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I was an unwanted child abused sexually, physically, and emotional from my father mother and stepfather and the external family didn't want me either. Over the years i have struggled myself with mental illness from ptsd to schizoaffective which runs in my grandparents families. I know have moved in to take care of my father because no one else will and he will not go to a nursing home after two seperate ones he was neglected. He is a very angry man that wants everything done his way. He demands me to do things and hardly ask. His family will not help me clean the house out or even give me time off. I am trying to get aides in again but so far no luck. He still allows family to call me worthless, greedy, and much more. I worked as a CNA for several years till my doctor told me to stop because of both physical and emotional reasoning. That didn't stop me though. I have helped at food banks, homeless, and with seniors and even received awards for my help from the senate but I am worthless because I don't have a full time job. I sometimes just want to walk away. My doctors think I am crazy for even trying. I spend time just crying. I have been doing almost everything for almost a year now. Not sure how much longer I can continue.

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This is a three month old post. Brought to my attention yesterday after I got furious all over again with a poster, that it was an old post. Don't know why so many are showing up again; perhaps a computer thing. Unless I am mistaken this poster has not returned.
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Unless you like drama in your life, throw him out now. At this point in your life, only you can allow another person to treat you like you are not important. Put an end to it NOW and don’t look back.
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The the OP been back?
I hope it's not too late & that the OP can start building a more positive life.
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Run out of there. I was sexually abused by my father and he treated me like I was ruin8the family and the family would not do anything and left me alone with him after finding out. Forgiveness is hard. I would never be his caregiver. Let him figure out himself or the poor excuse of family that abandoned you. You have no obligation tell them to go **** themselves like they did you years ago. I just got out of an abusive caregiver relationship. My family would not help with grandma but they and grandma wanted to slave drive me and tell me I need to do more and criticize me only when no one else was helping. I allowed this abuse happen for months and I regret it. I finally had enough the last few months and tell them they get to go home to their lives when they leave and I am stuck 24/7. If they feel like they want it to be done then they can go do themselves or eff off. They were shocked. After false accusations of elders abuse I took off and group message saying they can take care of grandma. This caregiver incident has triggered the past of sexual abuse from my father
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I am in a near exact situation w/the same illnesses. For the sake of *your* mental health you should distance yourself and leave. I know it might seem cruel or selfish (which is a warped perception) but your mental health is more important. Like someone said here once, when they abused you, your parent pretty much forfeited the right to be taken care of in old age. You do not have an obligation or duty to take care of harmful people. If you start to fall apart due to stress who will watch out for you? If your mental illness gets aggravated or triggered who will step in for you? You must be an advocate for yourself and take care of yourself, for YOU. You are what’s important, you are the future. I know because I have stayed with my abusive mom because I don’t want her to die alone, but now I’ve reached my limit. She will have to “figure it out”. Your sanity is what’s at risk here and I would hope you do not want to sacrifice that for being mistreated and having to deal with a horrible person. It’s truly not worth it (you are more important).
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Don't just walk away from this situation - you need to RUN. How awful for you that you were treated so miserably with no one to support you or stand up for you. This poor excuse for a father isn't worthy of you at all. Your self esteem, understandably is at a low. Please talk to someone and try to work it all out. You don't deserve this disrespect and abuse. He is not worthy of you at all.
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A father is not a man who had sex with a woman one night which resulted in her having a child. And a mother is not the woman who laid with that man and gave birth, then washed her hands of the baby.

A father is a man who raises his daughter with love and kindness, keeping her best interests at heart ALL the time. A father doesn't sexually abuse his daughter ever, under any circumstances, nor does he even consider doing such a thing. A mother loves her child enough to care for her, nurture her, and be willing to MURDER anyone who tries to harm that child, including the father, and go to jail for doing so. THAT'S how much she loves her daughter.

You've had neither a mother nor a father to care for you in your life, yet you are ruining what's LEFT of YOUR life caring for the angry, bitter man who sired you.

Why are you doing that? Have you asked yourself that question? Do you have a hero complex or something? Are you going to be the one who 'changes' him from a monster into a loving human being? Or make him realize he's hurt and undervalued you your whole life?

A tiger doesn't change his stripes. You are not going to get even a Thank You from this man, never mind an I'm Sorry or You Are A Wonderful Daughter.

Wake up before it's too late. Disassociate yourself from the people who have caused you all of the problems you have faced in your life. Stop agreeing to be a doormat for an ugly man who considers you worthless and always has. Find your OWN value and build on it rather than allowing your value to be diminished and insulted.

Stop crying and start taking action to change your life. Today. Now. This minute.

