I’m so upset! I finally decided to move mom into assisted living and now this!

I’m not saying that my mom, or our situation is SPECIAL. I just can’t imagine leaving a confused women with dementia at the curb when she doesn’t want to go to begin with. Not asking or expecting SPECIAL treatment, just thought things were supposed getting better with covid. I will need to wait to put her in a facility because I won’t be able to live with myself doing that to my mother, to me that’s just mean and cruel. I can’t think of it like taking a kid to college, been there done that and it is no way near the same, in my opinion. Not trying to start anything. If she outlives me then someone else will need to deal with it all.

Think of it like this. Once your mother is settled in, do you really want the relatives of every other resident coming in to the facility during the pandemic? Or would you rather have her in a safe, controlled environment?

Sadly, in these weird times, none of us is 'special'. We all want to say OUR LOVED ONE IS SPECIAL!! LET'S CHANGE THE RULES JUST FOR THEM! ANd these please fall on deaf ears, because EVERYONE'S LO is special the THEY don't want a potentially ill patient in their facility.

I think MJ's advice is great. YOU keep a good attitude and make it seem totally normal the way the NH is letting mom in and then go home and throw a fit if needs be. Being angry at this stupid virus hasn't done a thing but raise blood pressure and cause normal people to act crazy.

Think of it like you're taking a kid to college and moving him into the dorms. Nowadays, other students swoop in to move all your student's stuff in for them, and your kid can't get rid of you fast enough.

Now, while I had to move my mother's things into her room myself because she moved in pre-Covid, we nonetheless tried to keep it upbeat much like moving day for college. My mom was upset and stressed out, but I got very close to her when it was time to go and repeated what my grandfather had told her when he dropped her off at college in 1947 -- "Now, just stick to the books and don't worry about the boys." (She did precisely the opposite when at college.)

It was a light-hearted moment, but it took a little of the sting out of me having to leave her. Try to do the same and let Mom know that you'll be back, she's safe, and the Covid situation isn't forever. Let her know the ways you'll keep in touch, and of course, do it.

When it comes down to it, it doesn't much matter as to whether you leave her inside the door or outside. You're going to have to leave her, and that'll be tough on both of you. Do your best to let her know that it'll be OK, and cry later after you get home.