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Looking back on my many years that I was a caregiver for my husband, I would have to say that the thing that went wrong most often was that I would lose my patience with him, as it could be very trying. Thankfully he never held that against me, and now that he's gone, I don't hold hold that against myself either, as I realize that I am human, and I know that I did the very best I could, and that's all any of us can do.
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With my mom, as soon as we had one "stage" or illness figured out, everything would change and we would need to re-jigger our solutions.

I learned pretty quickly that there was no more "fixing" things.
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I have learned that as a daughter, not to have any more expectations of my mother being a "mom" any longer.

I am now taking care of an angry, paranoid, OCD adult toddler. It's maddening, when I have any expectations other than those.
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That every time I have things all planned out to perfection, the elder manages to find a way to sabotage the entire process. I swear they are not happy unless you are at your most inconvenienced.
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My attitude goes wrong the most often... not much else to say to that.
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Everything my mother can make go wrong, she'll make go wrong. If there's nothing wrong, she'll make something up. She'll lie and tell stories to suit her mood, making others into the Bad Guys so she can play The Victim. What goes wrong is that she hasn't had one moment of gratitude in 94.5 years of life on earth. So, with such an attitude, everything is wrong 24/7. That's the best way to describe it. I have NEVER, ever been able to get her to state one thing she's grateful for! So happiness and contentment is totally elusive. When you try to care for a person like that, you lose.
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I've learned that Mom's condition today has absolutely no bearing on tomorrow. It'll either be better or worse than today, but it'll never be the same. I've learned not to expect any days without surprises, but I've also learned not to dread those surprises because whatever will be will be regardless of how much brain power I've spent worrying about it in advance.
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Toxic siblings taking me for granted. Every time I think an issue is done with, they find something else to get upset about. I only hear from them when they want me to do something or to complain about how I've done it. Then they escalated to legal threats. They do it in group texts and emails so that the whole family can jump in and insult me.

Upon the advice of my mother's social worker, I blocked my siblings and resigned as caregiver to my mom. It's been so restful and such a relief.

I wrote off my siblings, not my mom. I still visit Mom and help her out, but not as often and only when it is convenient for me.

I would rather have them mad at me for not doing something, rather than to go through a lot of effort and hassle and then have them get mad at me anyway.
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Patients , understanding , communication , and letting seniors that you are caring for know that there in control .
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