New AgingCare website - do you like it?

Truce????

Shell,
So at the same time that you are apologizing for your provocative behavior you continue to engage in more provocative and accusatory behavior? Because that's not transparent at all.

Needhelpwithmom PM me stating that Salutem and someone else (who I will not named was sending her nasty messages). Not just one or two messages but one after the other and because of her heart health she couldn't take the stress anymore so she left. I have received other PM from others stating the same issues. Why did they came to me-I do not know!

I enjoy this forum and learned so much from all of you. But the stress, the uncaring replys, the in consideration for other people's feels is somedays to much. People pretending to be a caretaker and aren't and others feeling they can say what they want without any regards to how the person on the other side might feel is to much!

Something has change on this forum and I am not sure what it is!

I am here looking for answers and to connect with people that are going through the samething or people that have gone through it.

I try my best to post anwsers from my heart and experience and be just a matter-of-fact.

Polarbear, I am not leaving this forum all together:) Thank you for your support. You should message NHWM.

Cwilly, I know I was wrong and thank you for accepting my apologie.

Freqflyer, I agree with you!

Tiger, I also agree with you!

Frazzled I also agree with you as well!

Tacy, I am sorry if I had anything to do with your friend leaving. I wish she would have told me and am sure we could have worked it out.

Send, None of us are prefect. Thank you for your support.

Salutem, I will no longer be posting you my answers or comments to you because I just know me and I can not remain impartial. Sorry!

Cwilly, you are right we all are dealing with so much stress and presure partner up with resentment and pain.

Thank you everybody for your understanding and support.

It would be nice if we could call a truce; I'd be all for that. Not sure it's possible or even likely, but I'd be all for it,

Agree that this site is not 'improved'. I have found several issues, but too tired to go into it.

I honestly believe we have social media to blame. Twitter hasn't help. And, well I need to say this, our U.S. President has set a tone for insulting people who disagree with him. Sadly diplomacy has been thrown out the window :(

In my career I had to use diplomacy in every aspect of my life. A few years back when the Captain went after me for whatever reason, I had to sit on my hands to keep from making comments that wouldn't have been user-friendly.

So many on this forum are under a lot of stress with caregiving, or trying to recover from caregiving. There are still hot buttons that one can push and it is only human to react. And there are difficult topics, such as Hospice, that will bring out the best and worst in people..... [sigh]

Let's all be kind to one another, and help each other if we can. And if we can't, at least don't hurt one another. I imagine everyone here has been through a lot and is in need of support.

I should have written "We ALL need to remember to think before we post", me included - that wasn't directed at you polarbear.

Apologies all around....thanks Shell, that was big of you to apologize, so kudos to you, and all of us.

This thread has become obsolete, and should be archived, imo.

Sorry Polar, but when a thread has become fodder for gossip, it serves no purpose, imo. If the admins decided to delete a post, that proves they are still monitoring this website, and are right there, right now.

Read fast.....my posts are often deleted quickly, lol.



And, the website is no longer new.

Group hug everyone!

NHWM posted:
"NeedHelpWithMom
Posted May 23, 2019
I am going in for more heart tests today. Under stress and I am going to take a break from the forum. Please say prayers."

Hmmm - I read in a deleted post earlier than NHWM left because of some bickering or something of that nature. I do think before I post.

Er, I think NHWM posted that she was taking a break for health reasons, but I agree we certainly don't want to lose anyone due to forum bickering. I know it's easy to get caught up in it but we all need to try to remember that people on the site come from all walks of life and are often under enormous stress - think before you post!

And Shell, thanks for the apology 🤗

Shell- I hope you will not leave this forum. Please don't. I don't want nice people to be chased off of the site like NeedHelpWithMom. I wish I could reach out to her and ask her to come back. Maybe she still lurks in the background. Perhaps, I can post a reply in some of her threads and hope she will read it.

I am sorry Cwillie and to everybody else. I will keep my options to myself. I know better! This forum is meant to support one another and not a playground to bicker and I apologize for my behavior.😞

cwillie
I understand your point. But it has to be acknowledged that there is a clique on here and from the PM's I've received many besides me have been on the receiving end of harsh, judgmental lectures and a clique that gangs up on people and calls them trolls if they object. After that, I decided that wouldn't happen again so I turned on all privacy settings to prevent any further PM's, though I have to say I did hear from many kind and welcoming people. Now I'm finished saying what I needed to get off my chest so I'm done with the matter.

Please just STOP. 🤐

This is exactly the kind of bickering gladimhere was talking about - what, are we 12 years old that we can't just agree to disagree?

correction to my earlier post. I have turned off settings that allow for personal messages. too many nasty, judgmental people who think they have the right to say whatever they want to you. I've gotten a lot of kind pm's too though.

