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emjo: I am trying to answer all that have posted. I have never heard that expression " a row to hoe", love it. I needed a smile. thanks for the prayers. I just can't think straight with all the "jerking around" going on here, by several parties in my household.
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jeannegibbs, yes I am seeing a counselor, tomorrow will be visit #5. Thank goodness our medical insurance is good - covering these visits 100% or I wouldn't have the money to go, but we are limited to the number of visits...so they must be productive. The main focus was how to handle mean ole mother-in-law with alzheimer's. Then we turned to marriage issues. Not much gets accomplished with a 45 min session. He gives me ideas & trying to get to know me - that's gonna be hard. I don't even know me right now. No joke. I am a shell of what I was. and I don't know how to get back up.
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Cattails: yes, I am in counseling, but it's only 45 minute sessions and I am on visit number 5. No, my husband has not gone with me. Guess I didn't want to believe that one - but that's the way it has fallen. Right now, my current thoughts are: first priority, get MIL into daycare from 7 to 5 Monday - Friday where she will get more care, including phy therapy and socialization. Get husband to follow through on guardianship, where it stops the crazy MIL's daughter from grabbing cash & assets, so money will be there when it's needed for her ongoing care. THEN, I can get back to work full time where I can quickly get money back to pay off my debts & put money away so IF my marriage continues on the same road currently on, I have the means to leave in a pretty good financial state instead of being forced to live in a parents basement, where life won't be easy either. My parents are good & kind, but they are retired and don't need problems in their life. I need to be able to stand on my own, fight for what is mine, go forward with no looking back. My mind and mental state is still too weak, to fight anyone right now. Yes, I have a list of calls to make tomorrow, not stopping until these things are in place. The physical therapist that currently comes to the home 2x a week is making some progress with her, at least she is walking more & her muscles aren't as weak. He feels that she can do much better, but we are doing her more harm than good by keeping her here in our home full time. At the senior day care, she will have a counselor, for some one on one, then surrounded with others her age & condition, more phy therapy with equipment to benefit her much better, etc. I won't walk away until I can see my efforts have been worth it. I would also like to lose my weight & then tell him I am OFF LIMITS, NOT INTERESTED. See how that feels. Ok, better stop - getting into anger mode. I can forgive, but I never forget.
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Ohio...your husband is improving his looks. He now looks 35 and not 57. He hasn't touched you and is disgusted with your weight. He is fooling around. This is NOT YOUR FAULT! Your weight did NOT push him to fool around. He's not about to "rock the boat" because YOU are taking care of his mother. He made sure that you have no job, no income, no savings ...so that when he treats you like BS, you have No Where to go. My brother did this with his wife. He got her pregnant so many times, they ate out a lot and made sure she go fat. Then he insult her about it. He used this excuse to fool around. It just pisses me off when I found out. And I'm seeing it here with you.

Ohio, please do not put any more of whatever money you have into your mil. You really need to prioritize your job into your busy schedule. Because this is something that you will need to fall back on when your husband decides that it's "time to move on".

