I came here for advice. But the responses to some posts are outright terrible. Statements like I want to live my life and not be bothered or elders should prepare financially for someone other their kids to take care of them, hang up and tell your sibling you want to live your new life, we don’t owe mom and dad anything.
The selfishness runs deep in this world. Our parents chose to have us, gave birth to us, raised us and we do owe them. My parents put us through private school and college. Worked hard to keep a roof over our head and food on the table. My parents paid for weddings, and helped with furniture and appliances for first homes. My parents were good to us and loved us. I want to be there for my parents. We have an obligation to help them. Do we abandon them so people in facilities can abuse or mistreat them.
I moved my mom in after my father died. My siblings had busy lives, no time. They don’t visit, don’t have mom for dinner, nothing. It’s birthday parties once or twice a year for their kids and two major holiday dinners. That’s it. That’s a rotten way to treat someone who interrupted her life to make sure our lives were plentiful.
They live an hour away and go to the major league games 15 min from us. They don’t even stop by to see her but yet visit friends nearby as well. People are so selfish. I do everything and I resent them. I hate them actually. They have no responsibility. Now my mom has cancer who do you think is taking her for chemo, getting up at night, working at my own job.
bob - you were not forced and you don't have to fight tooth and nail for a day off. You don't need mom's permission. Just take it. Your mother will be upset but don't let that stop you. Give her options re adult diapers, someone coming in to help or whatever - her choice and she lives with the consequences. You have done what you can and you are free to go.
Expressing her "hate" for siblings who've left her to do the caregiving job she's chosen is nothing to admire, sorry. Me? I admire folks who choose to care for their loved ones in any way they see fit, w/o passing judgement on others or expecting huge sacrifice on behalf of family. Plenty of other options exist besides leaving ones own blood on the floor as care martyrs.