Good point FF, we don't see any contributions from AgingCare any more, even the articles are just recycled with a new date added. I guess that fits with APFM's business model - get your money for nothin'.

cwillie, I know I miss the professionals who use to answer questions on this forum. It seemed like most had stopped contributing after the website was revamped last year :(

I miss Carol Barsack... K. Gabriel Heiser Esq... and Ralph Robbins CFP

Also miss the bloggers such as David Hilfiker... John Schappi... Rick Phelps... Ann Marie Mercera.... and a lady, I think her name was Mivna who was caring for her husband Charlie. I always wonder what is going on in their lives now.

I was a little taken aback when I realized A Place For Mom were not just sponsors but actually owned the site, I don't know when that took place. At least their "experts" have stopped recommending the service on threads - it could be because people jump all over them when they do.
As for the nastiness on the site - it seems to have calmed down a little bit lately. I'm always especially dismayed when those who have been on the site a long time join in or even instigated it, they should know better. And complaints to the administrators are sometimes ignored.

I am sick of the tone many threads and posters have taken on this site. What happened? It did not used to be like this. We have never known if posters are real or a figment of their own imagination. It could even be longtimers or even administrators that are stirring up the community. This evolution to nastiness seems to be recent. When did A Place For Mom purchase this site? Maybe the attacks and nastiness is a recent evolution to what this site is to be?

I am starting to evaluate whether this site holds any validity for me any longer. The nastiness I am seeing is unbelievable. People can't seem to ignore ugliness, instead they follow the knee jerk reaction, respond in defense, and make a bad situation worse. Don't need the negativity in my life.

DeeAnna, I also agree with Polarbear. Please keep contributing to the forum :)

When it comes to the written word, we are not seeing facial expressions, thus cannot judge the mood of a posting. Some will read a post seeing helpful information, someone else will read it seeing it as being unfriendly. I remember when I first came on the forum, I was oversensitive due to the stress. One post I thought was down right rude, but I didn't say anything. After a while, that writer was so right with that posting, I just couldn't see the forest for the trees.

I learned my way around a public forum decades ago when I was debating politics. Now, that is where one is thrown into the deep end of the pool, and sometimes walking on hot coals. It was quite a learning experience. Eventually I learned to just think "whatever" and move on to the next debate :)

DeeAnna - I don't see too many posts from you because I don't follow too many treads, but of the ones I read, they are helpful and meaningful to the conversations. Please stay and contribute where you think appropriate. Just thought I let you know.

I think that anyone who is savvy enough to use public forums should also be savvy enough to understand that we have to take the good with the bad. All of us have people we like and loathe, it's probably better to avoid the places where those we dislike hang out. If a post is offensive report it. If a PM is offensive report that too, and then delete it. There is always the option to stop following any thread, that way it will stop coming up in your news feed. And if a thread or a particular person has gone off the rails use the "contact us" option to communicate your concerns directly to the administrators.

We recently had a member who said that she had to take a break because someone was sending her nasty PMs (Personal Messages).  We have some of our posters apologizing for posting or venting their feelings. 

I have been told (via PMs that mention no dates or details) that the way I answered some questions in the past that I am the cause of a couple of people leaving the forum. So I have become "gun-shy" about answering any question and often wonder if what I am writing will be taken wrong AGAIN. 🙍

Over the past year, I have become more and more careful which questions I post on and many times my answers are referrals to some websites that are related to the original poster's topic.  I have never posted a question to the Forum as I am so afraid of the negative feedback that I might receive.

So I read the postings and when I feel that I can truly contribute to the original poster's question, then I post an answer.

I have also noticed that some health care businesses have posted as individuals on some of the questions and I do not think that is appropriate.

SIGH!  🙍

This website is beginning to draw a closer parallel to facebook. It gets nasty sometimes. I no longer read and/or respond to personal messages or bother to look at what anyone might have 'posted on my wall,' whatever that is. I also avoid any forum category that is suggestive of interpersonal communication not specifically related to a question asked. No desire to connect interpersonally on any kind of intimate level. So, no I don't like the format, if that makes me a Troll, then so be it; draw up my Troll confession papers and I'll sign them

Hi LaurenJohn, I checked your profile and as far as I can see this is the only post you have made, if you want advice from the community all you need to do is ask a question!

As for someone forgetting a temper tantrum - that's what dementia is. People with dementia can often feel lost and out of control and may lash out in anger, fear or other disruptive ways.

BTW, AgingCare has hundreds of articles full of information about many topics, you can find them by selecting "care topics" from the banner at the top of the page.

LaurenJohn, have you tried starting a new thread? If you click on the three horizontal bars to the left of the AgingCare logo in the blue menu bar above, you'll see "Ask A Question" and it'll guide you through what to do.

I see on your profile that your stepfather, out of the blue, had an angry outburst directed at his wife and now doesn't remember that it happened; but if she has told you what happened and you can describe it to us, we'll have a better chance of making helpful suggestions.

Sorry you've been searching in vain so far - very annoying.

I'm hating it because I'm only hearing problems of caregivers. I'm getting no answers to why an elderly relative exhibited extreme anger and then completely forgot it

cwillie, I noticed that, too. I like to use the "Care Topics" in the upper right corner to find subjects, but I couldn't find the Abbreviations which if located there would be soooo very helpful :)