FYI, the last I heard about married couples - they both share the bills. If he owes money, by default, you are also responsible. The same applies to Your Bills. I would check your bills, and any that has to do with the household or mil, he can pay for it since He Is Working! Ohio, you need to stop seeing with rose-colored glasses with regards to your marriage. Sometimes, Love is not enough to make a relationship work. I agree with Cat about therapy on why you seem to stay in abusive relationships. But at the same time, you really need to have a back-up plan NOW if and when your husband tells you he wants a divorce. Those dinners that he took you to? That's a "pacify" wife move. Sis ex-bf did that to her, too.
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cattails, guess I should have stopped for a moment and read your next post - you must have been reading my mind, EXCEPT when I get back in gear, working full time, back into my exercising (which I did join my gym again a couple wks ago) & tanning a little, keeping my grays away (which I have been unable to do) with good hair cuts, being able to get back into my nice clothes & being able to get out on business social gatherings where I can talk professionally again with like minded people - not much time will be left to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I can forgive but I don't forget. My husband has wounded me deeply. I don't repair easily. Nor do I think he would be there for me in sickness or hard times. That hit me smack in the face hard. Still stings!
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JudymW: yes, I think he has continued in the life path he has always been on. Don't cause him any waves - as he is on his OWN route. He does as he pleases & doesn't want told what to do. He feels I am a nagger, a "downer". You know what? I am - I don't know how else to get his attention without saying it over and over again. I am down, he is up. But instead of just floating here, looking for a life jacket, I decided to swim for help. If you were to talk to me 2 months ago, I was at a point where I wanted to just stay home, quit work, be a caretaker - feeling dead inside. No hope. Who cares. And how could I do better the way I look and feel now. But I was so wrong! This site has made me come back to life. Find focus on what is best for my MIL who is crazy at times. Truly crazy and paranoid scary. If I left, my husband would pack MIL's bags & send her off to live with his sister who will steal her blind & not think twice about it. She will be in a weakened state because of the living conditions there, very small & the only usuable bathroom for showers is in the basement, where there is an extreme fall risk OR she will end up with sores, UTI infection from not being able to bathe properly. No, I can't live with that one. That would haunt me. Sorry. I feel so sorry for her, like a stray animal with no home or protector. But my husband is in such denial over what needs to be done - and such a procrastinator. He doesn't want me to leave or even say the word divorce. He truly thinks all is fine & I should think about getting into another field of work. He doesn't like me being in real estate - being self employed. He would rather me work in some factory where there are set wages with overtime, if offered. I won't do it. I applaud those that can - that work in factories, but that's not what I want to do. I LOVE my job!! and I'm good at it.
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(((((((((Ohio))))))) You talk about your marriage, but I don't see a marriage there. There are certain things that destroy a marriage before the individuals get to a divorce court, and those things have been, and are happening. I see everyone is for themselves, including you, only your goals are different from your "husband's" and his mother's. I have no doubt that if you walked out tomorrow, your mil would be looked after. The financial resources are there. It is not your problem, yet you have taken it on. I agree with cat that religion is not the reason for you staying. Scripture says to love others as yourself. I don't see much love of self here at all. Your "husband's" agenda is to look after himself and use you, and you are cooperating with him. The picture you paint of him seems worse and worse. Your mil's agenda is to belittle you, and you are cooperating with her, Your agenda is, apparently, to continue in a situation which has dragged you down to depths of self sacrifice, ruined your career and negatively affected your health, and your looks, and then, by bringing in some resources, stay in that situation long enough to recover your career, health and looks, and snub your nose at the man who is your "husband" and leave.
That doesn't look like straight thinking to me. I hope you are asking yourself some of the very hard questions that have been suggested in posts here. And I hope you find some of the answers before you are dragged down any further.
with love, prayers and concern for you - joan
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Bookworm, a few minutes earlier tonight, I asked him - who are you doing this body makeover for? He says for himself. The doctor did tell him last winter that he has diabetes starting, putting him on metformin, told to take off some weight. That would help reverse what has started. He is on high blood pressure med, cholestral (sp?) med, metformin & stomach reflux med. Then he bought some kind of diet pill & drinks energy drinks. He has lost quite a bit since last winter & looks good. Plus we have a bowflex he bought ( it's his, not mine so I won't touch it - if I broke it, there would be hell to pay). So he works out. Again, he takes care of him. Well sorta, I get up at 5:30am every morning (except Sunday) where I make breakfast & pack him a home cooked lunch, getting him off to work. I did this since day 1, my thoughts were - we are starting off our day together. But now, it's like a burden - I could use the sleep. He's a big boy, can do it himself, but it's expected now. He's upset if I don't. Not worth the hassle to me, so I get up and get it done. He gives me a quick kiss goodbye & out he goes. So I guess I wasn't totally honest, he does do a quick kiss bye, says he loves me as he heads out the door. But there is a HUGE difference from a quick kiss bye and deep, passionate kisses now forgotten. He used to come up behind me, hug me with kisses along my neck. No more. I have asked if there was someone else, this makes him mad. In fact, it makes him angry that I even mentioned it. He says he is not a cheater. But my counselor tells me the signs are all there. Men start doing things like he is currently doing, losing weight, working out, tanning, bleaching hair, not coming home after work, not answering phone calls, no sex at home - there has to be someone else, plus now he has a separate bank account that is his, and his alone. Bank statements stay sealed. He continues to say he loves me. That is so confusing. We don't go to bed together anymore. I feel more like a brother and sister than man and wife.
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Oh, in my earlier posts, the other reason I wanted to get back exercising is for my mental health. My counselor told me just walking on a treadmill 30 min 3x a week would reduce stress & help me gain strength again. I have been so long in working out, I need to start out slowily and let my family doctor know. So it's not all about looks, even though that is strongly on my mind since that is what my husband is currently doing, throwing it in my face. I don't have money for a new wardrobe, so dropping pounds makes sense there too. I only have a couple nice outfits where I have a closet full of other clothes just a couple sizes smaller.
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Ohio: You know the score, but your revenge scenario doesn't make sense. You don't have to get on your feet and regain your position, just to tell your husband your are not interested. You need to pack your shit and get out of there because you have respect for yourself, regardless of your current looks and your financial situation.

