This thread may get taken down; if so, so be it, but, without being too wordy, they suck.
I feel for anyone who needs the services of one . There is a reason they have been compared to being a prison. With only subtle differences, they are.
NHs "think" for you, be it when medication is dispensed to when food is served.
They need a resident to move from one room to another, done; all that is needed is follow the state laws regarding this making sure to look for loopholes (if time permits being a good one).
This is just one example. Those who say they make friends activities, etc. Of course that could happen, since many residents will spend the rest of their lives in one. One learns to "adjust" the same as prisoners who have been given a long prison sentence.
In conclusion again, NH.s SUCK!!
You know how I feel. Some NH’s are good and others need improvement. Document what things aren’t going well and ask for changes. I know that you have discussed certain concerns about your diet with them.
I know that I asked you if you could move to another NH and I believe you said that wasn’t possible for you.
I also asked if you had anyone in your family that could be an advocate and you said that you have a sibling that doesn’t live near you.
I do think it’s important to have someone who can be an advocate. It’s certainly harder to go through difficulties when you are alone.
I wish that I could be of more help. You have just as much of a right to express your grievances and opinions as anyone else on this forum.
The main thing that people get bothered by, is that you cannot assume that the majority of NH’s are bad.
Plus, I am sure that you realize that sometimes a NH is their only option and it may very well be their best option. Not all care by at home caregivers is the best choice either.
I wish you well and I hope life gets better for you.
I hope you get out soon!
Also where my mom lives, NHs are awful. I know that good ones exist in the world, but not where my mom is.
Also, my mom has the money for in-home care, so I made sure she can stay home. My mom knows that in the future, there are sometimes circumstances where one must go to NH. She’s aware and willing.
:)
I understand that some nursing homes are not nice, but the bottom line is that there is a reason you are there.
My step-mother is in MC, where she needs to be, someone has to do the thinking for her, as she can no longer reason and she is a runner to boot.
My mother is 98 and in AL, she has her brain intact, distributes her own meds, basically does as she pleases. She is there because of mobility issues and she is afraid to be alone at night.
Neither are in prison, both are in a nice facility, expensive but nice.
IDK what your story is, but every circumstance is different, no two stories are alike, and if the government is in involved that is a game changer.
Fortunately, both my mother & step-mother properly planned for the inevitable, no Medicaid involved, self pay.
All your negativity helps no one including you. I am sorry that you do not have anyone to advocate for you, my brother and I advocate for our ladies.
I wish you the best.
That is why I call nursing homes warehouses for the elderly. It is basically a place to wait to die for most.
But what can you do if you are basically bed bound, with no money to hire in home care, and a host of other health issues? It's as complicated an issue as the human mind is. What with selfish seniors, stubborn seniors, mean seniors and more.
People like to talk about elders like they are some special group of people that deserve automatic respect and reverence when the reality is old people are just old. Most don't suddenly become wise like Yoda or Confucius.
Most are the same person they always were just with wrinkles and failing bodies and minds.
Sure there are a small percentage of old people that have something to offer young people in regards to wisdom about life, and different skill sets but these seniors are as elusive as the fabled unicorn.
To me the idea of residents forming wonderful friendships and living quality lives is bizarre, according to The Canadian Institute for Health Information in 2015/16
"Within long-term care homes, 69% of residents had dementia in 2015–2016. The proportion of those having any form of cognitive impairment (including dementia and other conditions such as stroke or trauma) was 87%.
The population in long-term care has changed rapidly over the past 5 years to be the population with moderate to severe dementia. What we know now is that if you are in long-term care, you have cognitive impairment,” said Cooper.It can be quite challenging to provide care for residents with dementia in long-term care homes. In addition to severe cognitive impairment (40% of residents), 50% had responsive behaviours, 31% had signs of depression and 82% required extensive assistance or were dependent for activities of daily living."
https://www.cihi.ca/en/dementia-in-canada/dementia-care-across-the-health-system/dementia-in-long-term-care
Yes, a good home will do their best to give people living there as high as quality of life as possible, but I can't help but think God help the small percentage whose needs are purely physical and unrelenting (as yours obviously must be Cover).
Cover isn’t against NH: in fact Cover unfortunately needs to be there right now.
Cover’s point is to warn us of the reality of many NHs (there are always exceptions), what they’re like…
Make better quality NHs. AND stricter laws about quality. Also, stricter laws about minimum number of staff (in other words, more staff).
When laws impose high fines, suddenly NHs will improve their quality 1,000,000%.
Before I was living with the situation I currently am in I would have been horrified by the thought of placing either of my parents in a NH.
We kept my parents at home arrangement going for years. Got help in, did everything that needed to be done. My siblings and I really tried. We hoped that they would just go in their sleep. Bu reality finally set in when my father declined so quickly last year and we had to call EMS in the mornings to help the aide get my father out of bed. That’s when I realized the current situation simply was not sustainable and that we were no longer able to care for him at home properly.
