How many caregivers suffer from despair and wanting it all to end?

Follow
Share

I am a professional who deals with caregivers often, I spoke with a lady last week who shared she wanted to drive her car into the river, but she was a Christian. Another recently shared she wanted to end it all but knew she had to care for her husband? I want to know if this is common or an isolated incident? I want to educate others and get more help in the areas needed and open up the discussion so people are not alone. Thanks

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
19

Comments

Show:
Do you notice how you apoligize for simply being real, raw and truthful about where you are? This proves how important this topic is to bring out in the open out of the darkness. Caregiver you are not alone in your darkness, we cannot change the situation or walk away, however, we can be encouraged that we are not crazy, mean, wrong, you are affected by your cirmcustances in the most common feelings. It is I hope a relief to know your reactions are a normal part of a bad situation. It does not make you a bad person or mean you have ill will towards those we are caring for. Yet, you have become prisoner to the very love and care you want to give. I commend you all for your honesty and bravery. I would be a fool to think words could make it better, instead to know your not a lone in your struggles. This forum is valuable! Being real is being brave!
(0)
Report

to be honest I see no reason for a person to carry on once they have got to the final stages id rather my loved one could pass so as not to carry on for nothing no light at end of tunnel so sad david Cameron has said we must do more but lets just say its going to take along time as they cannot tell if you are suffering from dem/alz until the brain has been looked at after death sorry to sound awful xx
(0)
Report

I think there is big difference between "clinical depression" and depression but where i am now is im very unhappy i wouldnt say depressed just wish i had my life back and what makes me feel so bad is knowing that having my life back means mum has to die im sorry if that seems harsh but i cannot see any other option it would kill me to put her in a home it will kill me to stay here and look after her for the next ?? If we had a timeframe of knowing how long this will go on it may? be easier to handle? i am 48 i feel sick when i think mum may still be here and in worse state in 10yrs time? I want her suffering and mine to end but i do not want to lose my mum? its just heart wrenching. i look at her and think is she happy? is she suffering alot more than i think? does she ever think of wanting to end her life? "they say" patients dont suffer people around do? until this has been proven im battling with my head everyday if i had any notion proven that she was in excruciating "mental pain" i would end it for her myself? so you can imagine what stress and turmoil goes on in a carers mind it never stops until one day we have peace and even that takes along time to come after caring for someone with this illness. My friends sister was the main carer for her mum with ALS 6yrs later she still cant talk about her mum and the care she did its just too painful and now i know why.
(0)
Report

hope you can help someone with what you are learning here, this is reality, there is no harder job than to be a caretaker for someone with Alzheimer's Disease, and with the numbers growing every day and soon to be an epidemic, people like you will be greatly appreciated. People in the health field have no clue, they do not go to med school to study this disease that KILLS, why bother. And that my friend is so sad.
(2)
Report

To all who responded.....you are all helpful, that is it, I don't want to be the average health care professional who causes more harm then good. I have not been in your shoes and wouldnt dare to come close to knowing exactly how you feel however I believe I can still be effective. I tap into my own pain, and try to put myself in your shoes, this forum is raw and real-exactly what I wanted. I empathize greatly-I esp. appreciate the illustration of "painting yourself into a corner" and "a prison w/o bars." As for the horrific story of the man who took his wife and his own, I know that is rare, however what I sense is the feelings he had were not. That is what I am trying to tap into. True?
(0)
Report

Captain, thanks for the promotion! I've gone from "idiot" to "inane" so quickly! And to think, only a few months ago I was a "troll". LOL
(1)
Report

id agree with pam except responding to the hurting person with a bunch of inane questions . if i pour my heart out to someone im looking for advice not patronizing questions . i know this sounds hateful in print but its not meant to be . my va phsyc responds to me with 500 calm questions . not very helpful lady , ya sound like a freakin parrot ..
(1)
Report

if I had my druthers, I would still be here beside my husband. A few weeks ago I was really feeling down and out and wrote in my journal about the prison without bars, that's what most of of live in, it's a make it or break it deal, but I gave in ( the first and only time) and thought about throwing in the towel as I re- read my words, I snapped out if it in a few days but it was a very dark and lonely place to be.

about 25 years ago an older couple we had known for years took the drastic step, no one realized why at the time but the wife had Alzheimers ( in her early 80's and husband late 80's) he was fine mentally - he took her to their basement and shot her first then himself 2nd, it is horrible to even think about but can you imagine how much strength, mentally it would take for one spouse to take the life of a woman he loved, married to all his adult life and did not want to live without. It is very scary indeed. Sorry to drop this on you, but maybe it will help.. We need each other to stay alive & well if not us who will take care of them?
(1)
Report

One of the benefits of a site like AgingCare is that we have a place to vent and to discuss this too-common problem.
(1)
Report

Nothing to be proud of, I just did/do what is right for her and my actions were purely self preservation. In the end it's either them or us. We will have something akin to PTSD for life but, once as free as we can be, we can try to rebuild our lives.
(2)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Related
Questions