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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
I am a primary healthcare agent for my person. In my state that means I make health care decisions for my loved one. We are not married. His daughter is the secondary healthcare agent. She lives about 650 miles away. She told me that her Dad needed to be placed eventually before he had his 11th fall. One time he fractured a vertebra, and he now has a deformity in his back, and he suffered from acute pain for months. His daughter knew I was burning out, and she was afraid for her Dad. I got his Doctor involved, the local hospital, social workers, PT's and OT's who all advised me that placement was inevitable. My loved one has mental capacity, but he kept falling and injuring himself in addition to his many disorders including having vascular dementia. Does your husband take care of himself? Does he cook, clean up, drive, bathe himself, make it to the bathroom etc? Those are called ADL'S, activities of daily living. Has a doctor weighed in? Is it ok to leave him at home for an extended time? This is what I was asked when medical personnel were assessing care for my guy. I was helping him with everything except when he was sleeping. Even then I worried. Let your step daughters figure this out. Placement is not a given. I had no choices to make other than getting him into a safe environment. He let me proceed. People cannot force anyone into a facility without guardianship, or having a medical power of attorney in the USA. I'm sorry you feel sad for you and your husband. Talk with his daughters if you feel you can provide for your husband in all the aspects I mentioned. I couldn't do everything for him, but I tried. I also spoke to his other children. They all agreed he needed better care than what I could provide to keep him safe and alive. I told my loved one I couldn't keep him all to myself that I was being selfish not wanting to be apart from him. He knew. Bless you.
Oftentimes AD reaches a point where placement is required. Your stepdaughters are seeing something in their dad that you are not. What might that be? Is he wandering? Is he displaying dangerous behavior, getting lost, not bathing, not eating, etc? His daughters were given POA for a reason, so they can act in his best interest when he is no longer capable of doing so. Your husband, like my mother, may suffer from anosognosia where he's unable to recognize his deficits. I had to place my mother in Memory Care Assisted Living while she was screaming there was nothing wrong with her the entire time. There was indeed something wrong with her, vascular dementia, and she was unsafe to continue living in regular AL any longer.
To the outsider, however, she could Showtime up a storm and make them think she was fine and dandy. She could make small talk beautifully and distract you with compliments. Meanwhile, she'd introduce me as her mother and spray Lysol on a blouse stain to "remove it." She used her telephone as a tv remote, then would scream how the pos was "broke" all the time. She fell constantly, and covered it up until xrays showed broken ribs in various stages of healing. She too considered herself "very independent " because she could toilet herself w/o help. She was not independent at all, it was her illusion. I was, of course, The Bad Guy for getting her to safety in Memory Care, but that was my only JOB as her POA. To keep her safe.
Your stepdaughters are doing the same for their father. Eating up their inheritance to keep him safe. They're not The Bad Guys. You can go visit him in MC every single day if you'd like, and sleep in peace yourself knowing you're both safe. This is NOT a statement of your "incompetence" but a recognition that it now requires more than 1 person to care for your husband. A team of people working 24/7, in fact.
A "home" is not the horrible place you seem to think it is, but a safe and comfortable environment which is shrunken down to suit the needs of an elder whose brain can no longer function with the contraptions and requirements of normal daily life. Ditch the stigma and recognize that disease changes people dramatically, and as unfortunate as it is, we have to accept it and embrace what's best for them.
I'm sorry for your pain. We all lose when AD and dementia is involved. It's a no win situation for all concerned.
Lori, quite honestly, if you have Alzheimer's you are NOT "very independent". You in fact have not, or soon will not have capacity to care for yourself nor to make safe decisions for yourself.
Your husband did NOT change POA from his children to you. Therefore you do not have POA at this time. As he has dementia he cannot change it now. If you are married for some time and you yourself are well able to manage your husband's care, then you can apply to be his guardian. I would watch what you wish for, however, because this isn't a position you can simply resign, and it is tough and complicated position to be in.
