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Hello all, I joined this group today after being prompted from a google search about symptoms. Since 2020 began, me, my sister, and my mother have all noticed alarming behavior from my father that seemed to have escalated during the nationwide shutdown. He is 75, been retired for about 5 years from work. I live at home with my parents now for about 6 years after some financial problems. From slight forgetfullness to change in eating habits, we didn't think too much about it at first and thought it was just age catching up. Lately, we have noticed drastic behavior as in constantly cleaning/wiping areas repeatedly, trouble remembering basic words, wandering at night. In fact, one weekend - me and my mother basically stayed up all night because he cleaned the kitchen, took out the trash, walked back and forth from his room at 2am and 3am in the morning. We didn't know what to do and at first, I thought about calling 911. That particular behavior has only happened once but here is the problem. When we mention these things to him, he refuses to believe that there is anything wrong. He tells us that at 75, he expects to forget and expects to lose a little weight. He had even cancelled a previous physical at the doctor, stating he didn't need it anyway. Has anyone here ever dealt with a stubborn parent or loved one? Someone who refuses to seek medical help? I realize you can't force anyone to go anywhere or submit to any testing. But my fear is that things will get worse and we will have no protections in place, for him or for us.

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Dad needs to be seen by his doctors. The fact that his denial is so severe means that you may be looking at Stage one of dementia, and this needs diagnosis and staging to know how to best treat and care for him. I am hoping that POA papers and wills are all done as you may soon be looking at someone who cannot do these papers. Crucial now is a visit with his MD to tell him what you are seeing. You should be keeping a close diary to take with you. This may be something simple, but what you describe makes me worry that it is not, and he is young yet to have this happening. Someone must now contact the doctor to find out which way to go if Dad refuses treatment and diagnosis. UTIs can cause problems and some of the things you are describing sound a little like OCD; I wonder if there is any mental illness history of OCD or other anxiety disorders.
Important thing now is that there have to be answers. You will need to stick together as a family, and start that diary of everything, time date and action.
A call to the MD is important now. If he refuses to make an appointment your Mom will have to call and ask what steps she can take next.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this, and it makes it doubly difficult when the elder resists treatment and diagnosis.
Hope you will update us, Hillery; welcome to Forum and so sad it has to be under these circumstances.
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Although many drs are doing primarily televisits--MANY are still seeing patients in person.

Dad needs to be seen, blood test taken and a mini-psych eval.

It could be as simple as a UTI or a low level virus. It could be some slippage of memory that can be helped.

Better to know than to wonder and be frustrated.
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I agree with Lea's advice

Sending a warm hug
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Although you say Dad has cancelled a physical in the past, this may work. Call the doctor's office, explain your concerns and ask them to call him in for an appointment. Some excuses that work are , you insurance requires now that you are 75 that you have a physical, we cannot renew your Rx until you come in etc.. Here in BC we are lucky, seniors have to have regular physicals to maintain their driver's license.
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He knows something is wrong & is petrified to find out WHAT is wrong, more than likely. He probably has dementia/Alzheimer's and that's why he's exhibiting OCD behaviors, forgetting words, and most worrisome, wandering around in the middle of the night. Don't be surprised if he tries to leave the house, believing he lives elsewhere or needs to 'go home' which is outside the front door somewhere. THIS is what's so troublesome about dementia/Alzheimer's.......the dangers that can come along with the brain disorder.

What troubles me, frankly, more than anything is the fact that he's losing weight. That can signal cancer or a variety of other issues going on that have nothing to do with dementia. In fact, the reason for his weight loss could be why he's acting odd to begin with! Who knows? It could be something like a UTI that's advanced into his kidneys from going untreated. UTIs notoriously bring mind confusion along with them. My father was hallucinating once when he had a UTI! Do you know if your dad has trouble urinating? I know that's a tough question to ask him......but maybe your mom has noticed something in that department, ask her.

If worse comes to worse and he flat out refuses medical care of any kind, you'll have to wait for something to happen. He falls, for instance, or has blood in his urine or is having a violent rage............then you call 911 and have him shipped off to the ER for evaluation. THEN you can find out exactly what's going on. The ER is usually one-stop-shopping and it has been for my nearly 94 year old mother. It's really crappy that we sometimes have to wait for an emergency to happen before we can get our STUBBORN-AS-MULE parents to ask for and take HELP, isn't it? I swear on a stack of bibles I will NEVER do this to my children.

Wishing you the best of luck getting to the bottom of what's happening with your dad. Sending you a hug and a prayer, too.
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Most Dr's are now doing televisits, so perhaps you can get him to agree with that. You can also, ahead of time, let his Dr. know(through the patient portal) what is all going with him so he(the Dr)can be prepared. I had to use my husbands patient portal all the time before his visits, as his Dr would ask him how he was doing and he would always respond "fine". The Dr. of course knew otherwise. Being stubborn does have it's advantages as we get older. My husbands stubbornness got him through some pretty rough health issues over the years. I actually learned to admire that about him, even though it did drive me crazy at times.
And I would also say that you need to start looking into options for your dad to live, as this will only get worse, and if you and mom aren't equipped to handle him, you will at least have a plan of action ready. Best wishes.
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