
No question here, just having feelings about my 90-year old mom’s decline. Nothing dramatic, but she is losing weight and seems more frail. She is happy as a clam after her first year in AL with a new boyfriend, and cognitively better than she has been in years. She has stopped complaining and asks me questions about how I’m doing. News flash! This is not how she has been in years. Years and years! At the same time it makes me sad that she is only now treating me more like a daughter and less like her concierge, I’m also tired of being responsible for her and wondering if she’ll outlive me? Will I get a break from managing her life before my stage 4 cancer flares up and we go through our own hell again? Will I be able to bury her and settle her affairs while I’m still healthy? Will these be her last “good” (ish) holidays? When will that other shoe drop for her or for me?
Ok, thanks for indulging my rant. I know I have no control over any of this and I am glad she is finally happy with her living situation almost 7 years now since my dad died, about 5 years since my brother died, and 4 years since we moved her to my city/state (1 yr living with us before my dx, 2 yrs in IL, 1 yr in AL).
Mom is happy now and treating you well. You're no longer AS responsible for managing her life as you once were. My mother died in Memory Care without ever treating me well, 1 month before DH got his liver transplant and 11 months before I was diagnosed.
I have learned to live in the Now without waiting and worrying about the other shoe to drop. It drops when we least expect it, and we muscled thru those times with courage and perseverance, as we will again if necessary. After facing my own mortality and being given 2 months to live, then having the cancer treatment work, I feel like I'm able to appreciate every day I have now. Whether it's a decade or a year, I'm committed to living in each moment w/o thinking about the future.
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle is an excellent book that helped me quite a bit. As an only child with 2 parents to care for over an 11 yr period, a husband with 3 life or death health crises, and then my own, it's been quite a journey.
Wishing you strength, courage and less fear (the hardest one) as you strive to live life one day at a time, my friend. Good luck and Godspeed.
I was given a 5 year prognosis but then found out that timeframe was the "median survival" for MBC. I'm approaching 4 years since my diagnosis and I'm still "stable," so yay! But also scary to think close to half my cohort have already passed away. Cancer is a witch with a b! But we power forward, don't we? Because it is better than the other option.