She was in a loveless marriage and has custody of my 7 year old neice, I'm married with 3 children and I'm a full time student. It seemed like a win win situation. She needed help with my neice and to get out of a situation she felt trapped in and I needed her help with the children while working and going to school. She is now working for a maid service that she hates, after leaving a housekeeping job at a nursing home she hated. We recently moved to a new state and she hates it here to. I feel like in trying to improve her life that I have ruined mine. She was diagnosed with RA last year and is pain all the time. I can't convince her that manual labor is not in her best interest, I know she wants to keep her independence but the constant complaining is pulling down the moral in my whole household. She seems angry all the time and doesn't seem to take into consideration how her words effect everyone around her. In one breath she praises me for going back to school and in the next breath seems to throw it in my face that I haven't gone back to work since the move. I've tryed to convince myself in the last 14 months that they have lived with us that she is jealous of the life I have made. But somehow that feels childish and untrue, and I'm using that as an excuse to avoid conflict. We got in an arguement the other day because I questioned a recipe she was using for dinner, that she wanted to try and received from a lady at church. She is now not speaking to me and locks herself in her room when she is home. I just don't know how much longer I can deal with this. I expected there to be conflict over my neice when they moved in with us as we blended but I never expected her to resent me. She is my mother and I love her but I feel so trapped.
Since your mother doesn't really need care, do you think it would be better if she rented an apartment near you? You could still help each other out, but you wouldn't have to live together. Would you two be able to afford to do that? I would talk to her about it if you could.
Another thing to consider is that you may be adjusting to a new situation. I don't know how long you've been living together. The first few months were the hardest for me. There was so much adjusting. If you think this may be the problem, just give it a little more time. If it is still not working, you and she can figure out what to do.
Your first concern is you and your family, especially the children. Did your Mom leave lots of family and friends when you moved? Moving can be difficult for anyone at any age and that void is hard to fill without a lot of effort.
It takes a lot of patience, love and respect to blend a family. I wish you all the best!