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My father in law lives in Florida, we live in the UK. We spent Christmas with him last year He was constantly receiving phone calls from two girls from a family down the street. The family is known to us, but the thing is the mother. She gets the girls to call and ask for money or gifts. His dad is catholic and loves children, and when we asked him about this he said the kids have nothing and I want to help. While we were there we found utility bills, cell phone bills and others of which are the other families. We also found a Christmas list of top of the range cameras, clothes and a in ground trampoline which they asked my father in law to buy them. He already pays for private school and tennis coaching for the older girl. This family are bleeding him dry and he sees nothing wrong with what there doing. The mother of the girls is divorced with 2 older children. She lives in a huge home and recently had a pool built and new car, she doesn't work so my guess is he's paid for this too. She knows we are moving back to help my father in law and asked her girls for the local catholic priest to make her girls his holy grand children. He's a wealthy man, we wouldn't be so concerned if she helped him around the home but all she does is take from him. There has to be something we can do??? Is this illegal what she's doing??
It's driving us crazy, we really don't know what she will do next.
Thank you

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I would contact a elder law attorney and tell them what you have told us. If anything they will be able to tell you what you need to do. I wouldn't put this off I would do this asap! It sounds to me like they know he has money and they know they can get from him what they want and he thinks he's just being a good guy. He is a good guy but he just might be taken advantage of! I have seen personally that family as well as friends and strangers can all take advantage of someone in your father in laws position. I've had to deal with family taking their grandmother for everything she had left. So call an elder law attorney fast! Good luck to you!
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Debbo64 gave good advice. Right now thats your best option to handle the situation properly. I however, would probably do the opposite( the worse thing to do), I would go tell this women like it is!!! Try to stay calm but persistant!! I too have known of a situation like this going on and unfortunately the family never knew till the money was gone and so was the scam artist!! It is so sad that good people out there can be robbed blind by bad people.
Good luck to you!
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I too would talk to the woman. I would tell her if she or her girls take one more dime from your father-in-law that you're going to contact the District Attorney about her. Whether or not there is any legal recourse I don't know, but what I do know if she's feeling at all guilty about scamming this man, she'll get scared and stop.
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Thanks everyone. The thing is we have confronted her she laughs in our face then tells my father in law more lies and he has a argument with us! She's twists everything we say because she knows he will side with them. When we go to see him flying 4000 miles his house is a mess, we have to sort the entire house for him while were there while she lives round the corner and does nothing. It's so annoying. We have a tape recording of her saying she wants to be his whore, this was while he was married to my mother in law. She really is scum. Her whole family including the older ones ask and take from him. But they can do no wrong. It's always us.
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Hey naheaton! good to see you!