I realize living in your parent's basement is not ideal, but I find it hard to believe that you would make their lives more complicated. You are a kind and caring person. How is it that you can do all you are doing, going through all you are going through and think that living in your parent's basement would be worse? There has to be more to that story.

I'm going to use a quote from one of your posts. "Sorry. I feel so sorry for her, like a stray animal with no home or protector." Ohio, do you realize that you are seeing yourself in your MIL? That quote is about you. It sums up your fears about you. You must feel the same about your parents. No home and no protector. Why? You couldn't protect yourself, you couldn't protect your children. So you will protect your MIL. It's like the final stand to find your worth. You are doing what you always wanted others to do for you. This started early in your life.

If you want to make the sessions count with your counselor, talk about this loss of protection. Love to you and know that I care. Cattails
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aww, honey! You were taking your plate elsewhere, weren't you? Why stay for this emotional abuse? Remember, you have to be the captain of your emotional, physical, and mental health. I greatly dislike encouraging someone to walk out of a marriage but this is killing you! Steer for calmer waters and regain your health. Please.
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Tell him to make his own damn lunch and use his exercise machine if you want to. You are stuck there all day and you could use the exercise. What's he gonna do? Beat you up? Maybe then you would leave. Please take care of yourself and stop being the rescuer of his mother. Rescue yourself.
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I'm curious, I thought I put up a link to an article about creating a supportive life story....it is from the "daily om". Did anyone see it or did I not press submit or maybe it was removed. Is there a rule about posting links? Just curious. It was about empowering yourself...I'm going to try again and if it disappears this time, I know that I am not supposed to do that.
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mommag - they remove links -so you have to write them a little dufferently I have shared the daughtersof narcissistic mothers site by writing daughtersofnarcisissisticmothersdotcom, or give a phrase that people can google that will take them to the right link.
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Ohio, you are trying so hard to do the right thing, by everybody else, and ignoring your own needs. We are supposed to love others AS WE LOVE OURSELVES. No one is put on this earth to be abused. Your MIL will do just fine - she will be better off in a nursing facility - better socializing, exercise. I've seen it happen, seen health actually improve. But talking about religion - have you considered that you should not be cooperating with people like your husband, whose selfishness is a sin? I don't want you to feel guilty here, you are just trying so very hard to do the right thing, but it's wrong to facilitate evil behavior. And his behavior is just that. Morally decent people do not treat others as he treats you. I believe you will find that if you remove yourself, you will begin to heal, but if you stay, even with an exit plan, the misery will just go on and when he finally tells you he is divorcing you, you will be even weaker and more desperate. This is a man(?) whose motto is "ME, ME, ALWAYS ME!" I doubt that he has the capacity to be a decent husband. He just throws out a few crumbs from time to time to "keep her quiet". But he will dump you the moment it suits his agenda. You would be wise to talk to abuse counselors - a friend of mine was in a situation similar to yours - the counselor really helped her understand what her legal rights were, how to protect them, etc. And she followed through. Sure enough was her husband surprised when he thought he was going to walk and leave her pennilesss and she was able to refer him to her lawyer, who explained to him that things were not going to go his way. Sounds like your husband is already starting to squirrel away assets - probably has been doing so from day one. Women's support groups can really help, when you can't pay. Pushing you into destitution is a favorite strategy of people like your husband. I know you don't want to "leave your marriage", but I think that he left long ago, maybe was never really there, a narcissist forever. You have so much to give so "let your light shine." It could be the wakeup call your husband and MIL need because I truly believe they are going to account to God for the way they have treated you, and almost certainly others in their lives.
God bless and keep you
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I am so sorry for you Ohio gal. My mother is very stubborn as well, has taken falls and will not take the necessary precautions for safety ie walks w/ no cane, no walker, balance issues. I know how EXTREMELY frustrating it is to try to take every precaution, be "on watch" 24/7 in order to try to prevent hazards. It takes a toll mentally and physically. My mother does NOT have nasty behavior and my husband is emotionally supportive, even though he has health issues of his own.... and I STiLL get frustrated. I can't even begin to imagine the volcano of anger and frustration inside that you must control every day. I will pray for you-- you are on a hard road.
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cattails, this post really opened my eyes. why didn't I see this before? That makes total sense. I guess I am seeing myself in my MIL. Oh my gosh, I read, re-read, then read that post again. Yes. Right on. I am having an moment here to ponder those words. Thank you.
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ravensdottir. I did not have a good counseling session yesterday. I feel he wasn't listening. Maybe I need a lesson in communicating. He tells me that the situation makes everyone not be themselves & perhaps my husband feels that he can't handle the truth his mother is approaching worse health & closer to death. Hey - what about the LIVE person here who is being run into the ground? I've just had 2 bad days trying to juggle everything, with taking accusations thrown at me right and left. I'm tired. Nothing makes sense.
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mommag, nope. not gonna touch "his" stuff, learned that early on. Not worth the drama. I can't handle anymore grief.
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mommag, no, I don't see any link. Can I look for that another way?
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Ohio, I understand about "his stuff"....I was just being a little bratty with that comment! I wonder if a female counselor would be better for you? Sounds like the counselor was making excuses for your husband...and that is not what you need at this time.
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Mommag: You did post a link, but it seems links get removed. If you want to do that, you have to sell it out like dot com or it will be removed.

