Follow
Share

I don't think I have posted before but I read everyday and the help for my peace of mind has been awesome.


My mom lives with us. She is 92 and has dementia, cancer and heart failure. After 3 1/2 years she is moving to an Adult Family Home. It suddenly became necessary for our health. My husband has been awesome in helping but he had back surgery and can not lift anything. Mom is getting more unsteady and feeble. Plus the arguments over pills and such.


So after much soul searching we decided on the move.


The place is nice and fairly close. We can visit a couple times a week or more. However we will be able to get our life back. Didn't want to do this but I realized I was more unhappy than I needed to be.


Yes the guilt is there but the relief that she will be well taken care of is a welcomed change. Or place just isn't safe for her anymore without major reconstruction.


So on to straightening out her paperwork and talking with the Elder Lawyer. Mom will be happier without me around all the time and others besides us to talk to.


Thank you so much everyone.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.

8 Comments

Newest
First Oldest
First
I hope you find comfort in going to visit and being a wonderful advocate, rather than the main caregiver. When her new caregivers hear you talk with her or see a family photo album with photos labeled, they will get to know your mom better.
Good luck to you and take care of yourself and husband.
(1)
Report
You're welcome. 
I am at the same stage with my aunt.
(1)
Report
Sunnygirl1, thanks, i am learning how to be me again. Mom did the transition easily. She cries when she sees me and wants to go home. Normal reaction, she wanted to go home when she lived with us.

Lots of activity there. She doesn't remember who I am thinks I am the person who used to take care of her. Thinks my husband is her daddy. All ok. She is fine when we are not there.
(2)
Report
That's great news about the plans for your mother. I hope there is a smooth transition and that you'll get a chance to get some much needed rest and recovery for yourself.
(4)
Report
Thank you all for your kind words. Finally found my post. Not sure why it posted as anonymous as I was loggin.

My guilt is finally gone however I do miss my mom we all do. I have been able to visit her just 2 times. We had a horrible snow storm that has gone on for over 9 days. Yes I live just outside Seattle. Stupid snow. Just glad mom is in her new place now instead of here. There is no way if she got hurt EMTs could get here.

Once again a giant thank you for just being here and I was able to keep my sanity.
(3)
Report
May she settle in happily and all your guilt prove to be groundless :) Best wishes to your husband for a quick recovery.
(5)
Report
So glad for you. So very glad.

NO GUILT is necessary. Your mother is looked after. You and your husband get your lives back. Win win for everyone.

Time to take care of your health. And enjoy your time free of caregiving.
(4)
Report
Your Welcome. Glad the transition is going smoothly. The one fear I had with Mom living here that we would miss the window where we had time to do things together. It was a 24/7 job. I was able to place her in a nice AL and eventually a nice NH. Having a split level didn't help with a person who couldn't do stairs.
(4)
Report
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter