Is this the start of a journey?
I am starting this discussion in large part to document my thoughts and feelings. Feel free to chime in, ignore or add.
Back on November 2020 (I was a VERY cranky COVID isolator), I noticed that DH seemed to be having a jolly old time reading something on his tablet. I am one of thise folks who can take in the gist of a written page at a glance; he was having a convo with someone who was clearly a scammer ("I am from [fill in name of African country] and need to meet someone..."). Told him he was being scammed which he hotly denied. Next day he told me about an email purportedly from Microsoft (clearly a phish).
This is someone who has spent his life and career in tech.
I emailed his doc who said "the man has more risk factors for dementia than any 3 people I know, please have him evaluated".
We had an intake appointment on Friday with a really smart and well-qualified young doc from NYU who recommended MRI, neuropsych testing and an additional blood test (Vitamin B12). When we got home, I sat down with DH and went over who was going to arrange for what. He had the MRI the next day and has the order for the blood work. He can do a walk in at local lab. He sent prior reports to his PCP and cardio.
I sent an email to one of the neuropsych clinicians today and told him that he would be hearing from her. He said "what are you looking for with this testing?" (I'm a reitired school psychologist, so maybe not a totally off the wall question?).
I reminded him about the doc appointment we'd had on Friday. He claimed that he's forgotten the details.
Oy. Ok. Here we go, folks. I just turned 68, and he will do so in a couple of weeks.
If anyone has any wisdom, please share. Love to you all. B
You know, I don't monitor his many meds. Fell into that trap with my first husband; whenever I got sick or had a baby, he'd have seizures because I wasn't around to remind him--and this was a perfectly competent young person!
I am backing away and letting DH figure things out for himself right now. It seems to be working.
Stay tuned!!
I think your attitude is good- just keeping on!
Still going to keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs!
Iggie, DH has had an interesting medical hx.
When I met him, he had been divorced for 15 years, living a not very healthy life from a dietary perspective.
Had lots of headaches which he thought were migraines. Took OTC meds by the handful (literally). Got him to my doc and as I suspected, he had uncontrolled high blood pressure, which was quickly brought under control, but who knows what the vascular damage was from years of that not being addressed.
Discovered to have a leaking aortic valve and about-to-dissect aortic aneurysm; that got fixed, but not sure how much hypoxia there was before it was dxed and the 6 hours of surgery (they basically lower your body temperture to close to freezing to slow everything down) certainly didn't do him any good--except that the surgery saved his life, of course.
He's on blood thinners, bp meds, seroquel for sleep, a couple of heart meds. He's got a wonderful PCP who acts as the "orchestra conductor" and monitors all. I've known our doc for almost 40 years; he is a terrific diagnostician who knows when to refer out
His mom had dementia. No one seems to know what kind. His dad died at 40 from a heart attack and we know nothing about that part of the family.
Right now, we are just keeping on keeping on. Will update as needed.
Thank you all so much for your support!!
"In some individuals, MCI reverts to normal cognition or remains stable. In other cases, such as when a medication causes cognitive impairment, MCI is mistakenly diagnosed. It is important that people experiencing cognitive changes seek help as soon as possible for diagnosis and possible treatment."
Since your DH's CT scan was clear that is good. I imagine you have been very on top of this, but have they looked at his meds, or any other possible conditions that could be contributing to this? I remember you saying your doc of 35 years said he has a bunch of risk factors(?) -- can any of those be addressed or treated?
Also I think your plan- A to D, is all good. Also stepping back and letting him figure things out, also good.
How are YOU feeling, emotionally? I'm glad you got back into therapy, and we are also all here to help and support you.
I know one thing, your DH is certainly in good hands with you, and I'm sure he will thrive much better because of it. I will be keeping you in my prayers that your DH is one of those case the Alz.org talked about that reverts to normal or remains stable.
Huge hug to you Barb
I am determined to
A. Simplify what am saying (I am frequently discursive)
B. Speak more slowly.
C. Get his attention before I speak.
D. Get us both to hearing professionals.
Signing off for now.
Just like the full moon, my husband's cognitive decline waxes and wanes.
It is those moments when he is more himself that I understand his diagnosis does not make him who he is now.
I hope the best for you both.
He says this is Mild NeuroCognitive Disorder, verbal and spatial skills decline that goes beond "normal aging".
Will have repeat testing in 12-18 months to see if there has been decline.
We will followup with Neurologist who ordered the testing soon.
I am going to make an appointment for myself with an eldercare attorney; at the suggestion of this practise, we got all our POAs, HCPs and wills sorted before there was any dx.
Fortunately, we have my 2 grandkids around and my two hyper local kids.
Thanks!
I think most of us need some extra help given this pandemic tbh, more self care etc, life in general seems extra stressful to me. I hope you guys get some good R&R this weekend!
I am increasingly stepping back and trying not to disable him. I need him to do more "figuring out" and exercising his brain more.
DH is playing telephone tag with the neropsych. No news is good news!
When her pediatrician (thank G-d I had interviewed him a month prior) came in the next AM, I asked if that arm thing was worrisome in any way.
He said no and paused and then said "and you know, Mrs. S., we do wonderful things with prosthetic devices these days".
I laughed so hard I choked. He was my kind of doctor. I know. I get reassured by that sort of stuff.
I don't take any sh*t from them especially since being my mom's care advocate before she passed.
I would not get too concerned yet if I was in your situation but definitely keep your eyes and ears open. As for what the doc said. I think that was a very unprofessional thing to say to you. Aren't doctors supposed to reassure? If a doctor ever said that to me I'd probably say "oh, thx so much, you've made me feel so much better, NOT!"
My husband and I (65 and 71) are dealing with alot of health issues. Hopefully they will not progress to a worst degree but I do worry as does he.
There will be surgery and treatments involved.
I hope you get the help you need. Is there anyway to block this particular likely computer scammer? Hopefully he could understand how awful those who do this are. Just last week I received a call trying to get me to give information or "Mam you are going to lose all your internet access and anyone can access your information but I can help you(insert foreign accent). I have gotten to the point where sometimes I play along only with remarks and then tell them I am out of town which was actually true and did not have my laptop with me. Imagine great dismay on their part but they will call me back when I am home. Then I block them.
Hoping you find the correct care.
Is it possible thought that your husband was toying with the scammer and playing games with him/her? I'm wondering this: if he really was being scammed, would he be laughing? Based on what I know of the alleged dire situations the scammers create, I'm inclined to think that your husband might be serious, ostensibly listening to and being persuaded by the scammer.
The only time I laugh with scammers is when I'm toying with them and they're getting confused (such as when they tell me my computer is "infected" and I ask what a computer is).
The MS, Amazon, Apple and other big name scammers have been phishing for years, but they've also not been as aggressive (calling me) as others have, such as the medical scammers selling back braces or whatever. Perhaps your husband thought it unusual that an MS scammer called him, either b/c it's been awhile or because he just thought it was amusing.
I think the issue might be what his interpretation was, and if HE felt the calls were serious.
When I read posts like this, or when I question my own sanity but more especially confusion or lack of memory, I remember what a friend told me when she was in law school back in the 1980s: sometimes she feels as if she meets herself coming and going. My interpretation of my own periodic confusion was that I feel like I'm in a Superconducting Super Collider and all my brain particles are colliding and smashing into each other.
I also think that the obsessive reports about Covid are causing more harm than good (not that the news channels are interested in the welfare of the viewers), and that they're raising the anxiety level of watchers. The news updates were becoming so annoying, repetitive and monotonous that I've almost quit watching them. They didn't confuse me, but they annoyed and sometimes angered me, which changed my mood.
Since the tests are already scheduled, and they will provide insight, I would go ahead with them, but with the hope that they provide denial of a dementia diagnosis, and rather, set your mind at ease.
And maybe it's time to just relax and listen to more opera! Opera cures a lot of anxiety, at least it does for me.
My point is, it can be pretty easy to get caught up in a 'conversation' with an interesting person online, especially a person pretending to be gorgeous or interesting or famous, etc. They've weaved stories SO fantastically interesting or sad or compelling, that the smartest among us can be lured in! We don't have to be diagnosed with dementia to fall for a good story, hook line & sinker! In fact, my late brother in law did just that........fell prey to a Nigerian scammer woman who took him for a few thousand $$$ and he had no signs of dementia whatsoever!
Don't immediately think 'dementia' for DH b/c of a good online scammer or b/c he has more risk factors than the average Joe or b/c he's forgetting more things lately. Sure, he COULD have early onset dementia, but not necessarily. At 64, I am struggling to find words at times, and forgetting what I'm saying, and forgetting things in general which gets me VERY nervous. But I'd hardly diagnose myself with dementia, either.
Stay calm. Lots of crappy stuff comes along with getting up there in age that we dislike and worry about. Being here on this site doesn't help much either b/c we read the Worst Case Scenarios and it's easy to start diagnosing ourselves AND others with everything from LBD to a brain tumor! Try to remember my favorite relaxation tip of all; ask yourself this question when you're anxiety ridden: "What is wrong at this very moment?" The answer is always NOTHING. Unless you're on fire or have chopped your finger off with a knife, you're fine at any given moment!