You are married. Do seek now the advice of an attorney. At the least you may want to legally separate your own finances from your husbands, and your own personal monies from his so that his money can go to his care. At the most you will get options from him as to how to move forward negotiating this circumstance.
What is the reason that they, rather than you, have your husband's POA? What is his and your situation? Are you caring for him by yourself, and are you able to keep up with his needs? Are he and you safe, or are either of you at risk because of his dementia? Might they be trying to help because they see that this is exhausting your or exceeding your capabilities?
Even with mild ALZ he may still be considered to have legal "capacity"... have you consulted with an elder law attorney?
On what grounds do they want to transition him, assuming you are his caregiving and you are doing a competent job of it? Maybe they think you are struggling and burning out.
Is it possible it is motivated by something else...? Like, is your name on the deed of the house? If not, would they conceivably kick you out?
More information would be helpful.
Does he have the money to pay for it? Make sure to protect your share of the assets.
Who is his caregiver? You? If you're his caregiver, you need POA. It's probably too late for husband to assign it to you unless he is still competent. Is he? You also will need to be a really good caregiver to take care of someone who has Alzheimers. Have you had any training in it?
You see, there are many questions because you've given us little information. Since I don't know much about this situation, all I can do is comment that if husband were to go into a "home," AKA memory care facility, he would be with professional caregivers. You would not have to go through caregiving your husband at home. That would be a blessing for you, because home care of a sick husband is extremely difficult.
Perhaps his daughters are trying to do what's best for both of you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
To the outsider, however, she could Showtime up a storm and make them think she was fine and dandy. She could make small talk beautifully and distract you with compliments. Meanwhile, she'd introduce me as her mother and spray Lysol on a blouse stain to "remove it." She used her telephone as a tv remote, then would scream how the pos was "broke" all the time. She fell constantly, and covered it up until xrays showed broken ribs in various stages of healing. She too considered herself "very independent " because she could toilet herself w/o help. She was not independent at all, it was her illusion. I was, of course, The Bad Guy for getting her to safety in Memory Care, but that was my only JOB as her POA. To keep her safe.
Your stepdaughters are doing the same for their father. Eating up their inheritance to keep him safe. They're not The Bad Guys. You can go visit him in MC every single day if you'd like, and sleep in peace yourself knowing you're both safe. This is NOT a statement of your "incompetence" but a recognition that it now requires more than 1 person to care for your husband. A team of people working 24/7, in fact.
A "home" is not the horrible place you seem to think it is, but a safe and comfortable environment which is shrunken down to suit the needs of an elder whose brain can no longer function with the contraptions and requirements of normal daily life. Ditch the stigma and recognize that disease changes people dramatically, and as unfortunate as it is, we have to accept it and embrace what's best for them.
I'm sorry for your pain. We all lose when AD and dementia is involved. It's a no win situation for all concerned.
Your husband did NOT change POA from his children to you. Therefore you do not have POA at this time. As he has dementia he cannot change it now. If you are married for some time and you yourself are well able to manage your husband's care, then you can apply to be his guardian. I would watch what you wish for, however, because this isn't a position you can simply resign, and it is tough and complicated position to be in.
You are married. Do seek now the advice of an attorney. At the least you may want to legally separate your own finances from your husbands, and your own personal monies from his so that his money can go to his care. At the most you will get options from him as to how to move forward negotiating this circumstance.
On what grounds do they want to transition him, assuming you are his caregiving and you are doing a competent job of it? Maybe they think you are struggling and burning out.
Is it possible it is motivated by something else...? Like, is your name on the deed of the house? If not, would they conceivably kick you out?
More information would be helpful.
Does he have the money to pay for it? Make sure to protect your share of the assets.
You see, there are many questions because you've given us little information. Since I don't know much about this situation, all I can do is comment that if husband were to go into a "home," AKA memory care facility, he would be with professional caregivers. You would not have to go through caregiving your husband at home. That would be a blessing for you, because home care of a sick husband is extremely difficult.
Perhaps his daughters are trying to do what's best for both of you.