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I’m encouraging you to get help because you can easily get caregiver burnout. An aide to come in so you can go do errands, Dr appointments for yourself. You need to find someone other than you that you trust. An agency will background check them so you don’t have to. Expecting siblings to do the same as you is waste of valuable time and energy. I wish you best of luck..hugs 🤗
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alliegiovanni and I see a lot of adult children in bondage to their parents and their ideas about being the only solution

bob - you were not forced and you don't have to fight tooth and nail for a day off. You don't need mom's permission. Just take it. Your mother will be upset but don't let that stop you. Give her options re adult diapers, someone coming in to help or whatever - her choice and she lives with the consequences. You have done what you can and you are free to go.
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I really hear your pain in this, and you’re right—there’s a lot of selfishness out there. It sounds like your mom gave so much to you and your siblings, and you’ve stepped up with love and sacrifice when she needed it most. That’s honorable, even if it feels lonely and unfair that others aren’t sharing the responsibility. Resentment is a natural reaction when the weight falls on one person’s shoulders, and it doesn’t make you a bad daughter—it makes you human. I admire your strength, but I also hope you can find ways to take care of yourself in the middle of all this. Your mom is lucky to have you.
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That'sThat's great that your parents gave you a Wonderful Life the people that adopted me when I was 2 months old enslaved me and denied me everything including bathroom privileges most of my life. But I stuck around after I should have been long gone and cared for the paranoid schizophrenic / dementia woman, my Down syndrome brother home it was not his fault and I loved him very much and I'm glad I could be there for him but because I would not leave him behind I was forced to spend another 20 years being abused by the so-called father that used my kindness and my empathy to the full extent only to leave me homeless and penniless. So women generally have to work full time take care of the house the husband the kids and the parents so it doesn't surprise me that a man would sit here and call us selfish because he had to step up for a change. That doesn't make you a hero. We were the caregivers all along while you were sleeping and we were up all night with a sick kid and still going to work so before you start calling everybody else selfish and inconsiderate and a narcissist remember every incident is different.
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TenderStrength, this OP certainly does not see a lot of "selfishness" or "neglectful children" here on the forum and folks saying they "don't want to be bothered" with their loved ones! Quite the contrary, in fact. These posts are filled with stressed out caregivers trying to figure out how to balance caregiving with fulltime jobs, marriages, kids, budgets and their sanity while the loved ones are ripping Depends off at bedtime and peeing all over the house! They're seeking advice and a lifeline, thats all.

Expressing her "hate" for siblings who've left her to do the caregiving job she's chosen is nothing to admire, sorry. Me? I admire folks who choose to care for their loved ones in any way they see fit, w/o passing judgement on others or expecting huge sacrifice on behalf of family. Plenty of other options exist besides leaving ones own blood on the floor as care martyrs.
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