I am really not asking a question but just wanted to let you know that if you’re in this situation, you are NOT alone.
My brother, a tragic alcoholic, lives in Florida and has not been home to see our elderly father since 2012, the year our mother died. He calls home regularly to tell our father how sick HE is and used to ask for money until he figured out I had POA and that would be no. He’s borrowed money from relatives which has never been paid back but was used to take his almost 80 year old girlfriend on a cruise. Twice. Enough about him.
And then we have my live-in boyfriend of 7 years (we do not live with my father) who moved in when his home was going to lose his home due to foreclosure (he was upside down on his house during the recession) and lost his job. He has since turned things around and has become very successful. I have supported each of his endevours, some that came to no fruition but others that have...all due to his hard work, creativity and persistence.
His parents are just now starting to have health problems. He has two loving siblings who live nearby and are supportive.
Though I am lucky enough to have almost around the clock sitters for my dad, for the rest I am his everything....yard boy, financial consultant, healthcare advocate, chauffeur, grocery shopper, bill payer, etc. I have no help at all from anyone.
During the holiday seasons, the sitters enjoy the time with their families and I step up and take over. And my hell starts. I am accused by my boyfriend of “abandoning” him because I can’t attend all his family’s events. I am accused of running off and leaving him stuck with the house (I travel for work, sometimes extensively. Sometime I may not have to travel for months. Today just to prove his point I called him with my father to tell him Merry Christmas and he refused to answer the phone. I texted him and did get a 5 word response “Tell your dad Merry Christmas”. He’s off to his uncles house and furious I can’t attend.
So if you, too, are in this situation, you are not alone. I live with the constant feeling of incompleteness and disappointment. But I will continue to do what I need to do for my 96 year old father.
What about you? How do you fair in this life of caregiving?