I do not feel guilty about this in the least. I only feel bad that he is lingering so long in this condition and placing him there was what needed to be done,
Yes it is institutional living. Yes there are rules and times that things are done. There are pros and cons to everything in life. It is not perfect but this is how it has to be for my family.
People are going to age and unfortunately many of those people are going to reach a point where they have a high level of needs, the only way I can see finding any solution is if we stop sugar coating the appalling truth about life in LTC. In my experience people not in the system just don't get it.
Those dependent on social services basically have no option but to be housed and generally have no say.
Somehow, the root is generic, no planning for those "Later Years", today it is essential, as we are all living longer, in some cases too long kept alive by artificial means, again back to "Money" everyone gets rich except the patient.
I am 76, totally independent, President of a 501c3 private charity dedicated to helping our seniors in need, I also serve on another large corporate board as the Chairman, and finally a HOA.
So yes, there are still some of us "Elders" that contribute to society, I think the # is larger than you know.
But also:
Cover isn’t against NH. In fact, Cover needs to be there right now. Cover is just warning what it’s really like (there are always exceptions), for many people.
Anything run by the government is not going to be pretty. That's the truth and if only Ventings solution could be a reality but it won't be. The money these places charge most goes to the top and the ones doing the work get the lowest amount of money.
It won’t happen soon. I hope one day…
Sounds a bit like elementary school.
In my mom's NH, she was able to decide her own rising and going to bed times, say whether she wanted showers or baths and when she wanted her nighttime sleeping pill.
She was able to say yes or no to activities, visits from the therapy dog, priest, exercise and cocktail parties.
I think part of your issue may be that you are in rehab in a NH. If you need rehab again, if there is a choice, you might look into places that specialize in short term rehab, which are either free-standing or part of ALs
Wishing you good health and strength!
My aunt was "cared for" in the utopia of her daughter's home for 5 years. The time it took for the Medicaid look back period to expire, after mom sold her home and gave the $$$ to daughter. She was left in bed upstairs for the majority of the time since she was wheelchair bound. Dh and i were called one day to come say our goodbyes, my cousin said her mom was dying. We went over....my aunt looked awful and was semi comatose. We cried and said our goodbyes.
Shortly after, my cousin decided to place her mom in a nearby Skilled Nursing care facility with Medicaid which was approved. My aunt flourished there bc she was gotten up every day, dressed, put into her wheelchair, brought to the dining room to eat meals, to the activities room to socialize, bathed, medicated, etc. She went on to live another FIVE YEARS.
All nursing homes don't deserve the horrible rap you give them. And certainly not the vast majority of ALs we should all be so lucky to afford in old age. If your temporary rehab SNF is so dreadful, just check out and go to PT outpatient. You would not be the first person on earth to choose that option.
I am glad that you reached out to the forum for support. Everyone needs support during certain times in their lives.
I don’t feel like you are trying to be malicious in any way with your negative attitude towards nursing homes.
I can see that you have struggled in your own journey and want others to know that there is a flip side to everything.
You have a right to play devil’s advocate when you are frustrated. Just be aware that others have had good experiences that they also have a right to share.
I have seen a mix of good and bad things in nursing homes. I appreciate the fact that you wish others to see a realistic view of all situations.
I am glad that posters have shown empathy to you while you are going through this challenging time in your life.
As I said in my earlier post, I truly hope that things will improve for you soon. Everyone deserves respect and good care.
Best wishes to you, Cover.
I do hope that you are encouraged by the support that has been offered to you. I am glad to see that your concerns have been acknowledged by others here on the forum.
I do feel that you have a tough situation because you are going through this struggle alone.
It’s much easier for people who are in nursing homes, assisted living or memory care facilities that have family members visiting them and are also serving as an advocate for them.
I would see if you can speak to someone at your nursing home about all of your concerns, not just your physical needs but also your emotional needs.
Are you close with your sibling that lives far away? Would it help if you were able to speak with them on the phone from time to time? Is there a social worker on staff where you are that you would be interested in speaking to about your experiences? Or perhaps a pastor or deacon?
I commend you for sharing how you feel with this forum. Don’t isolate yourself from others if you need help. I realize that it’s easy to give up on people if you don’t feel as if you’re receiving any support.
Keep talking, but try not to be overly defensive or aggressive. Take a step back and allow people to move towards you. People naturally want to step away from people who move forward aggressively.
Hopefully, you will not be judged and others will be willing to meet you wherever you are, however you feel about life in general. Take as much time as you need to sort things out. Change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s one step at the time, one day at a time.
Be willing to listen to what others have to say. You don’t have to agree with everyone about everything. That’s impossible but try to keep an open mind.
To clarify things, I'm not totally against NHs ( or AL or ILs either), just the way many are run and even the "assuming" all residents can think and/or do for themselves.
With regard to the NH ( It's being referred to in some instances as a NH as well as/or in spite of a Healthcare Center.
