My mom lives in a nearby state. She's 77 years old and still works. She says she wants to stay in the small house that she lives in now and doesn't want to retire just yet or move into assisted living. Problem: She really cannot take care of things anymore. Her house is a mess and I get calls from my sister-in-law saying that my mom is living in "squalor." My mom has never been the best house keeper, but it is getting worse. She let the backyard get so over grown that now it will have to be handled by a special company to cut back the overgrowth. It looks like a jungle. My mom says she doesn't want to move; she has two dogs and a cat. I've asked her to come live with me which would entail me getting a new place; currently I live on the second floor of an apartment building. I've very concerned that if I don't get her to come live with me that she'll be forced to live some place that she doesn't want to live. It's very confusing and hard to deal with from another state. My siblings that live there don't want to get involved and my sister-in-law acts mad about it all. It's overwhelming. I'm not in a position to swoop down and throw a lot of money at this situation. I just want to do the right thing by my mom no matter how secretive and eccentric she is. Any advice?

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Lily, take a deep breath and lets see what we can figure out. Ssister is right, you can't force a competent person to move and if your mom is still working she must be at least functional. i also understand that your mom doesn't want to move and she shouldn't be forced to unless she is unsafe. Perhaps you could suggest that she hire someone to take care of her yard. And as for your siblings, why don't they want to get involved? (You don't have to tell me) Would it be possible for you and your siblings to pitch in and pay for a housekeeping service for your mom if she is not able to afford it herself?
Speaking from experience, you probably don't want your mom living with you until it is absolutely necessary. I to understand your concern for your mom. You are a good daughter.

Sounds like your heart is in the right place, and your mother is blessed to have you for a daughter. This story is a bit unusual, in that, unlike most here, your mom is still working. It's not unusual that siblings don't seem to want to get involved. What is your sister-in-law mad about? (Not that we need to know), but it seems a bit peculiar. What about this is overwhelming? What do you mean by saying your mom is secretive? Eccentric is no great problem, unless there's something more to it than that. But if she's still working, that must mean she still has it together, somewhat. And if so, she's still able to make decisions for herself, even if not everyone likes them. It's not like you can force a competent person to move, even if you don't like their personal choices. Or did I miss something in the story? Have you actually seen the "squalor"? Just interested. Don't have any advice, without understanding the situation better. But I do appreciate the concern you have for your mother. Bless you for that.

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter