I live next door to an elderly couple, the wife as medical problems which prevent her walking well and she is occassionally dizzy and falls but otherwise can organise.
I called round today while her husband was out for a chat to find out how she is coping with her husbands Dementia. My husband takes her husabnd out on a Sunday to the bowling club, he can no longer bowl but it gives our neighbour some quiet time and he seems to enjoy it.
He no longer knows who my husband is and we have lived next door for almost 10 years.
I found out that the Dementia as moved on very quickly since January (we have been away for 10 weeks only recently arrive back in the UK).
She can no longer have a conversation with him and he cannot understand instructions.
He can no longer garden which he used to love or wash a pot. Spends most of the day walking around the home taking things out of draws and cupboards. Sits in from of the TV without the TV being on.
They are in their 80s and she tells me the GP said there is nothing that can be done for his type of Dementia but she is clearly suffering terribly from stress and needs someone to take him at least to a day care centre some days of the week. She goes into the bedroom and screams when it all gets too much for her.
I have said she should phone the GP surgery and ask for a phone conversation to discuss this all with the GP and find out if anything can be done to help.
We go away quite often so are not always here, they do not have any children or family at hand to help.
What can I do to help this couple.

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Jeanie, do you know if your neighbor would ever consider putting her hubby into a senior living center to resident full time? I have found if there is a couple, usually one spouse want to move to an elder safe environment, and the other spouse won't budge.

That's very kind of you to offer her support and information. I certainly hope she will take it. It sounds like she will know that it is coming from a place of concern and care. I would observe what she does with it and see if she is taking steps at least for the future. If her health goes and she ends up in the hospital, then what would happen to her husband. It sounds like he is not able to function alone even now.

Thank you for your prompt reply.
I decided to ring Age UK after placing the message and they have given me the Alzeimers Society/Dementia telephone number and our local Age UK number which I will ring tomorrow first thing.
I will ask for all the information to be sent to me and pass it on hoping she can make the calls and sort something out to save her sanity.
I can't leave my lovely neighbour struggling on her own. They do not have any children or family they can turn too.

I think my decision about what I would do would be determined by whether I think that Wife is still competent. Is she fully appreciating the severity of the situation and looking out for her husband's welfare? With her own medical and mobility issues, it sounds like they both are in a risky living situation that will only get more severe as Husband's dementia progresses.

Granted, some things are none of our business as a neighbor, but other things are, such as the safety of the helpless, animals, children and the elderly. I'm pretty direct, so I think I might just provide her with some names, phone numbers and suggestions for getting help. If she refused or failed to get some, then I might have to make some calls myself to get some other people involved.

Do you know if they have adult children who are trying to get them to seek help? It's often the case that the senior is just in denial and will not allow outside help.

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