My mother-in-law is destroying our lives.

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My mother-in-law is destroying our lives.

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My wife is too attached to her mother.

My wife and I have been married for 1 year now and have one beautiful son together. We are a happy family when my MIL is not in the picture. My problem is that she's ALWAYS in the picture.
My MIL lives at a convenient distance from us. Not too close, yet not far enough.but she stays at our home every time she shows up (2days as minimum)
I understand that she needs time to be with her mother and That's why I don't complain about not seeing and talking my wife at times my MIL is around
my MIL and FIL live together for over 26 years however my FIL is complaining sometimes about his life with her in between my FIL is such harmless person I truly respect him, what it really hurts me is that the women in this family were all trained from birth that mother knows best and that mother is the only thing that matters in this world.
My MIL thinks that I, as a 30 years old man don’t know shit and she is the only one knows everything and she is always right,

Excuse my French, but that's bull $h!t. I agree that mothers are certainly very important in our lives, but they are not EVERYTHING in our lives. I love my mother more than most things in this world. However, I'm married now. I can't shove my wife's and kid needs aside in order to make my mother happy.

I don't want my MIL to be in the picture while I so desperately try to enjoy QUALITY time with my family.

This lady craves more attention than a 6 month old child. She's constantly complaining about being tired about how much she is helping us and etc. Let me add that she's only 51 years old. It's sickening to me how my wife falls for her manipulation.

I've spoken to my wife on a number of occasions and she always changes for a while. Then of course the MIL always manages to make my wife feel guilty. I love my wife so much but I cant take this situation any longer, my wife is so attached to her mother and her mother knows everything about our lives even she asks my wife how is our sex life can you imagine? I can't take this situation any longer and even though I love my wife so much but I feel I cant pretend to be happy anymore, im puzzled ,im so tired I don’t know what is the right thing to do 

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C Countrymouse Dec 2016 · Answer 1 · 2016-12-07T03:31:25.000-0500

Yes, that's exactly what I mean.

I described what I suspect your mother in law's view is. I also said it was based on prejudice and ignorance.

And immediately you come back and accuse me of sharing her prejudices and ignorance?

I learned not to confuse Arabic and Persian culture when I was eight, thanks, from my school friends. But I wish you good luck all the same.

N Noor75 Dec 2016 · Answer 2 · 2016-12-07T06:53:03.000-0500

Good luck to you. Your MIL sounds as if her issues are less about prejudice than they are about whatever mental/emotional issues she may have. There is NO excuse for her rude, overbearing behavior - prejudice of not. Sounds as if she is out to destroy your marriage. Focus on your wife and getting HER more on your "team" because you two ARE a team that MIL seems intent on busting up. It amazes me how some (many) MILS (especially when Grandmothers, ugh!) feel that they are part of the marriage - and how so many daughters go right along with it. She is NOT! She is a guest in your home AND your life. You and your wife need therapy NOW so your wife can start to cut the apron strings and learn how to set boundaries and focus on YOU and your little family, NOT pleasing her mother. MIL sounds like a sick woman. Best of luck to you.

F fmylife Dec 2016 · Answer 3 · 2016-12-07T17:30:09.000-0500

guys thank you so much for being there with me, last few days i was so depressed however i feel much better now, we had a serious talk and she promised to change , also my friend talk to her, lets see what will happen again thank you thank you guys your messages made me so relax i feel much better
god bless you all

B BarbBrooklyn Dec 2016 · Answer 4 · 2016-12-07T17:31:41.000-0500

FM, let us know what happens!

F fmylife Dec 2016 · Answer 5 · 2016-12-08T15:55:01.000-0500

hi again, my MIL is forcing us to give our newborn baby to her to sleep with her in another room, i didnt feel that i should give her ,is than okay ? if you had a newborn baby would you give him to your MIL? ( MY SON IS ONLY 21 DAYS OLD )

B BarbBrooklyn Dec 2016 · Answer 6 · 2016-12-08T16:20:08.000-0500

No. I would certainly not.

N notrydoyoda Dec 2016 · Answer 7 · 2016-12-08T17:10:31.000-0500

I would not, but I would think of forcing her out of the house. She cannot force you two to do this with your child, but you two can tell stop demanding this or leave. It is time for truth and consequences.

B BarbBrooklyn Dec 2016 · Answer 8 · 2016-12-08T20:29:28.000-0500

Yes, FM; what do you mean she "forces" you to. It's YOUR child and YOUR home. What happens if you say "no", put the baby wherever you want to put him and smile at her. Does she throw herself on the floor? Scream and cry? If she does that, call an ambulance for her. If she threatens to harm you or the baby, you call the cops.

Or does your wife want to go along with mama's way of doing things?

