Hurt feelings...again

My mother w dementia calls me homely, prostitute. After taking care of her all day & taking her to the park..& I needed neighbor...a strong man to help transfer her from wheelchair to stairlift chair & vice verce. Sunday is private pay Aide’s day off. I also have to take care of her all day Friday, 1/2 days Saturday & Monday...also overnight...Why I wasted another day with her only to end up being abused is beyond my comprehension. I ate almost whole bag of potato chips along w Hagen daz ice cream. I don’t care if I get fat anymore. I need the potato chips & ice cream

Riverdale, Tx means "therapy" or "therapeutic intervention". In this case, MidKid means she's 3/4 done with chemo (I think).

Mid,who is TX? Sorry for all you have to endure. I am impressed with all your positivity during chemo

Midkid58, that's awful, so sorry for that pain u endure from mother.
No excuse for that, & please do stay away... just as I said 2Lacey.
We refuse 2be abused

My mother has become 'filterless' and simply says whatever falls out of her mouth. My take is that she is exhibiting some signs of dementia, but her jailer, my YB will not allow a psych consult or cg eval for baseline (the baseline is pretty much gone now) as to her psychological status.

She will say the most outrageous things, right to my face and I honestly don't know if she's serious or 'kidding' but if I say something about it to my other brother he says "well, she has dementia" but I argue that she CAN'T have 'dementia' and be this mean AND be 'perfectly fine' as YB says.

She's always been critical and that I could handle--in a way. But the meanness now is kind of beyond being OK.

When I told her 3+ months ago that I have cancer, her response, straight out was "well, your daddy will be happy to see you". (dad has been gone 15 years). No I'm sorry, what can I do? how are you feeling? What kind of cancer--nope, just, well, slap on the back and see ya whenever. It was beyond hurtful and she did follow up with a phone call about 10 weeks later, not checking in on me, but making sure I got a fruit arrangement she'd sent. The cancer was not mentioned, and she has made no attempt at contact of any kind.

My decision, which was borne out by my oncologist was to stay away from her completely as she was 'negative stress' and I do not need it. Also, she harbors 2 feral birds which are never bathed and these carry toxins I can't be around.

I still hurt and I am 75% done with TX. I have no intention of going to see her ever again, at this point. I feel lousy every single day and seeing her is, on a good day, not great.
.

I just don't see or talk to her. Period. Seems really mean and childish, but she has been a thorn in my side my whole life, and despite my best and most careful efforts, she just cannot be nice to me.

My therapist told me that toxic people can be ANYBODY--just b/c someone is family doesn't mean they'll be nice to you. In fact, the most hurtful relationships are usually between family--as you kind of expect them to be decent.

I'm in the process of chemotherapy which does skew my vision on things, but I don't think that once I am done with this, I will continue a relationship with mother. She really doesn't care about me. And perhaps, your parents are in the throes of dementia and you understand that and hope for a better day. I wish! Many people have little to no relationship with their aging parents.

Funny story....(don't blame you 4 swearing)
-I mean, that had to catch u off-guard. Very good that u can laugh about it too.😳.
What a crazy world... Agree that less 'face time' wud be better.
Hang in there friend.

Moms solution is just not going there? You ask if that will help? Sure as heck would help ME a whole lot not to go there, can tell you THAT!
Get those feet up. Make popcorn. Put a whole huge ton of butter on it. Pour a nice big glass of something and toast Dad. Dig in and have a great time!
I think you are kinda beginning to get it, how all this works.

If I were in your shoes, I would just come for the sole purpose of making sure the facility is taking good care of him, but not come to provide him your company because it certainly doesn't benefit him or you. Maybe when this phase of his disease passes and he becomes more mellow and less angry, then you can stay and talk to him as long as you both feel good about it.

Yes, *not* going as often helps. You must preserve your own wellbeing.

Not going as often will help you as your feelings won't get hurt as often. Much of dealing with this is self protection. You aren't going to change him, so you have to change what you are doing. I think your mum has the right idea. She is looking after herself, not trying to change him, His brain is broken. He may think it is funny or may just be speaking without the social filters he lost due to the disease. Do what is good for you.