Janet: the DA it is! try a call to the district attorney's investigators office and see what you can find out about the local law and this situation of elder ABUSE.
You could arrange to have him declared incompetent to handle his financial affairs. Nasty, yes but if it is warranted...? It appears that he is not making good financial decisions and is arguing with you guys about it because that's what the elderly do when they are losing it. sad but true.
Just because someone has money is no excuse for this gold digger's behavior. that money is his and should be used for him and the people taking care of him not her and her family. don't expect her to do anything for him. that's not the way the takers operate.
Nice values she's teaching the kids, yes?
More caregivers will post with more ideas and you will have a slew to pick from!
good luck with this and keep us posted.
lovbob
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I didn't find the age of your father-in-law in your posting.Also, you mentioned his house is disorganized/messy, but is he competent other than that? Does he remember names and places and seem to articulate his thoughts clearly? He may be so lonely and need the companionship (little that it is) so much that he doesn't care how much it costs to keep the woman's attention. He has obviously set aside his pride for the other family, but it seems he knows exactly what he is doing. Unless he is clearly showing dementia/Alzheimer's symptoms in other areas of his life, then other than warning him and talking to her, which you have done, I don't think there's anything you can do other than hope that he finally realizes that she doesn't really love him and that she is using him. He is a grown man doing with his money something foolish - but he earned the money, and it is his to waste. I am so sorry if I sound harsh. I do believe the woman has criminal intent, but outside of your recording more of her speaking to prove it, it's completely in your father-in-law's hand. So sorry, again.
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GREAT ADVISE DEBBO64.
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Janet, maybe it's time your father-in-law takes a vacation to see you guys. Maybe you can de-program him at a distance.
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Maybe a Restraining Order? I don't know what actually qualifies in order to place one against this woman. I think a vaction to see you would be a good break. However, does this woman have access to his home and accounts? If he is awaying seeing you, can she still take advantage of him?
Is your father able to or willing to move to another house away from this woman?I am afraid that if you can't get distance between you father in law and this woman its going to be harder to stop her stealing. Cause it seems your father in law is okay doing things for her.
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You guys are great, the laws are different over in the uk. His dad won't come to us, says it's too cold, don't blame him! We have decided to sell our house and move to him. The last time we were there he hardly saw them because his own grand children were with him, he is a lonely elderly man who as you say is being taken advantage off. We will stop her one way or another and wipe the fake smile off her face. Forgot to say also we found paperwork for a trust fund set up for the 2 youngest for an amount of $150,000. Goodness how much more there are. Thanks once again guys x
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My father in law is 74, and he's a retired attorney so he loves to argue. He argues with everyone over anything. He even lied at Disney when we were buying tickets saying I was a resident. He almost had me turned away. He really I a good man although insanely argumentative.
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Sometimes we need to stand up for truth and righteousness. I call this "fighting the good fight." I've never liked to fight, but one lesson I've learned as I grow older is that sometimes we need to gather our strength in order to fight the good fight, and then do it. Don't let this woman get away with wrong, and perhaps illegal behavior. If de-programming your FIL at a distance doesn't work, and speaking to the woman in question doesn't work, then it's time to hire an attorney. Good luck.
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My mother in law got involved with a man through her church. He was a scam artist. He laughed at my husband and brother in law and my husbands two sisters also. he told them he was going to get her house and money. They contacted the Dade County Police(Miami). The police came after him after he took money from my MIL. I don't know the laws in Florida, but it is a state with alot of fraud and elder abuse, this is very common. Don't sit back and let her do this. My gentle, quite husband told the criminal (by the way the scam artist was 78 years old and had been doing this all his life) he was going to kill him. The crook told the Dade County Police my husband threatened him, they just laughed. He finally disapeared. I think these people want to see how far they can push the envelop. Keep fighting them. This happens all the time in Florida and people go to prison for it. Good Luck
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Also, try to gain control over all of your FIL's finances. Try to keep her hands off of stuff. My MIL finally told her scam artist that her children hated him and she couldn't marry someone her children hated. Good luck to you.
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I wish it was this simple. Everything we've confronted him about he's taken there side, goodness knows what he will do/say if he knew what we were doing. The last time we were there he asked if he could take his grandchildren to the zoo, of course we let him but later found out he had gone with the women and her two girls also, she really hates it when we visit, so I guess she isn't looking forward to us living with him. He really doesn't know when to stop, he took a juicy couture t-shirt of his own grandchild as he had wrapped it wrong and it was ment for her kid. We never ask for anything from him, although he has bought us Disney tickets,meal out etc when we come, but for Christmas his grandchildren got taken to toys r us and had around $300 dollars spent on them, her kids get a $6000 dollar in ground trampoline. If we try and stop her I'm frightened that he will take her side and shut us out completely, he really won't listen to anything we say, he just thinks we don't like her.
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It is a wonderful, wonderful thing that you and your family are doing by moving to be with him. I have a strong feeling that your presence there when this woman and her family come around will serve as a deterrent. I really do think that when you or your husband are there to counter or question her and her kids' requests, it will be more difficult for her to continue this abuse of your father-in-law. Also, when he sees on a daily basis what real love and ethical behavior is like from family, then her selfishness will become clear to him over time. I think he will start cutting her off not too long after you arrive. You are really good people - best of luck to you all.
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Thankyou dinak, I hope your right, if it doesn't stop then we will take matters further. Fingers crossed
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Janeth - you mentioned, "he is insanely argumentative." He might also be a little insane......ya think? I think there might be an issue you are overlooking. My Dad acted "strange" for a long time.We just thought he was grumpy and nasty and argumentative. Well he has dementia. There are so many forms of dementia and different people show different signs. I also think your FIL is lonely so he's reaching out to the closes people he "thinks" is being nice to him. Get in the house, get POA, then get an estate attorney and slam her.
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janeth8711, My MIL fought like crazy too. But she was a sweet compliant person. But she didn't want to hear anything about her "friend" either. My husband, BIL, and sisters-in-laws had to have a confrontation with her and included a priest. Even that didn't work. My BIL is a CPA and had knowledge of any money that was given to the scam artist. You FIL is probably lonely, my MIL was. Hopefully when you move he won't be so lonely. This is heartbreaking for you. Good luck
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Selfish siblings, your comment sounds so true, but he's been like this as long as my husband can remember. Hopefully our move over there will make him see were his family and love him and that we want the best for him. There has been a number of times ive marched round to her house but luckily for her she wasn't home. We rang my FIL yesterday and he was very 'off' with us, he said he was busy and going to the bank. Goodness knows what this women is making him think of us, it's deeply upsetting as were willing to move our family and leave our own family and friends behind to help him.
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711:

Sounds to me like that blood-sucking, golddigging parasite won't stop until there's nothing left. Talk to the DA; and ask how you can expose her and protect other kind-hearted men hoping for something they'll never get.