F fmylife Dec 2016 · Answer 9 · 2016-12-09T07:40:50.000-0500

barb here is belarus, cops will not take my side instead they will deport me ,i swear it is as easy as im saying,,
guys a huge disaster happened today , we had a serious arguing today,
the thing is my wife and i are planning to move to Belgium work and study, but the first 2 years i must work ans study because my wife should take care of baby,this is what MIL said today ,maybe alesia and baby can stay for 2 years with me ,you go and study, work and whatever you wanna do there.... my wife and i were shocked ,we were speechless, she said to her mother what are you saying i got married to be with my husband but not you i was so shocked and i decided to take daniel ( my son ) out i told my wife we will be back when your mother is gone .after half an hour she left, guys im so unlucky , today my son is 1 month old we wanted to celebrate but now we have no mood , :( :(

C Countrymouse Dec 2016 · Answer 10 · 2016-12-09T07:47:04.000-0500

Just because your MIL says something, neither of you has to agree with her and come to that neither of you even has to hear what she says. She's entitled to her opinion. It would be pleasanter if she kept it to herself once in a while, I appreciate, but why does either of you have to react?

Your MIL can say whatever she likes. You and your wife will make the decisions that are best for your family regardless. In other words, *it doesn't matter*. IGNORE her!

Why Belgium, just out of interest?

F fmylife Dec 2016 · Answer 11 · 2016-12-09T08:33:23.000-0500

im a dentist and my wife anesthesiologist, my uncle work and live in brussle for more than 30 years he is a dentist as well , ill be working in one of his clinics ,here i earn only 250 a month thanks to my family business in iran i get some money every month which is not bad

T tornadojan Dec 2016 · Answer 12 · 2016-12-09T09:25:21.000-0500

Fmylife, I agree with all of the comments. While I also agree this may not be the site you want to be on, it IS from the standpoint that your wife is setting the stage for how things will go down the road. If your MIL is manipulative and intrusive now at age 51, imagine how she will be at age 71 when she may actually have real, physical demands that require the help of others. You are right in that your relationship with your wife is number 1. Remind your wife of the vows you took - nothing is to come between the protection of your marriage. Tell your wife to view your marriage as like a diamond under glass. It is to be protected at all costs from from anyone - even moms! Express support and love for your MIL. But make clear to your wife that your marriage must come first. Good luck.

C Countrymouse Dec 2016 · Answer 13 · 2016-12-09T10:20:08.000-0500

Well, that sounds promising! Would you and your wife be able to visit your uncle's family and have a good look round before you move? I'm just thinking of what it would be like to land in a city with a new baby and not know anyone - pretty hard going.

My dentist is from Bucharest, as it happens - he and his wife moved here together I suppose about seven years ago, something like that. They've got consecutive professional registration numbers, which I think is cute :)

What does occur to me about the money, though, is that although salaries in Brussels might be higher than in Minsk, say, so are living costs, tuition fees, travel, everything... It does tend to be a case of what you gain on the swings, you lose on the roundabouts. Add up carefully, and don't forget to factor in family and friends - they do matter.

You mentioned having to study: are you actually qualified, or do you need to complete your training?

F fmylife Dec 2016 · Answer 14 · 2016-12-09T18:34:44.000-0500

i have already visited 3 times , i stayed for 4 months ,i should go for 2 years training but it doesnt mean i cant work , living cost is higher of course but the salary is around 4800 euros per month ,you know my MIL thinks she owns my wife because she has paid for her universities and her education she cant let go of my wife dude ,she is such a materialistic person

C Countrymouse Dec 2016 · Answer 15 · 2016-12-09T18:49:27.000-0500

Mm. Well I'm glad you're familiar with the place. But I must admit I was thinking of your wife. Moving to a different country, big city, with a one month old baby and a husband who's going to be studying when he isn't working... You see how this could be very lonely for her? Possibly not too clever for her career, either.

I don't think you have to be terribly materialistic to worry that your expensively educated, medically qualified daughter seems to throwing her career away. It might cheer MIL up a bit if she looks longer-term, though - babies aren't babies for very long. Will your wife be able to register to practise in Belgium?

F fmylife Dec 2016 · Answer 16 · 2016-12-09T18:59:45.000-0500

actually its a big chance for her , because in belarus there is such a rule than women after giving birth must go to maternity leave for 3 years , it means 3 years she cant work in belarus ,she must be at home , she is more excited to move to belgium more than me because from next sep she will study the language and next year after we will do specialty together in one university

B BarbBrooklyn Dec 2016 · Answer 17 · 2016-12-10T01:11:16.000-0500

Is ot possible that you've been misinformed? The way I read it, in Belarus, motheres are ENTITLED to two years of maternity leave, with return to their jobs guaranteed, bot that they are REQUIRED to take that time off.

My mother-in-law is destroying our lives.

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