I'm not the typical "New Year's Resolutions" kind of person. I kind of go through life trying to roll with the punches and trying (unsuccessfully) to make other people's lives better.
A long year with too much giving, both emotional and monetary—to too many people, and a blowout with my MIL have left me reeling this holiday season.
Lost a good friend over my being blind to her ability to use people and then discard them when they no longer serve a purpose. Lost $4000 on trying to help her, financially, b/c she needed help paying for storage/moving pods. For 3 months, I was there EVERY SINGLE day for 6-10 hrs, cleaning and packing.....and in the end, I come home from a short trip to the PNW and find out she's not moving. She unpacks the pods and of course, she's still CHARGED for them...and no sale of her home with which to pay me back.
And she's mad at ME.
MIL thing is simply 43 years of ongoing hatred on her part. DH has begged me on his knees to PLEASE go with him to visit her, he hates going to see her alone--last visit she was so unbelievably mean to me--right in front of DH (who is quite deaf, and clueless)..when she realized he wasn't going to say a word in my defense, she doubled down and dragged some garbage up from 30-35 years ago--finally I just stood up and asked DH to please unlock the car. I went out and sat in it and waited for him.
About 10 minutes he comes out and says "I hate taking you to visit mom, it's like sitting on a powderkeg". Well, I didn't WANT to go, I was stuck in the middle of errand running.
All I did was look at him and say "Listen to me: I am NEVER and I mean NEVER make and attempt to see your mother again in my life. If you had been listening you would UNDERSTAND". Oh he had been listening and just was so glad she wasn't ragging on him, he just let her go.
My therapist said that my going to MIL's with hubby is like being cannon fodder--or the first line of defense. She shoots me b/c she can.
And oh yes, my gosh, it IS VERY personal.
I don't have time or energy for people who suck the life out of me.
And I will continue to be kind and loving to everyone--but there's a limit. I cannot handle the anger that comes from the toxic folk--we all have them i our lives. I'm just not going to be so all encompassingly "nice" anymore.
It will be a challenge, but I know I can do it. And do it w/o making myself feel guilty.
Anybody else out there feeling they've given about 10xs too much this year--and years' previous??
Putting this in "burnout" b/c I think this is what it is.