"You'll have to put up with your psycho siblings if you do this and if you don't you can avoid them forever, which would be a wonderful thing. As would traveling, alone time and enjoying the years you have left instead of being abused, taken for granted and losing your own health and sanity."
So many great replies...Mine? Place a parent in a facility asap. It should never become a job taking care of a parent. Visit them- be a daughter or son and leave the rest to the facility. When you have a parent that was a nasty, entitled, self absorbed mother or father especially- dump them asap. They don't deserve your time. Live your best life. They had theirs. Don't make their life become yours.
I didn't know, like many people don't know, is that Medicaid can help finance short-term in-home care. In some states, Medicaid pays for long-term care too. I wish I had known that. People should contact their state's Medicaid agency about eligibility. It can vary from one state to the next. Here is a resource: https://www.statedataresourcecenter.com/
Set boundaries: take their money, credit cards and car. Don’t look back and don’t let them bully you. Keeping them safe starts with taking those things away that predators want: access to their money.
Absolutely, keep in mind its tough, but patience is much needed, yet my patience went out the door. The repeating over/ over almost to the point you start to think its done on purpose as a punishment. It takes a very special person to tolerate and maintain control of your mental status. Get time away must be initiated
Don't do more for a person than they deserve from you. That's what I'd do differently and it would have resulted in me not becoming my mother's caregiver.
People can live for years or decades after they become unable to care for themselves. Family members will not feel any obligation to help once you step up.
Dear tiredmouse, you wrote below me. you said "look for the angels--there will be a few (just a few)". please send them to me, i need them. mailing address: bundle of joy, c/o in-need-of-angels, zip code (please-hurry-thanks-a-bunch).
Be prepared that everyone--medical professionals, professional caregivers, family, friends, and (ugh) your loved one's neighbors--will have different opinions about your loved one's medical care and where they should live.
Also, too often (way more often than you would have guessed), the healthcare system will fail your loved one for various reasons. It's up to you to do research, trust your gut, and gain the confidence to question and even challenge nurses, doctors, aides, assisting living administrative staff, etc., when appropriate. It is sometimes scary and sometimes people will not be kind to you. That being said, look for the angels--there will be a few (just a few), and they'll be your lifelines.
Never move your aged parent into your home. I did and it’s something that I will regret forever. And also another thing I know for sure is never ask for help from siblings because you won’t get it.
I wish I had never let my elderly parents move 900 miles to be closer to me. So glad I got them out of my house after 4 months (although the subsequent 12 years of thankless responsibility for helping them "age in place" in their home a mile from mine were a nightmare).
'You're going to find out who your siblings really are' and the signs have usually always been there - kind of like rust - you know it's there, but it always goes a lot deeper than you think
Sadly I couldn't change anything. I am living my worst nightmare with my mother. I spent years begging her to live a more healthy life and not rely on the religion Christian Science. I suppose I could have emphasized how sad her life could be. I never thought she could go downhill constantly and live on. I know that is more sentences you asked for. No one could forsee how much more damaged a nursing home employee could make her life.
Do not, I repeat Do Not do any caregiving unless you are the one with medical & financial power of attorney. The one with that power is the one who makes all decisions.
I learned the hard way……some of them are manipulative, greedy, controlling & spiteful!
- Advise options.
- Leave silence & time for decision making.
- Let consequences happen.
Repeat as required.
That's what I'd do differently and it would have resulted in me not becoming my mother's caregiver.
Isn't hindsight a wonderful thing?
Also move to that other country in your twenties and don’t stay because you ‘should’ !
Also, too often (way more often than you would have guessed), the healthcare system will fail your loved one for various reasons. It's up to you to do research, trust your gut, and gain the confidence to question and even challenge nurses, doctors, aides, assisting living administrative staff, etc., when appropriate. It is sometimes scary and sometimes people will not be kind to you. That being said, look for the angels--there will be a few (just a few), and they'll be your lifelines.
Have boundaries of steel.
Repeat after me: Have boundaries of steel.
(by the way, whatever age you are, you’re young).
you’re only young once. protect it. be kind to your elderly LOs, but be kind to yourself by living your best youth.
I learned the hard way……some of them are manipulative, greedy, controlling & spiteful!