Regardless, there is tension to forming not only with the residents, but some staff as well. I went out for a medical appointment and actually preferred the hospital to the facility; that's how bad it's slowly becoming. They're trying to attract patients from nearby hospitals to consider them for their healthcare needs.
Seriously, PT and OT and a few nurses have made the stay here more tolerable. Still, I hated leaving my old room for a shared room, since I had become used to it since comings here 3 months ago. The floor I am on is most depressing, and as I am writing this a lady across from me keeps crying "Help help". It really is time to leave this place and I'm going to do all I can to make that happen!!
Again a big THANK YOU and BLESS YOU to all who have responded. ( Good or Bad:). You all are the Best.
Thank you so much!! I will. You as well🙂
@MD1748. So it's pretty common? Lol. Seriously it was only one resident doing it, now another resident has started doing it.
It probably was different then, but sadly not now. There is one "yeller" in rehab; a guy who doesn't want to do it and let his feelings known. Thankfully, I happened to have earbuds to sort of drown out the noise and listen to music, watch videos on the phone, etc. Quiet area(s)? Ironically, one is where they have a dining area that was used, but not now, before COVID.
@AndSoItGoes
Thank you. Me too 🙂. I agree, it would be nice if there would be more insider accounts being in one of these places.
I can definitely tell you, Weekends are the worst, especially if you don't get out for a few hours.
It's understandable now, why so many NHs have Administrative offices near the entrance and/ or away from resident's rooms so they can do their shift, and head for the door when they're done. They have a choice to interact with residents or not.
I heard the, “Help!” cries every time I went to see my mom in rehab at her nursing home.
Her OT and PT team were great, which is why I chose that place.
The atmosphere could be a bit depressing at times though. I did my best to make their lives a bit brighter. I brought treats for many of the residents. It was nice to see them smile.
Mom worked so hard to improve and she did. Sometimes, I wish though that I had selected a nice assisted living facility for her to do her rehab in.
Mom’s roommate was a sweetheart, sadly she wasn’t able to be helped by rehab and went to live with the permanent residents in the facility. Mom then had the room to herself. I think she missed the company of her roommate.
I would walk in to visit mom and I would chat with her roommate too. They had their televisions blasting because neither of them could hear a damn thing! LOL 😆
Maybe medications, but some hospitals patients can eat when they want. The hours are say 6:30 to 7 pm, the patient (or nurse, aid) calls the Nutrition Dept to place their order, food is served 45 mins to an 1 hour, the only hours restriction is the time to order and still get breakfast.
As an added bonus a menu is provided to every patient. This works well for the hospital, why can't it be the same for a NH?
Lol that is funny, the TV blasting😄. It was sweet of you to brighten the lives of some of the other residents.
The cries for Help, yes it is kind of sad but it is what it is. They're mostly ignored until the aid can get to the women. The one lady is kind of funny when she is in her wheelchair and wants to go to bed. She tells the nurse "come" with hand gestures as well.
Exactly atmosphere is depressing. You know it's bad when even some of the workers can't wait until their day is done.
It's great your mom put in the hard work to get better and had wonderful PT and OT to boot. It is nice also, she had a roommate she got along with and actually missed when she was moved.
I guess her experience there though not great wasn't too bad?
Overall, mom’s experience was good. There was one major incident that I had to raise hell about. An LPN decided to double dose mom, so she wouldn’t have to return back to her room later on to give her the next dosage.
I get that the they were under staffed, but the nurse shouldn’t have given my mom a double dose of her Parkinson’s meds.
I reported it as soon as my mother told me about it and I was pleased with how the DON handled the situation. He removed this LPN from mom’s care and wrote her up.
I shudder to think about how my mom would have fared if she hadn’t had a family member to help. I could not let this incident slide. I don’t knit pick about small issues but if something is serious, I speak up.
Mom was one who went along with authority figures. She saw this nurse as an authority figure. Yet, she was uncomfortable taking a double dose, so she asked her nurse if it would harm her.
The nurse told mom that a double dose wouldn’t hurt her. I was not happy with her making a blanket statement about meds. Everyone reacts differently to meds.
Mom wasn’t totally convinced that the double dose wouldn’t harm her but she did as she was told by this particular nurse.
Mom was concerned that she would be mistreated by her nurse if she didn’t listen. She was even afraid of me reporting her. I reassured mom that I would handle it.
I’m so glad that mom told me what happened. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have known. The nurse admitted that she was double dosing people when they were shorthanded.
Let me say, that I have the utmost respect for the staff but I will not tolerate when someone isn’t doing their job properly.
I called mom’s pharmacist and told her what happened. She told me to report the incident because she said that she was probably doing the same thing to other residents and placing them in harm’s way by not administering medication as she was supposed to be doing.
The pharmacist said that mom would be okay if she only overdosed her once but if it continued there would be problems.
It definitely helps for people in facilities to have advocates and if they don’t they have to advocate for themselves. Hang in there, Cover!