Ohio: If you don't feel like your counselor is listening to you, tell him that. He needs the feedback and any good counselor will be open to your thoughts. Remind him you have limited visits and don't want to waste them.

Didn't you have an appointment with an attorney a while back. I am concerned about your husband hiding assets. That's a good possibility.

Sometimes we do for others what we want done for ourselves. You would like to be protected so you do your best to protect your mother-in-law. You've done that with your husband too; gone along with bad behavior so you could prove to him you loved him and were worthy of his trust. Maybe you are drawn to wounded people, because you are wounded, so you can try to heal them the way you want someone to heal you. You have to take that "stray animal in need of protection" THAT IS YOU and love and protect it with all your heart. Love yourself the way you want to be loved.

Unfortunately, you can't fix someone else, especially if they have character issues. You can only fix yourself by learning more about who you are and why you stay in bad situations. Here is a story a friend of my shared on another thread. It goes to character:

The Scorpion and the Frog
A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too."
The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp "Why?
Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."

Stay with us Ohio. Love and Hugs, Cattails
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OhioGal08,I'm new here.I read your whole thread.My God.You sound like my mother.All my life she's been trying to win my father's love.She took care of my grandma(his mother)and his stepfather forever while he did his own thing.He left on holiday's without us,he golfed on the weekends,he went on vacations without us.And she took it all my life.He was thoughtless,selfish,self-centered human being I've ever known.He also has separate money.His money-her money.She knows nothing of his assets.When I read in one of the comments that your husband wouldn't take care of you if something happened-you are right on.He won't.How do I know?My mother fell down the stairs 3 months ago.She broke her vertabre in her neck back,broke her pelvic bone,shattered her left arm.Broke 5 ribs.And this happen a week before his mother's death.The only thing he cared about is who is going to cook for him and make his lunch!He didn't care about my mom at all.She's out of rehab and all that.She's at home now and she's going down hill so fast because she's broken.Spirit-mind.She's broken.I'm 39 years old with 4 kids.I don't have the room to let her move in.She won't leave either.All she does is talk about my dad.He controlled the cars ,who she can see, you name it.She's so depress she takes things out on me(it's been a nightmare my whole life).My dad is looking for another scapegoat.Yep me.Oh no I'm not.That's a story.I don't want to hyjack your thread.I came here looking reading other posts trying to get a clue.One day I will post about everything.

