have an "emergency" call 911 for them.
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I have to agree with others. Talk to your parents and let them know that if they refuse to plan for the future now, you will not be available for emergencies or assistance in the future. You will not clean up their messes because they refused to do any long term planning.

lkdrymom 8/8/23
(seriously, when is this posting issue going to get fixed???)
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“(seriously, when is this posting issue going to get fixed???)”

I think way after summer.

Remember that the delete function stopped working in January 2023. AC fixed it in June 2023.
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Follow up, after radiation my mother's cancer is the same. no spreading which is good.

Unfortunately. My mother and my sister I am sure are talking about me behind my back. I have seen a few messages from my sister, I am too scared to look at my mother's responses.

If they have everything planned out together would they please leave me be? I can't seriously take it anymore. I don't want to be a grocery delivery girl while my mother throws me under the bus .

I think they are two peas in a pod, my mother will never talk about her but I am pretty sure they talk about me all the time esp with what I saw on the texts .

She lives in another state idk if care anymore.

If her allegiance is with my sister should I even care. If I walk away they will have to fend for themselves because she is in another state far away.

p.s. they have a poster sized picture of them with her and her kid in their tiny living room, it takes up a whole wall, I have to see every time I go there they agree it's too big but won't take it down, my sister had it made and sent to them.
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Sounds like a drama triangle dynamic.

Where there is one 'victim', one 'good guy/gal' & one 'bad guy/gal'.

Are you feeling pushed to wear the 'bad gal' label?

Why hang around to be run over?
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So, they like sister better? So what?

Stop pandering to your parents in hopes they will start to like you.
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Consider your parents' telling you to mind your own business as an opportunity. An opportunity to get yourself off the hook for any caregiving or responsibility for them. You dodged a bullet here, my friend.


Then tell them both to go pound sand. So when the next crisis happens and we all know it will, you do exactly what they wanted and mind your own business. Don't accept POA even if they want you to take it because then everything will legally be on you. Let your sister the 'Golden Child' deal with their dysfunction and problems.

Your sister can deal with them.

Believe me, you'll be doing yourself a favor.
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Penny,

Yeah, it hurts…but let me tell you that when that light bulb finally comes to life and we see things that we didn’t see before, it’s a beautiful thing!

Family is wonderful, until they aren’t wonderful anymore. Then, it’s time to part ways, without any expectations for reconciliation down the road.

This way, if there are reconciliations, it’s a pleasant surprise. If not, you haven’t invested in a wasted cause.

Wishing you peace through this transitional period in your life. Transitioning is always difficult but often it will lead you in the right direction.
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