If his mental faculties are fine, however, you just might have to moan and groan as he fritters his money away and caters to that sk ___'s every whim.

Wish you the best.

-- ED
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just be careful...make sure you and your husband are appointed to handle his affairs. I live in AZ and we've had a slew of cases where the court appointed guardians and/or fiduciaries (?sp) and lawyers to handle the affairs of people deemed incompetent and they charged outrageous fees (i.e.$75/hr to open mail) and drained these poor people of their life savings and then they were forced into sub-par nursing homes on medicaid. It was horribly sad and just so wrong. My heart goes out to you and your family.
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Janet: While these are good suggestions, I believe your best option would be to contact Adult Protective Services in the county in which your father-in-law lives. Unlike a private elder law attorney, APS must investigate -- and there will be no fee. Contacting the District Attorney is an option, but without reports from APS to substantiate the claims, there is little to nothing that they can do. Going through APS will help you establish a paper trail, and a visit from APS to the woman in quesiton may be enough to scare her off of this scam.
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Has anyone suggested contacting his local Elder Protective Services agent of the local Social Services Office?
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Wow. I'd be afraid he'd marry her and she'd knock him off. What a scary situation for you to be so far away from.

Is he competent? If so, he can do whatever he wants. Many men are taken in by sexy/trashy women when they get older.

Does he have any normal friends near where he lives or is this family his main source of social interaction? What do some of his old friends say about his behavior and the situation?

Any chance your dad would move to the UK with you?
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Thanks for all your advice, he doesn't really have any close family, his cousin lives near him, but they haven't spoken to us in a while, I think he thinks it's us who is taking advantage of my father in law. He says and does some strange things for example, for his birthday we ordered him an angel with a prayer. We rang him and told him to expect a delivery, we asked him to let us know when he recieved it, he didn't! Still denies recieving it although we know it got delivered. You see he moans about us to the family he spends his money on, I have no idea why, as we always call him, and fly over when we can. Hopefully this will all be resolved soon.
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Janeth, you need a trusted third party who will intervene for you. Your FIL is emotionally invested in these people and anything you tell him will go unheaded. (As a former attorney, you would think that he'd know about these scams.)
If he is lonely, redirect his attetion to something more positive. As a good Catholic man, get him involved in legitmate charities....there are so many people who truly need his help. He could mentor a child through the Big Brothers assoc. etc...
I agree with everyone above...act swiftly and aggressively. Keep your presence known to this cunning family. Do everything the law will allow. File for restraining orders until this thing is sorted out. Do any of his family members have his Power of Attorney? This would give them the ability to sort through his bank records and docs for improprieties.
Be relentless and maybe the leach will finally get the hint.
I wish a hot rock in hell for anyone who victimizes an elderly person. Be vigilant about anyone who comes into your parent's lives and seems to be getting a little too close. Monitor financial info., take valuables and personal info. from their homes, and report anything you find suspicious.
Really.....should you have to worry about these things in your seniorhood???
good luck
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Lilliput, everything you say is very true.
As far as we are aware no one has power of attorney over his finances. In the past when we have visited, bank statements have been quite visible to us. He pays for his daughters cell phone and also the whole other families. We have copies of the bills as he complains to my sister in law when it's clearly the other family taking the ****. we really cannot wait to get this sorted. We've recently spoken to him as he has a problem with his dogs, and who does he ask for help from? yes us, 4000 miles away And he can't ask this great women and her fantastic children for help! You would think that's the least they could do but once again unless he's giving they don't want to know.
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i would say that the last thing you want is for those people to be invited to help him with anything. I suggested before that contacting the Adult Protective Services in his area, and explaining to them your concerns might be a good idea, also, if you are aware of who his attorney is, you may want to give them the heads up about what you think is going on.
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No what I ment by help Ted was the fact they don't do anything in return to help him for all he does for them. I have found the adult protection service near my father in laws so were getting all the information together as we don't want her getting away with this. I know this will probably sound stupid, but will we be taken seriously as were not American? Our problem being if nothing is done about this women she could make our lives a misery as were moving there, she would also turn his dad against us, I really do not know at the lengths this women and her family will go to.

Many thanks
Janet
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