But please,please......save yourself.My mother didn't.She's broken.She's 70 years old and she seems like 98 years old.My father whom is 77 is still working and won't-refuses to miss any work to help my mother.It won't get better I'm telling you.Your children will see you go down faster than you can blink an eye.We aren't meant for continous abuse.It will break you.You sound like a lovely person that needs NOW to get out.I'm sorry to be so forward with being new.I never posted anything only lurked for help,but this is what I wish my mother would do.Your so young yet and there is life ahead for you.You got to just change it before it's too late.
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the counsellor said WHAT!!!!! Fire him and find another one. i wouldn't put up with that for a moment longer!!!!Oh that makes me so mad!!!!!! He sure at heck has not been listening to you and your concerns. Keep going, Ohio, till you find someone good for you! I can't believe this!!!!
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Ohio, I keep reading this thread, thinking "Get out. Run. Plan your escape, execute it, and save yourself." I'm waiting for you to realize what everyone else here does. And, you know, you sound like such a nice person, like I can imagine that it'd be nice to be your friend - you'd be trustworthy and loyal and probably lots of fun once you weren't being beaten down - you deserve better than this, you've just got to realize it yourself. I think if you put some distance between you and the situation, you'd realize how far they've stomped you down. You're not in the driver's seat of your life. You're not even in the passenger's seat. You're in the back of the truck with the fertilizer. I hate to be so frank, but I'm seeing the writing on the wall and you're still hoping its not there, refusing to turn your head and read it.
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Judy, that was so great, in the back of the truck with the fertilizer. Ohiogal Please understand this is the truth. You need to take Cattails and the others' advice and get out. MIL isn't the little bird you think she is. She doesn't want you to help her. Get the help in place for her and get out soon. And don't look back. Your husband and his sister have the relationship with their mother because MIL built it that way. We reap what we sow. You aren't a social worker. You're being used and abused. You give up your future for anyone. You can only help others when you keep yourself stable. What happens if your kids or grandkids need you? I mean something serious or hugely great. You need to keep yourself strong so you can be there when they need you.
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rovana, yes - I know he is squirreling away his assets, I know which way I need to head.
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Ohiogal, I just saw a great quote on FB it's "When you say yes to others, make sure you're not saying no to yourself." So when will you be going?
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Ohio, please read and read again and then again folgers' post. She watched it happen up close and personal. You want a crystal ball to see your future? Read her post again!

You have only had a few sessions with this counselor. He doesn't know you as well as we do! For him to make that comment which sounds like a defense of your husband he can't have heard as much as we have about the self-centered excuse of a man you are married to. Your counselling sessions are limited and you need results. You went in there with the idea you needed help coping with MIL. WRONG TOPIC! Bring this counselor speedily up to date on your marriage, or find another counselor pronto -- probably a female.

You are sooooo worthy of a good life and a chance for happiness! We all want to see you take the steps necessary to have that chance.
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"...nope. not gonna touch 'his' stuff, learned that early on. Not worth the drama. I can't handle anymore grief."

You are going to have to handle some grief, there is no happy way out OR through; as they say, the easy problems have been solved already. A man who gave two hoots in hell about you would at least let you use his exercise bike!!! His Porsche or his favorite expensive power tools OK sure, he could worry too much about. But please!! Stop giving yourself excuses to stay in this mess. You know what you have to do, or at least be truly willing to do, before any change has any chance to occur. Your fear of moving on and unwillingness to do it are propping up the whole sick sad situation. My only hesitation in pushing the SUBMIT button is the fear that there is an important fact or two you are leaving out that would make this make more sense than it does; otherwise I'm afraid we are just busy telling you what a good and noble person you are (you are, but that's besides the point!) and maybe paradoxically enabling or encouraging you to stay put and maintain a situation that is not really helping anyone make a better life for themselves. Hubby is maintaining a status quo so he can try to build financial security for himself and avoid being burdened or stressed, but what kind of person, what kind of relationships, and what kind of life does that get him in the long run? MIL is getting care, but she is hating it and not getting any better. If she ends up in an assisted living facility, her ability to adjust to it is not going to be better later vs sooner. And you are losing yourself and getting less and less able to have an independent life or future as this whole thing drains you out spiritually and financically. As you can see from Folger's post, "unselfishly" caring for MIL is going to end up being very, very selfish and hurtful to others who have a much more valid claim on your relationship time and energy.
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