If you could go back in time, what would you warn yourself about caregiving? One or two sentences.

That sometimes there are no "best" choices, just the "least bad" ones.

1) No good deed goes unpunished.
2) Mind your own business, care only for those in your immediate family or household.

That it can go on far longer than you ever imagined, and that people can (and do) live a long time as physically dependent as a newborn.

That your best is all you can do, and that that will be good enough.
and
You are just as important as the one you're caring for, so please make sure you are caring for yourself if you want to survive the journey, which often times can be longer than you ever thought or expected.

Be prepared to have to choose between keeping them safe and making them happy. The realization that I could not accomplish both hit me hard.

Save yourself, then save others.

Don't wait until you are maxed out to talk to a doctor.

Boundaries...in all areas.

1) Boundaries = professional and mental survival.
2) Save for neurological problems that may be the cause, do not accept ongoing verbal abuse or being taken advantage of.

Say no more often.

Respite care.

Impress on the loved one to take care of themselves, and not focus so much on others.

Convince mom to get a cancer screening (do it when her doctor said the cancer lump first formed and not wait several years before it was noticed on her own at home) and hope she's willing to listen and follow through with the screening.

If she doesn't listen, be prepared to essentially give up everything, not have a life, and get very few breaks.

First take care of yourself...brew a cup of tea.

Accept that it is what it is...no fixing is going to happen.

Then provide comfort.

It is mentally, emotionally and physically impossible to be all things to all people and admitting/acknowledging that is nothing for which to feel guilty.

Don't make promise that you don't know if you can keep.

Take care of yourself first and set boundaries. Be aware that you cannot make they happy.

Don’t take it on! I say that 6 years into it. Never again.

Don't allow guilt to break your boundaries and give more than you should and more than someone deserves.

Don't "promise" anything that may require you to become their caregiver in the future. Even saying "I will be there for you" can be misconstrued by some that you will be at their beck and call.

Put a time limit on your commitment to caregiving 24/7.
It is not sustainable, not healthy for you or the recipient.

Remember me, my dreams, my ambitions.

Don’t stop working, get more help than you think you need.

I’d say to myself: Poodle, I’ve given you tons of wise advice. But the question is: do you have wise ears?

Warning: "fasten your seat belt - it's going to be a bumpy ride!" Caution: "you are now entering the Twilight Zone......"

Strengthen myself physically and mentally to be able to sustain through the difficult times ahead. "Love yourself first, and everything else falls in line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world - Lucille Ball"

www.mycareprints.com

Beware! If there is ANY family dysfunction it WILL escalate exponentially!

Always have a plan. Your plan isn’t going to work.

You can't care more about someone then they care about themselves.

If you do, please fasten your helmet so it won't fall off while you are beating you head against the brick wall.

One last thing I’d say to myself: Poodle, no one else will save you! You must do it yourself!

That validating your decisions and listening to your truth and boundaries is number one.

Don't let the people you take care of, invalidate you. This journey is going to be more difficult than you could imagine. Things will change and you will learn more about yourself and your loved one that you sometimes care to, but do your best to find a healthy outlet, set up boundaries, and learn how to be there for them and show up for yourself.

You are doing your best, there isn't a manual for this. Sometimes, often, you will be the enemy even though you are doing the right things and protecting them. Keep your head up, the love is still there. Remember what you can control and concentrate on that.

Breathe, do mindfulness to emotionally regulate yourself and get some more tlc and therapy to help you along the way. It isn't your job to fix them, just help when and how you can. Boundaries=love, no matter how the other person sees it.

Be cautious of others' intentions in your life. Some people only love you for what you do for them (or for the future caregiving they intend for you to provide.)