You can do it. You are worth it. It is never too late to start a new life, my friend. Take that first step by saying NO MORE ABUSE!
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purpose,
I do not know how in the world you are caring for a father that sexually abused you. Sorry I do not understand. I am so sorry you were abused and had to endure such hardship. You are in no way obligated to take care of your father. I would find another place to live. Angry man? Sorry I have zero tolerance for abusers especially sexual abusers. I would suggest making an appointment with a good therapist.
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You have a big heart. You still are willing to care for the ones that have hurt you. That takes a special kind of person.

No matter how someone treats you, be kind to them anyway. We reap what we sow.

Just remember, you have to be good to yourself and take care of you.
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Hello, purpose4him,
I am sorry I can't offer advice, I can tell you that you are not alone in your struggle.
I understand you feel obligated to care for someone who abused you. I too feel that obligation. Too quickly I step up and say "I'll do it"
I am here to offer a listening ear. I hope you can escape, soon.
take care of yourself.
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Please self preserve. You owe these people nothing. The bond you have with them is based on trauma, and is a difficult one to break. You were never loved, but return in hope of receiving a few crumbs which will never be forthcoming. These are very sick, damaged humans; to remain around them is toxic. If you were advised not to work as a CNA because it is too stressful, is bad for your health, you should not be acting as a caregiver for this abusive man with severe psychological pathology.

Please pack up, leave, spend the remainder of your life doing what makes you happy. A positive church denomination may provide you with additional support. Peace.
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Purpose4him, the trouble is that you seem to agree with all of the people who say you are worthless, greedy and so on, and you seem to ignore all of the people who say you are praiseworthy, valued, accepted and important.

Why don't you listen to the senators and the doctors - who are not only objective and unselfish in their opinion but probably better qualified and more intelligent in reaching it - instead of to the abusers who continue to abuse and exploit you? The family, especially your father, can only do that with your active co-operation.

Can your doctors put you in touch with a good, practical therapist?
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I think you should walk away. You had to stop working as a CNA due to physical and emotional reasons. Working in this situation has to be emotionally exhausting. Just because relatives call you names does not mean what they say is true. You are self-sacrificing here which totally contradicts worthless and greedy. Your actions in helping others also shows you are a giving person.
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Do you want to live where you are? Or would living somewhere else be better for you?
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RUN AWAY!!

I too was abused by a family member and it was ignored and swept under the rug because that wasn't 'what OUR family does'.

I also got too involved in CG for a mother who, to me, anyway, is my primary trigger for anxiety and depression. I had to step away and simply not have her be in my life. There is no way in the world I could adequately and kindly care for her.

Abused people tend to blame themselves for EVERYTHING. I found myself constantly saying "I'm sorry" for things that simply happened--I didn't DO anything wrong. I certainly didn't ASK to be abused for 10+ years. Yet, I was made to feel guilty and responsible.

People like this--so very often family, don't deserve to have your caregiving skills. People who LOVE you, protect and add joy to your life, not spend their time with you knocking you down.

I have wanted my mother to love me all my life. She didn't, doesn't and never will. I rarely see her and when I do, I wonder to myself why I put myself through spending any time with her.

PLEASE walk away from this family. You sound like a wonderful caring person who has a LOT to offer people who will appreciate you.

DON'T try to make it all OK for a father who is blatantly using you. Somebody else can step in and care for him. Don't make the mistake of staying out of some misplaced guilt!!

I hope you can some therapy and help to help you move forward. This is very, very hard to do--but you can do it.

((HUGS))
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Walk away.

Your family does not love you. Never has, never will. They’re incapable of love. That is THEIR issue, not yours!

Somewhere inside you is the little
girl who just wants her family to love her. No one can blame you for feeling like that. None of this is your fault.

You deserve better than these insane people who will never get their fill of abusing you. Stop coming back for more. Move on and I promise you’ll find people who will love you and treat you as you deserve to be.
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You are NOT worthless, and anyone that would say otherwise you need to stay far away from, for your mental health's sake. You do not deserve to be abused still when all you're trying to do is help. And to be honest I am not sure why you feel that you have to take care of your dad. He obviously doesn't appreciate it, so why do you put yourself through that? So he doesn't have anyone else. Oh well. He has made his bed and now he has to lie in it. Let him figure things out, or his extended family that wants to verbally abuse you. You are not responsible for the care of your dad. You need to be taking care of yourself and finding healthy ways to build up your self worth.

I too was sexually abused by my father and my mother knew about it and did nothing to protect me. It can scar you for life if you let it. I had to make the decision years ago that for my mental health I first had to forgive them both, and then I had to cut ties with them both, as it was too unhealthy for me to be around them. Both are deceased now, and I have no regrets. I made my peace with them long ago.

You say that sometimes you just want to walk away. You need to do just that. Walk away, and get your life back. You're worth it!!!
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