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My husband had ignored my pleas to use a walker or at least a cane for the last two years. He grabs on to everything when he walks, and his balance is so bad he can’t step up on or down from a curb. He complains about pain but won’t see his doctor til he’s good and ready. I became tired of trying to coax him.


Last Christmas he had two bad falls and I had to call 911 to get him up off the floor. I can’t do it anymore. I get periodic shots for chronic spinal pain from being hit by a car 20 years ago, and I had to postpone January’s shot because my husband was admitted after his second fall.


Now he’s home from three weeks in hospital/rehab, and we have two weeks to move into a ground-floor apartment; I’m trying to pack up the whole place and get him interested in life too.


I can’t scream at him like a shrew, because he just withdraws, and he really can’t do anything, so I am trying to be nice with him so that he perks up a little bit. He is 78, and has PAD. His mind is clear. He had heart surgery three years ago and the doctors told him to use a walker back then. After his quadruple bypass in 2015, his cardiologist told me that if he didn’t walk, everything his vascular surgeon had done in his legs would be undone. Well, here we are.


I’ve been dealing with my own depression and anxiety all my life, and I don’t know what to do. He treats me like a servant, something he NEVER did before, and he seems to be very happy to have me do everything for him, which I refuse to do. I feel so alone.


I have my psych appointment tomorrow morning. It’s not a moment too soon. I feel like a rat in a trap.

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Countrymouse, I forgot to add that we’ll be getting rid of a humongous breakfront and dining set that I’ve always loathed, yet have dragged around for 30 years, because it was so expensive, and I thought my husband liked it. It came with my marriage to me husband. It’s like a monster in our tiny apartment.
I’ll be glad to see the back of it. I know downsizing is liberating. My sisters and I just emptied out my late mom’s house in January.
Thank you again.
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Thank you everyone. Countrymouse, I did finally engage some packing help from the moving company we’ll be using. Thank you for the suggestion. They will be coming the day before the move and they sounded nice. Lol, they told me to take care of myself too! And some of my husband’s younger friends will be tossing some trash that is too heavy for me to bring to the dumpster.
Smeshque, thanks for the prayers and the empathy. I feel better today after talking to my psychiatrist. I am a believer but sometimes I forget to ask God’s help and just succumb to a feeling of overwhelm.
Daughter, it really wasn’t a question but I needed help and I wasn’t sure what the question was. I don’t want to be a widow just yet, but there is only so much I can do about my husband. There’s nothing next, I don’t think. Marriage is marriage. He took care of me when I was depressed and I hope I’m up to the changes as they come.
I took a nap today and it was the best I’ve slept in a long time.
Thank you all for listening.
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Looking at the floor plan and/or photos of your new apartment, decide what belongings will go where, then walk round your home and stick bright labels on those items.

Then call a removals company that offers a packing service and let them do it. I promise you, you will be glad you did.

Assuming this is a downsizing exercise, there will of course be quite a lot left over. Have you any ideas about what you would like to happen to the (nice) things you won't need to take with you? Sell, give to family, donate, throw out?

Do not forget that moving house is right up there in the top five of most stressful life events, among divorce, bereavement and being fired. So just moving, on its own, is quite enough for you to be dealing with, not even counting your husband's ill health and your own NEGLECT grrrrr! of your ongoing treatment.

So get help, and unless the psych is handy with packing tape and a feather duster I don't mean just him/her. You want more hands to the pumps!

Forgive yourself if you are not your usual sweet-tempered self. Forgive your husband a) for being a helpless wet rag and b) for your feeling that quite a lot of his woes are self-inflicted. Wait until the huge stress of the immediate situation is out of the way, then see where you are.
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Step off of the diving board. You will get through this. You are a strong woman and you will get through these feelings. I too have struggled with depression most of my life, from childhood traumas. Throw care giving on top of that and I understand the heaviness of that weight. Most here do. Feels so heavy to put that foot in front of the other to accomplish anything, I know. The Lord has really helped me. And I recommend him.
I recommend prayer if you are a believer and a reliance on the Lord. All my strength to endure comes from Him.
Hang in there, Prayers will be said for you.
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I don’t really see a question here, but will say take care of yourself first. It’s the only way to be of any help to your husband. He needs to see his doctor again if he’s willing, get an updated physical, and some sound advice. Then it’s up to him to take it. If he can’t or won’t, you’ll have to decide what’s next, but you’re assuredly no good to him while worn out
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