1 -- Don't expect to reason with a broken brain. 2 -- Don't expect to hear please and thank you; consider it a gift when you do. 3 -- Don't expect others to support you.
I would have moved to another state years ago so I didn’t have to deal with my mother. She is extremely intelligent and manipulative and blames me for everything . She is 91 and very healthy but physically unable to get around so in assisted living. My husband and I have pledged to zero life saving medications or life lengthening medications for ourselves in order to not get her age.
I guess I would remind myself of some things I'd already learned from other experiences : 1) No matter how much and convincingly they advertise that help is out there somewhere, do not count on finding help from healthcare or other professionals. More often than not, we must be our own saviors and help ourselves. 2) While caregiving, you must focus so entirely on the patient that you forget about your needs. At this time of crisis, what matters is only the person you are trying to save.
Document everything. Beware of those coming out of the closet for the $. Think as though you were the person receiving the care. Self-care is very important.
I grew up as an unwanted child and thought I found a family, but all they saw in me was a caregiver. My desire for love was a bonus to them to be used as manipulation.
I would tell myself, be careful when choosing in-home caregivers; this, more than anything, will determine how much you can relax. Bad/dishonest caregivers = enormous stress/worry.
Hi Blamed: your LO will lie to you, about you, will try to destroy your reputation, will try to find allies, will try to take away anything positive about you and turn it into something bad (a false accusation; something you never did), because this way, you look bad. Not an inch of good.
In fact, the way it's described here looks like the behavior of an enemy. Be warned.
Don't divvy up duties: hire one person to take care of everything then keep an eye on them to make sure all is going well. Visit regularly but otherwise walk away.
🙂 envision your destiny: if you continue as you're doing now, how does your destiny look? total self-destruction, stress, ill health, financial loss, due to being so kind to others (and no time for yourself)?
1. change your predictable destiny.
🙂 "Everyone thinks I'm overly dramatic when I'm stressed. When an octopus is stressed, it eats itself. Now that's overdramatic."
2. don't be an octopus. don't be self-destructive. don't blame others - if you blame yourself for your own situation, you'll take control of your situation.
🙂 "Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once."
if you don't want to do it - DON'T - do not let other's expectations of your determine your future. You will get no help in spite of promises. Say "no" and help them find alternatives.
2 -- Don't expect to hear please and thank you; consider it a gift when you do.
3 -- Don't expect others to support you.
Expect the unexpected.
Plan, but as you do so, understand that "God" or "Fate" is laughing as you do so.
Start with Plan B.
Be the first.
and be creative and kind to yourself and others in so doing. Blessings.
Your siblings will make this nightmare even more nightmarish.
“You never hear a caregiver saying, “My health improved dramatically, with all the stress and hours of helping.””
Challenge accepted.
Hi Blamed: your LO will lie to you, about you, will try to destroy your reputation, will try to find allies, will try to take away anything positive about you and turn it into something bad (a false accusation; something you never did), because this way, you look bad. Not an inch of good.
In fact, the way it's described here looks like the behavior of an enemy. Be warned.
if you continue as you're doing now, how does your destiny look? total self-destruction, stress, ill health, financial loss, due to being so kind to others (and no time for yourself)?
1. change your predictable destiny.
🙂 "Everyone thinks I'm overly dramatic when I'm stressed. When an octopus is stressed, it eats itself. Now that's overdramatic."
2. don't be an octopus. don't be self-destructive. don't blame others - if you blame yourself for your own situation, you'll take control of your situation.
🙂 "Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once."
3. sometimes it's ok to be an octopus. ❤️