I think I’m going off the deep end...
My husband had ignored my pleas to use a walker or at least a cane for the last two years. He grabs on to everything when he walks, and his balance is so bad he can’t step up on or down from a curb. He complains about pain but won’t see his doctor til he’s good and ready. I became tired of trying to coax him.
Last Christmas he had two bad falls and I had to call 911 to get him up off the floor. I can’t do it anymore. I get periodic shots for chronic spinal pain from being hit by a car 20 years ago, and I had to postpone January’s shot because my husband was admitted after his second fall.
Now he’s home from three weeks in hospital/rehab, and we have two weeks to move into a ground-floor apartment; I’m trying to pack up the whole place and get him interested in life too.
I can’t scream at him like a shrew, because he just withdraws, and he really can’t do anything, so I am trying to be nice with him so that he perks up a little bit. He is 78, and has PAD. His mind is clear. He had heart surgery three years ago and the doctors told him to use a walker back then. After his quadruple bypass in 2015, his cardiologist told me that if he didn’t walk, everything his vascular surgeon had done in his legs would be undone. Well, here we are.
I’ve been dealing with my own depression and anxiety all my life, and I don’t know what to do. He treats me like a servant, something he NEVER did before, and he seems to be very happy to have me do everything for him, which I refuse to do. I feel so alone.
I have my psych appointment tomorrow morning. It’s not a moment too soon. I feel like a rat in a trap.
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I’ll be glad to see the back of it. I know downsizing is liberating. My sisters and I just emptied out my late mom’s house in January.
Thank you again.
Smeshque, thanks for the prayers and the empathy. I feel better today after talking to my psychiatrist. I am a believer but sometimes I forget to ask God’s help and just succumb to a feeling of overwhelm.
Daughter, it really wasn’t a question but I needed help and I wasn’t sure what the question was. I don’t want to be a widow just yet, but there is only so much I can do about my husband. There’s nothing next, I don’t think. Marriage is marriage. He took care of me when I was depressed and I hope I’m up to the changes as they come.
I took a nap today and it was the best I’ve slept in a long time.
Thank you all for listening.
Then call a removals company that offers a packing service and let them do it. I promise you, you will be glad you did.
Assuming this is a downsizing exercise, there will of course be quite a lot left over. Have you any ideas about what you would like to happen to the (nice) things you won't need to take with you? Sell, give to family, donate, throw out?
Do not forget that moving house is right up there in the top five of most stressful life events, among divorce, bereavement and being fired. So just moving, on its own, is quite enough for you to be dealing with, not even counting your husband's ill health and your own NEGLECT grrrrr! of your ongoing treatment.
So get help, and unless the psych is handy with packing tape and a feather duster I don't mean just him/her. You want more hands to the pumps!
Forgive yourself if you are not your usual sweet-tempered self. Forgive your husband a) for being a helpless wet rag and b) for your feeling that quite a lot of his woes are self-inflicted. Wait until the huge stress of the immediate situation is out of the way, then see where you are.
I recommend prayer if you are a believer and a reliance on the Lord. All my strength to endure comes from Him.
Hang in there, Prayers will be said for you.