Hello everone,
Sad news. My 101 year old mother died unexpectedly Friday evening, 10/16/20. I am all alone with no family here. Tomorrow (well today I guess already Saturday) I have to go to the funeral parlor to make arrangements all alone.
I had just helped her to go to the bathroom. She was walking back holding onto her wheel chair and started to shake violently. She collapsed into the wheel chair. I dialed 911. She was not breathing so I pounded her chest with my fist twice. She started breathing. Took about 20 minutes for ambulance to arrive, 15 minutes before they left the house with her, 20 minutes to the nearest hospital. I rode in the ambulance and half way to the hospital they put the siren and lights on, I knew then she most likely would not be coming back home. I prayed her favorite prayer, The Hail Mary, the entire trip for her. At the ER a doctor stopped me to take me to a waiting room but then another doctor came from the room she was in and they took me right to her. She was dying. There were about 10 hospital staff in there ready to try and save her but I said no. She does not want any such attempts. They quietly and quickly backed right out of the room but one nurse stayed with me. I called my sister and held my phone to mom's ear so she could say goodbye. Did the same for her 1 granddaughter and 1 grandson. The nurse said she could still hear. I hoped she could die peacefully at home but guess that was not meant to be. The day before she died, she said to me "Susan, you can go on your own now. You can do it." I asked her if she wanted me to move out and quit taking care of her. She said "no but you can go on your own now." I guess she knew her time was near. A priest came and gave her the last rights and stayed with me until my good neighbors came to take me back home. So my caregiving days are over now. But I would give anything if they were not. May my sweet little mother find eternal peace with all the loved ones she missed so much that have passed before her.
Thanks to everyone that answered my questions on here. You were all so helpful. Very much appreciated. My heart is aching and broken. She was my very best friend my entire life. I still have my little dog though. He is a comfort more than ever now. My sister, well, she hung up on me mad. Guess some things never change even when a loved one dies. She will not becoming when Mom's remained are interred at the cemetery. That hurts but nothing new from her. Now I do go on my own. Mom's they even give us words to remember and get us through a tough time like this.
"Susan, you can go on your own now. You can do it." I will do my best to honor her wish.
I am very sorry for your loss. Grief is a hard and lonely journey. Time will help, and I hope you are gentle and easy with yourself during this difficult time.
Sending you a warm hug.
May God bless you and keep you in the days, weeks and months to come.
You already have an excellent concept of your relationship and the interaction; I hope you hold these concepts in your heart for the rest of your own life, and be nurtured by the wonderful relationship you had with her.
You have my sincere condolences, but also my admiration for the poignant thoughts of your last moments.
This is so heartfelt I am crying and my niece is crying as I am reading aloud your post on your dear mother. My heart truly goes out to you. I am going to light a candle and say a special prayer for you. How wonderful your mother passed with you present. You made the right decision and now your dear mother is at peace. You will always have those special memories and your mother was blessed to have you caring for her. She know it was her time and she tried to prepare you as best she could. Hang on to your sweet and precious memories in your heart. Please stay on this Forum so you will receive and give some good support from the wonderful caregivers on this site. Your mother is no longer struggling and at peace. My mother is my very best and dearest friend as well and when she passes it will be most difficult but in my belief I know I will be reunited with her in a better place. My thought in prayers are with you during this difficult time. Sending you a big hug.
it would become part of us, and we could take it with us, forever.
Everything is on its way to somewhere. Everything." ~ film; Phenomena
"Nothing in life will call upon us to be more courageous than facing the fact that it ends. But on the other side of heartbreak is wisdom."
~ film; I Wish I Was Here
Wishing you comfort from loving memories and the strength that comes with wisdom.
My heart is heavy for you right now and I'm so sorry you have lost your dear mother and best friend unexpectedly. It was so hard for me to read what all you went through and how scared you must have felt.
You did everything you possibly could in those last moments. I'm so glad you were with her in the ambulance and I'm glad the second doctor led you into her room to be by her side. I'm so sorry that your sister was not able to put her own bad feelings aside but like you, I learned that things do not change in those types of situations even when a loved one dies - it's a hard thing to accept. But, you took the high road and gave her an opportunity to say goodbye along with her granddaughter and grandson.
Our pets can be a huge source of comfort especially if our actual family isn't. Your little dog will sense your sorrow and be by your side.
God bless you, keep you in His care and comfort you as you mourn the loss of your mom and begin the journey of grieving. You will be in my thoughts and prayers - that God will give you strength to begin the planning process for your mom's interment. A big hug to you and for taking care of your mom.
Again, thank you every one! Much appreciated!
I was so glad to read about the funeral director being the grandson of the director of your maternal grandfather's funeral and the son of the funeral director who did your maternal grandmother's funeral - He treated you with such kindness and made every decision so easy for you to make - what a blessing as I know making those arrangements so quickly after losing a loved one can be overwhelming. And now, your only nephew who is a Baptist minister will be coming to do the graveside service - I believe God is already showing you His provisions for you with how things are coming together.
You are handling the family issues with great maturity and kindness.
The prayers are very comforting. I had a priest called for me a few times in my life. It meant a lot to have someone pray with and for me during a life threatening situation.
When my brother was in the end of life hospice facility I called for our family priest to come over. It helps.
May your mom Rest In Peace. I know that your mom wants nothing more than for you to know that it was her time to be with the Lord. She would want you to be at peace.
May God give you strength and grieving mercies during this difficult time.
She was right, you can do it! You have the love and strength that she gave to you all the days of your life and you will be okay because she will always be with you.
Great big warm hug!
Your Mother told you can go on your own now - but you will always have memories of her that stay with you.