It has been a long five years of stress. My boyfriend and I moved into his dad's home to take care of him.
Since that time, I have been through h*ll. There have been incidents with my boyfriend's sister that have involved the law and even a restraining order against her. Through all of this I have been behind him and supporting him emotionally. care for his dad who is far from the easiest person to take care of, but for the most part is a sweet old man.
Since I am his primary caregiver, my father-:|law, agreed to pay me $ 200.00, per month, and pay for own meds, which are @ 50.00 bucks a month.
I take care of all the finances, which is not a responsibility, I wanted. Even, the hospice social worker, agreed with me, since my bfn has power of attorney, etc.,.
My fil also agreed to leave me, 2500.00 out of a $ 55, 000 life insurance policy.
My relationship, I know, is not going to work. I have known this for a while. My fil has, unfortunately, been witness to a few bad incidents. He (fil), has begged me not to leave. The remaining kids never come over, has not seen his other son in 8 years, although they live less than 20 miles a part. There is so much dysfunction in that family. I always stay out of the scribbling drama.
I am 51 years old, with bad health problems myself. I have rheumatoid arthritis, that knocks me to the floor, when I have flare-ups, which, seem to be happening a few times a month and lasts any where from 2-5 days. I take prescribed meds, which can have some nasty side effects. I also am diagnosed with ptsd/anxiety and bipolar disease, which is managed through therapy and additional meds.
This past Saturday, while fil was in respite care, I had the worst headache of my life, which was treated with pain meds by the emergency department.
I am a good person, but I feel like I am going crazy. I need some clarity.
After the return of fil, from respite, another three days of turmoil. He had snuck in to the care center, additional morphine sulfate and to this day, I have no idea, how much he consumed. He was ready to pass, I believe, with moments of agitation. The social worker and two nurses, agreed, that, under the circumstances, he needed to be back in the care center. He was a fall risk, kept trying to take catheter and connect it to o2 line, just very confused. Two different occasions, that same day, on call nurses had to come out.
Imagine my surprise, when my bfn, he was going to stay home, instead of going out to center, to make sure everything was set up, dad comfortable etc.,. This whole past week end I have had less than seven hours of sleep in three days. I feel as I have been hit by a truck. My bfn, which I am sure loves his dad, slept a full 8 hours a night. I know it has been stressful for him too, but still, he knows that I am sick too, and how imperative with my bipolar, that I have to get adequate rest. On the day of transport, grand kids come over. The grand son, brings a pittbull, and then leaves for an hour. So, here I am, putting my dog in bath, worried my cat is going to get hurt, not to mention, the transport guys, do need that to worry about.
The past is so crazy, with this family, one could write a drama of the week.
Any ways, when my bfn found out about the money his dad was going to leave me and all of that, my eyes were opened to the whole affair.
Am I going crazy? Am I expecting too much, to have a mate, that cares for the woman who takes care of his dad?
Trust me, I could care less about money and all of that, but I am planning on my own future. I have to feel secure and safe. I know he is never going to marry me. I do not drive, I am in the process of a hearing.g for disability. I have to plan, as my bfn has had 2 heart attacks, and has made no plans for our future.
I am so stressed, that last night, I really thought, if I closed my eyes, I would not wake up. This entire experience, feels like the rollercoaster from bell.
Some one, please, advice. Thanks for letting me share. It does help

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Wanted to add that boyfriend was furious about tbe money, even threatened me, legally. I am so hurt by this, i just feel numb

Grey, to me it seems you should get out of there and the sooner the better. You have disability is process which will help though not as much as leaving will. He is on hospice now so it is a good time to leave because they are there to make sure he is getting the care needs. If the bf won't take care of him hospice will take care of that also. LEAVE now, who knows what may happen if you wait until after the passing. And DO NOT threaten your bf with leaving do it no notice or discussion with anybody. This sounds like a potentially dangerous situation for you.

Gladimhere is right. This is an abusive situation. Get out, and don't tell anyone where you are going. You are being used. Run.

only you can help yourself. this is never a boyfriend he is a user & abuser, he saw you as an easy target to help out with his dad. ( obnoxious swine) you seem to have a heart of gold, you deseve someone who loves you, cares for you, he never did. you cannot buy health, to hell with money. you are worn out with stress, threats,& getting little sleep, this wont help youre health, getting away will. break any ties you have with this family. if you need a roof over youre head have a private word with the social worker to find if she can help you with this, & any benefits you will qualify for due to illness. you will lose confidence, self esteem, and feel wothless should you continue to stay there. the boyfriend has proved he does not care about you, angry with you about money, dont wait for him to change HE can] get away now, at 51yrs you are not old, you will find someone who cares, looks after you. but most of all CARES. you deserve it. i hope you get out quickly. lots of luck,

greynite, do you have any money or family you could move in with until disability is approved? If you do, I would leave in a heartbeat, letting the son know that he needs to come home to take care of his father while I was closing the door behind me. If you don't have anywhere to go, figure out how you are going to take care of yourself. With a "bf" like that, it will be hard to do. People like that tend to drain everything you have -- time, money, self esteem. You probably will never have anything until you get away from him.

You've been wonderful to take care of his father and I can tell you have some genuine affection for the man. You're not responsible for him at the cost of your own life, however. When you are able to get away, so make sure that he isn't left alone.

I hope you are able to get away and support yourself with your own money soon.

If you can, call the police. Tell them you are in an abusive relationship and that you do not drive and they will get you to a homeless shelter. You probably know that you were never going to see any of that money anyway, because you are not in charge of the dispersal. So just take care of yourself now. You say you have pets. I don't think they allow pets at a shelter, but there may be some that do. I wouldn't stay just on their behalf, though. Good luck and God be with you.

I'm sorry I didn't mean homeless shelter. I meant women's shelter. My fingers took on a life of their own, I guess.

Thanks to all. I know that I must leave. Fil is at home and will die within a week. Signs have set in....
He is now on a pump, and from being a heavy drinker most of his life, is getting atavan every four hours, for agitation, haladol every six.
It is bf just zones infront of game pn phone.
I know now, without a doubt, I am not crazy and there is something really wrong with him.......not my problem.
Yesterday I mentioned, while in a quite relaxed format, what his plans were with the insurance money.......personally, i just hope he repairs the roof and save the rest. There is not that much, only @ 20,000.00. I just wanted to see his rection. His comment " your not going to get a job?" He knows about my disability, that it may take some time.
He knows i am putting together a business i can do from home on a crafters web site called etsy. Just small little thi gs i can easily make and my friends so far, have all bought from me and gave me the idea.
He really is using me. My mother told me, before she passes that he was too needy......nice word for so.eone who uses you.
But, thank you all.

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